Rev Doc Stephen Tong preached before about the topic, Time.
Time can be very scary because it recorded every little thing about you. It recorded your history, your memories, your life, your future, your past…your everything.
According to Rev Stephen Tong, time is a tough testifier. Time can test things that we wouldn’t know. Time can prove things that we cannot see. Time can heal, time can brings hurt and grief fade away. Time can be our faithful friend. It will stand as a witness to our good testimony. Time cannot be bought with money but time is an opportunity.
In my life recently, I need this time a lot. I need time to be healed; I need time in order to know my next step. I need time to prove, I need time be my evidence. I need time in order for me to be strong again. I need time.
Time can show me how faithful and good a person can be and also how evil and unfaithful another person can be. Time can show what is good and evil.
I’ve been waiting for someone, for something, for God and for myself. I can only pray that time will prove, time will heal and time will continue to be my best and faithful friend.
** I have been faithfully waiting**
Monday, April 16, 2007
The biggest enemy?
Some people will say that their biggest enemy is the devil. Some will said that is their boss, their wife, their competitor or someone that hurt them the most. As for me, I think that my biggest enemy is myself.
Why would I say that? It’s because I found out that the biggest enemy is in me. It’s myself. Many times in life, I’ve been battling with myself. Should I or should I not? Can or cannot? Good and bad, it’s up to how we analysis it, how we want it to be and how we define the word. I always believe that, if you want something to happen, it will always happen. If you don’t willing to make it happen, no matter how hard you try with unwilling heart, it will not happen as well. After all, it’s back to the topic willingness.
Like what my best friend told me, everything come from the heart and everything matter the most is in the heart. A person with good intention, no matter what he/she did, he will sow a good seed, and will reap a good fruit. If he/she have bad and evil motive, he/she will sow a bad seed and reap an evil fruit. Everything that we do, there is consequences that we have to bear. Sometimes, the rebellious inside of me will try to come out and try to control the conscious me, but with God’s grace, I am still won this battle.
In my life, I might not understand why are all these happen to me? I’ve been good, I do everything with good intention and yet things went the other way from what I’ve planned. I don’t understand but many people around me will said that one fine day, you will know it. I can only long to see that day and learn the lesson that I should learn.
Everything happened for a purpose, for a reason. Many people come and go in my life. No matter how long they stay in my heart, how seasonal it is, how fast they forgot me, I truly appreciate the time of being together with them. When the time or season has past, we might not remember how sweet it is when we are together. I truly love people around me. No matter it’s a season thing, permanent or temporarily. If I could make it forever, I will try my best to make it forever. But if I’ve tried my best and yet I couldn’t make it forever, I will let it go with a grateful heart for the time that we’ve spent together when you are with me.
Every struggle, there is a lesson. Every trials, there is a victory. Lord…not what I want, but what You want. My biggest enemy… myself, my mind. May you continue to guide me and tame me as soft as a rabbit but as strong as a lion.
**Jennieliau, my biggest enemy**
Why would I say that? It’s because I found out that the biggest enemy is in me. It’s myself. Many times in life, I’ve been battling with myself. Should I or should I not? Can or cannot? Good and bad, it’s up to how we analysis it, how we want it to be and how we define the word. I always believe that, if you want something to happen, it will always happen. If you don’t willing to make it happen, no matter how hard you try with unwilling heart, it will not happen as well. After all, it’s back to the topic willingness.
Like what my best friend told me, everything come from the heart and everything matter the most is in the heart. A person with good intention, no matter what he/she did, he will sow a good seed, and will reap a good fruit. If he/she have bad and evil motive, he/she will sow a bad seed and reap an evil fruit. Everything that we do, there is consequences that we have to bear. Sometimes, the rebellious inside of me will try to come out and try to control the conscious me, but with God’s grace, I am still won this battle.
In my life, I might not understand why are all these happen to me? I’ve been good, I do everything with good intention and yet things went the other way from what I’ve planned. I don’t understand but many people around me will said that one fine day, you will know it. I can only long to see that day and learn the lesson that I should learn.
Everything happened for a purpose, for a reason. Many people come and go in my life. No matter how long they stay in my heart, how seasonal it is, how fast they forgot me, I truly appreciate the time of being together with them. When the time or season has past, we might not remember how sweet it is when we are together. I truly love people around me. No matter it’s a season thing, permanent or temporarily. If I could make it forever, I will try my best to make it forever. But if I’ve tried my best and yet I couldn’t make it forever, I will let it go with a grateful heart for the time that we’ve spent together when you are with me.
Every struggle, there is a lesson. Every trials, there is a victory. Lord…not what I want, but what You want. My biggest enemy… myself, my mind. May you continue to guide me and tame me as soft as a rabbit but as strong as a lion.
**Jennieliau, my biggest enemy**
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Breakthrough (30.03.07-Last day)
When the sunrise, I opened my eyes and its 8am. My stomach felt better compare to last night but there is still little bit not comfortable here and there. I thank God for being there for me and heal me when I need Him the most.
Again, I prepared myself to meet God and took my breakfast like yesterday. Continue my book with breakfast meal and enjoying myself in the cold weather. Follow on with walking around in the park as I’ve promised myself that I’ll enjoy God’s creation. I have difficulties in searching this park but at last, I found it. It’s not a beautiful park after all and it look nicer from the view above from my room. In Genting highlands, there is not much nature thing to see. So, the next trip that I wanted to be alone and have breakthrough in life, I have to choose Cameron Highlands instead. I didn’t post any picture of the garden here because I don’t think that is a pretty garden. After the garden thing, I went up to my room, pack my stuff and prepare to check out and go home.
My journey ended just like this. A lot of breakthrough for me. The biggest success that I experience from this trip is that, I able to be alone for two days without talking much to anyone but God. Trying to find back my inner world as well. I knew so well that to find back my inner world is not one or two days thing but this is the first step to refocus back my life on the things that should be my focus, and to find back the purpose of life in God’s eyes.
In these two days, I didn’t really talk to anyone. Most of the time, I have pen and notebook with me. Whatever I feel, I wrote it down and whatever I want, I wrote it down. I can see things clearer when I started to write things down and I get to know myself better. Travel alone is fun, provided the Lord is with me. Breakthrough in eating alone, shopping alone, making decision alone, finish the whole cheese cake alone, get sick and recover again alone. I know how to take care myself now.
How do I feel? I feel refreshed and little bit unhappy because I have to go back to Sunway. I miss the time of being alone. I feel being strengthened by God again to find back my direction and focus of life. I spare time to find what I want in life. I analysis my feeling and know what is my next step. I feel good…
**Enjoy for being alone**
Again, I prepared myself to meet God and took my breakfast like yesterday. Continue my book with breakfast meal and enjoying myself in the cold weather. Follow on with walking around in the park as I’ve promised myself that I’ll enjoy God’s creation. I have difficulties in searching this park but at last, I found it. It’s not a beautiful park after all and it look nicer from the view above from my room. In Genting highlands, there is not much nature thing to see. So, the next trip that I wanted to be alone and have breakthrough in life, I have to choose Cameron Highlands instead. I didn’t post any picture of the garden here because I don’t think that is a pretty garden. After the garden thing, I went up to my room, pack my stuff and prepare to check out and go home.
My journey ended just like this. A lot of breakthrough for me. The biggest success that I experience from this trip is that, I able to be alone for two days without talking much to anyone but God. Trying to find back my inner world as well. I knew so well that to find back my inner world is not one or two days thing but this is the first step to refocus back my life on the things that should be my focus, and to find back the purpose of life in God’s eyes.
In these two days, I didn’t really talk to anyone. Most of the time, I have pen and notebook with me. Whatever I feel, I wrote it down and whatever I want, I wrote it down. I can see things clearer when I started to write things down and I get to know myself better. Travel alone is fun, provided the Lord is with me. Breakthrough in eating alone, shopping alone, making decision alone, finish the whole cheese cake alone, get sick and recover again alone. I know how to take care myself now.
How do I feel? I feel refreshed and little bit unhappy because I have to go back to Sunway. I miss the time of being alone. I feel being strengthened by God again to find back my direction and focus of life. I spare time to find what I want in life. I analysis my feeling and know what is my next step. I feel good…**Enjoy for being alone**
Breakthrough (29.03.07-Second day)
I suppose to wake up at 7am to do my devotion and to take a walk outside to enjoy God’s creation. Unluckily, by the time I woke up, it’s already 8.30am. I took a quick clean up myself, comb my hair and prepare to meet God.
After meeting Him, I went down stairs for my free breakfast. The breakfast doesn’t taste good at all but I enjoy eating alone with a book on my hand. After breakfast, I went back to my room to continue with my book and drop down the things that I want.
Around afternoon about 12 pm, I decided to take a walk around Genting. In less than 2 hours, I realized that I’ve done with my walking. Outside were raining and I enjoy myself walking around indoor. After the walked, I started to get tired, so I decided to buy myself something. This is a breakthrough. I bought things on my own and decided on my own without any opinion from someone else. With a joyful heart, I bought some stuff for myself and some for my friends. I kinda enjoy shopping alone. Didn’t really felt lonely because The Lord is with me.
Watch showed 4pm, legs getting tired. Choose an expensive place to rest and relax that is Starbucks. I sat there and hang out for more than 2 and half hours. What I did there? I continue my book. Read book for two and half hours….Wow….this is really a breakthrough because normally I read one hour, I already started to feel sleepy. Another breakthrough is that, I finish a maple cheese cake and a large cup of caramel coffee all by myself. This is fattening but I enjoy it a lot. When I go back to Sunway, I really have to keep fit.
Half past 6, decided to go back to my room for the drama series that showed at 7pm, TV2. While I was on my way back, I told myself that I can actually sit in Starbucks for more than 4 hours. If not because of the drama series, I would have done that. Came back, taken shower, rest and enjoy my TV. About 8pm, my stomach started to feel pain and I’ve been going in and out of toilet for 4 times in less than 2 hours. I can say that the whole night, I lie down on my bed and pray that God will heal me because my stomach is really pain. I slept at 11.30pm because of the pain but this nap doesn’t last long. About 1am, I woke up and went into the wash room again for 2 times in less than half an hour. This show that, I went in and out for 6 times for the whole night. This is suffering…. The only thing that I can do is to pray for healing because it’s late at night and I’m alone. I have no idea where should I find medicine for my stomach. I prayed, and continue to sleep.
**End of second day’s breakthrough**
After meeting Him, I went down stairs for my free breakfast. The breakfast doesn’t taste good at all but I enjoy eating alone with a book on my hand. After breakfast, I went back to my room to continue with my book and drop down the things that I want. 
Around afternoon about 12 pm, I decided to take a walk around Genting. In less than 2 hours, I realized that I’ve done with my walking. Outside were raining and I enjoy myself walking around indoor. After the walked, I started to get tired, so I decided to buy myself something. This is a breakthrough. I bought things on my own and decided on my own without any opinion from someone else. With a joyful heart, I bought some stuff for myself and some for my friends. I kinda enjoy shopping alone. Didn’t really felt lonely because The Lord is with me.
Watch showed 4pm, legs getting tired. Choose an expensive place to rest and relax that is Starbucks. I sat there and hang out for more than 2 and half hours. What I did there? I continue my book. Read book for two and half hours….Wow….this is really a breakthrough because normally I read one hour, I already started to feel sleepy. Another breakthrough is that, I finish a maple cheese cake and a large cup of caramel coffee all by myself. This is fattening but I enjoy it a lot. When I go back to Sunway, I really have to keep fit. Half past 6, decided to go back to my room for the drama series that showed at 7pm, TV2. While I was on my way back, I told myself that I can actually sit in Starbucks for more than 4 hours. If not because of the drama series, I would have done that. Came back, taken shower, rest and enjoy my TV. About 8pm, my stomach started to feel pain and I’ve been going in and out of toilet for 4 times in less than 2 hours. I can say that the whole night, I lie down on my bed and pray that God will heal me because my stomach is really pain. I slept at 11.30pm because of the pain but this nap doesn’t last long. About 1am, I woke up and went into the wash room again for 2 times in less than half an hour. This show that, I went in and out for 6 times for the whole night. This is suffering…. The only thing that I can do is to pray for healing because it’s late at night and I’m alone. I have no idea where should I find medicine for my stomach. I prayed, and continue to sleep.
**End of second day’s breakthrough**
Breakthrough (28.03.07-First Day)
The clock showed 4.17pm. I asked myself, how do I feel? Going to a trip alone, taking bus alone…. Well, my feeling is ok. I manage to borrow an mp3 player from a dear friend of mine, (Thank you dear) so that my trip will be filled with music.
Ok…My journey started. Last night before I sleep, I have this conversation with Grace. I said that will it be nice if I meet my prince in this trip because that’s normally showed in movies when they went for a vacation alone. I hope that I can meet my prince too (Of course that is not my motive, I’m just joking with her.)
Honestly, I expect to meet him if it’s God permission. With a heart of expectation, expect that I’ll sit with a good looking guy but end up sitting with an uncle that are friendly enough to make friends with this Malay guy next to him when he mistakenly took the Malay guy seat. So, their conversation last for half an hour. As for me, I pray that God are with me throughout this trip and this trip will be a breakthrough for me to find back my focus and direction and to draw closer to Him.
Around 5.45pm, I’ve reached the hotel that I’ve booked. It’s a small room and I don’t really like this hotel because it’s not as pretty as I thought. Overall, I still can accept it. I took my dinner, rest and watch TV for awhile. At 8pm, I prepare myself to go for a show called “Fly”. It’s one of the promotions that come together with the room package. So, with an excited heart I walked myself to First world hotel and take my free ticket. Low and behold, they required my ID card where by I didn’t carry it along with me. Without any choices, I have to walk all the way back to my hotel and get that ID card again. Frustrated……
About the show, of course I expected that it would be a nice show. I assume it’s some sort of musical drama that came along with a story. But who knows, this show is not my cup of tea. At the beginning, it’s very interesting but the longer the show continue, the more confuse I got. It’s neither a musical drama nor a concert. It’s more like a circus (without animal) plus magic show plus artistic dance and jump here and there and flying here and there. I don’t understand the whole story and I kept on falling asleep in the show. Hmmmm….. Interesting ha….
**I can only have such an expression for that show
It’s my first time I went to a show alone. Anyway, this whole trip is about breakthrough in being alone so everything I did, I did it alone. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t like to be alone. But this is what I always have to learn. That is to be alone, draw closer to God and experience breakthrough of being alone in my life.
Actually, this whole package thing is for two persons. When I check in into this room, breakfast is included for two and the show is for two. So, I have extra ticket for the breakfast and the show seat. One person holding two tickets it’s kind of weird. Everyone come with someone but I come with no one and yet I took two persons seat. I told myself that, it’s ok… I come with God.
About the prince that I mention earlier on, I really meet someone. But not my prince….. I meet this guy name Alvin and he is a tourist guide. As you know me, direction has always been a problem for me. As usual, friends around me will call me a dumb sheep that have no sense of direction but I can say that I am better than someone else. So, I have the problem of getting back to First world hotel after I took my ID card because I tried a new way instead of the dark and dangerous way. So, I try to get myself clearer by looking at the sign board, he came over and asked me, am I searching for First world hotel direction? I said, ya…. So, he showed me the way. We get to know each other while we were walking together to First World hotel.
**Malaysia do have friendly people
Later on, he asked me, where are my friends? I told him that I came here alone. He was like…. Ok!!! That is very brave of you to travel alone here. He commented me. As I thought about it myself, I am really brave….
After the show, I walked around in First World Hotel. Went in into the casino, would like to play but I totally have no idea how these kind of games work, so I just walk one round, bought myself a strawberry stick, and I went back to my room for a shower and rest.
That’s my first day for today. I have a good rest. Not so cold but just nice.
**First day of being alone**
Ok…My journey started. Last night before I sleep, I have this conversation with Grace. I said that will it be nice if I meet my prince in this trip because that’s normally showed in movies when they went for a vacation alone. I hope that I can meet my prince too (Of course that is not my motive, I’m just joking with her.)
Honestly, I expect to meet him if it’s God permission. With a heart of expectation, expect that I’ll sit with a good looking guy but end up sitting with an uncle that are friendly enough to make friends with this Malay guy next to him when he mistakenly took the Malay guy seat. So, their conversation last for half an hour. As for me, I pray that God are with me throughout this trip and this trip will be a breakthrough for me to find back my focus and direction and to draw closer to Him.
Around 5.45pm, I’ve reached the hotel that I’ve booked. It’s a small room and I don’t really like this hotel because it’s not as pretty as I thought. Overall, I still can accept it. I took my dinner, rest and watch TV for awhile. At 8pm, I prepare myself to go for a show called “Fly”. It’s one of the promotions that come together with the room package. So, with an excited heart I walked myself to First world hotel and take my free ticket. Low and behold, they required my ID card where by I didn’t carry it along with me. Without any choices, I have to walk all the way back to my hotel and get that ID card again. Frustrated……
About the show, of course I expected that it would be a nice show. I assume it’s some sort of musical drama that came along with a story. But who knows, this show is not my cup of tea. At the beginning, it’s very interesting but the longer the show continue, the more confuse I got. It’s neither a musical drama nor a concert. It’s more like a circus (without animal) plus magic show plus artistic dance and jump here and there and flying here and there. I don’t understand the whole story and I kept on falling asleep in the show. Hmmmm….. Interesting ha….**I can only have such an expression for that show
It’s my first time I went to a show alone. Anyway, this whole trip is about breakthrough in being alone so everything I did, I did it alone. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t like to be alone. But this is what I always have to learn. That is to be alone, draw closer to God and experience breakthrough of being alone in my life.
Actually, this whole package thing is for two persons. When I check in into this room, breakfast is included for two and the show is for two. So, I have extra ticket for the breakfast and the show seat. One person holding two tickets it’s kind of weird. Everyone come with someone but I come with no one and yet I took two persons seat. I told myself that, it’s ok… I come with God.
About the prince that I mention earlier on, I really meet someone. But not my prince….. I meet this guy name Alvin and he is a tourist guide. As you know me, direction has always been a problem for me. As usual, friends around me will call me a dumb sheep that have no sense of direction but I can say that I am better than someone else. So, I have the problem of getting back to First world hotel after I took my ID card because I tried a new way instead of the dark and dangerous way. So, I try to get myself clearer by looking at the sign board, he came over and asked me, am I searching for First world hotel direction? I said, ya…. So, he showed me the way. We get to know each other while we were walking together to First World hotel.
**Malaysia do have friendly people
Later on, he asked me, where are my friends? I told him that I came here alone. He was like…. Ok!!! That is very brave of you to travel alone here. He commented me. As I thought about it myself, I am really brave….
After the show, I walked around in First World Hotel. Went in into the casino, would like to play but I totally have no idea how these kind of games work, so I just walk one round, bought myself a strawberry stick, and I went back to my room for a shower and rest.
That’s my first day for today. I have a good rest. Not so cold but just nice.
**First day of being alone**
Sunday, April 01, 2007
I apologize
Sometimes, there is no word that can express what I wanted to said or how I feel in certain things. In this space of mine, I would like to apologize to some of my dear beloved friends that without any intention, I have hurt their feelings. I know they care and love me a lot but I am really sorry for what I have did. I have no other word but the word, I’m sorry and I truly mean it. I’m sorry for I’ve did. I promise that I will not do such a thing again. I feel really bad until it give me sleepless night. I wish I could do something to make things better between us and I will do something to make it better.
**I’m Sorry**
**I’m Sorry**
Praise Him
Today is Palm Sunday. Five more days, it will be Good Friday. It’s another year for us to remember that Christ suffered on the cross and die for everyone include me. In this magnificent day, I would like to use this day to praise unto God for all He has done for me in my life. For He is always worthy to be praise and worthy to be lifted up.
~Praise You for You are kings of kings
~Praise You for You are Lords of Lords
~Praise You with songs and hymns
~Praise You for You created heaven and earth
~Praise You for You are strong and mighty
~Praise You for Your mercy and grace
~Praise You for Your wonderful love
~Praise You for You are prince of peace
~Praise You for Your sacrifice
~Praise You for loving and accepting me as who am I
~Praise You that you are faithful
~Praise You for you are everlasting kind
~Praise You for the joy you have for me
~Praise You when I still have breath to praise Your name
I am who I am because of the day you die for me. There is no other word than the word thank you and no other friend can sacrifice His life for me. I love You!!!
**Praise Him for He is worthy**
~Praise You for You are kings of kings
~Praise You for You are Lords of Lords
~Praise You with songs and hymns
~Praise You for You created heaven and earth
~Praise You for You are strong and mighty
~Praise You for Your mercy and grace
~Praise You for Your wonderful love
~Praise You for You are prince of peace
~Praise You for Your sacrifice
~Praise You for loving and accepting me as who am I
~Praise You that you are faithful
~Praise You for you are everlasting kind
~Praise You for the joy you have for me
~Praise You when I still have breath to praise Your name
I am who I am because of the day you die for me. There is no other word than the word thank you and no other friend can sacrifice His life for me. I love You!!!
**Praise Him for He is worthy**
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Still...
After the previous title of my blog, “Am I ok?” I am still speechless… still have no ideas what have happen to me. So, I have no idea what to drop down here. I can only pray that tomorrow will be better than today, as I continue to endure and find my focus and direction back.
My heart is in pain, but not even one drop of tears can shed out from my eyes. Try to find a sad movie to watch in order for me to cry my heart out but I end up feeling nothing. I decided to watch comedy then, well… couldn’t really laugh out as well. Hmm…wondering, do I still have feeling? Can I still feel things around me? Where is my emotion? Where is Jenny Liau?
** May God be with me.
** Tomorrow will be a better day.
**Still**
My heart is in pain, but not even one drop of tears can shed out from my eyes. Try to find a sad movie to watch in order for me to cry my heart out but I end up feeling nothing. I decided to watch comedy then, well… couldn’t really laugh out as well. Hmm…wondering, do I still have feeling? Can I still feel things around me? Where is my emotion? Where is Jenny Liau?
** May God be with me.
** Tomorrow will be a better day.
**Still**
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Am i still ok?
I have no idea. Everyday I wake up it’s like dragging a dead body walking around without direction, without purpose, without meaning… Am I still ok?
Every songs that I listened, seems doesn’t pleased to my ears. Every thing that I do seems never going to end. Things are still the way they are and I am still standing on the spot where I am standing. Am I still ok?
Out of the blue, I will have difficulties in breathing. It’s like a big stone pressing on my lungs that I can’t breathe well and I have to take a big breath in order for me to take another breathe. Am I still ok?
All of a sudden, tears will drop down from my cheek; my emotion will control the nights and tears will lead me to my rest. Am I still ok?
Laughter and smiling face are with me, but my heart is in pain and in confuse. What do I want? What do You want? Where am I heading? Could I just go? Am I alone? Am I thinking too much? What have gone into me? Am I still ok?
Thousands and thousands questions pondering around my heart… I wish to stop this feeling, stop these questions, stop this sadness… but I just couldn’t find my secure, couldn’t find my answer, and couldn’t find my peace and direction. Am I still ok?
I am so lost… so confuse… so heavy… so breathless… so clueless… so unhappy. Please bear with me if you are around me. I need support and encouragement.
**Clueless**
Every songs that I listened, seems doesn’t pleased to my ears. Every thing that I do seems never going to end. Things are still the way they are and I am still standing on the spot where I am standing. Am I still ok?
Out of the blue, I will have difficulties in breathing. It’s like a big stone pressing on my lungs that I can’t breathe well and I have to take a big breath in order for me to take another breathe. Am I still ok?
All of a sudden, tears will drop down from my cheek; my emotion will control the nights and tears will lead me to my rest. Am I still ok?
Laughter and smiling face are with me, but my heart is in pain and in confuse. What do I want? What do You want? Where am I heading? Could I just go? Am I alone? Am I thinking too much? What have gone into me? Am I still ok?
Thousands and thousands questions pondering around my heart… I wish to stop this feeling, stop these questions, stop this sadness… but I just couldn’t find my secure, couldn’t find my answer, and couldn’t find my peace and direction. Am I still ok?
I am so lost… so confuse… so heavy… so breathless… so clueless… so unhappy. Please bear with me if you are around me. I need support and encouragement.
**Clueless**
Friday, March 02, 2007
Blue Day...
Already two days I came back from Sabah… Terrible feeling, awful mood. I don’t feel like working, don’t feel like laughing, don’t feel like doing anything else. I only wish that I can stop this feeling and pray that God will take this away from me.
It’s torturing…. I don’t know why, and it’s suffering. I miss my family, I miss my parents, my little brother, my aunt, my home and I miss Grace, Ah Boy, Vui Vui, Shirley, Fui Ping, and others old friends that used to grew up together with me. I miss them badly. Only two weeks, but there are big changes that I have to get used to. One of my colleague no longer works together with me. I miss her…. We used to be very good friend. We came to work together, off together, went out for lunch together, laugh for nonsense, and share each other works. But now, only left me, alone.
Going back to an empty house, the lights are not on and this doesn’t help my mood to be any better. My dear housemate went to Kelantan for working purpose and leaving me alone with my sister only is even worst. Thank God I still have my sister with me. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t really like changes in my life. If can, I would like to keep everything the same and pray that it will never change. But I have no choices but to face changes in life in order for me to grow. This is painful.
Coming back to reality, get myself back to the rat race… Back to packed schedule and busy lifestyle. I hate this kind of feeling. Anyway, I know that tomorrow will be better because each day, I learn to get used to my surrounding in order for me to keep surviving. Learning to be a joyful and a better person each day, to love and treasure everything.
I thought going back to my hometown is for one purpose but I never thought that God want me to settle something else first. That is to settled my past.
Sandakan is the place I grown up. St Michael Church is where I belong, also a place where we meet each other. From stranger, we get to know each other and we further down our relationship. Going back to my church allow many memories came back to me because that is the place our love was built and that should be the place I settle my emotion and my past. Stepping every place that we used to go, walk by streets of memories…. Only left a smile in my heart to thank God for what I’ve been through. The past no longer haunted me, for I am free because Christ dies for me.
**Settled**
It’s torturing…. I don’t know why, and it’s suffering. I miss my family, I miss my parents, my little brother, my aunt, my home and I miss Grace, Ah Boy, Vui Vui, Shirley, Fui Ping, and others old friends that used to grew up together with me. I miss them badly. Only two weeks, but there are big changes that I have to get used to. One of my colleague no longer works together with me. I miss her…. We used to be very good friend. We came to work together, off together, went out for lunch together, laugh for nonsense, and share each other works. But now, only left me, alone.
Going back to an empty house, the lights are not on and this doesn’t help my mood to be any better. My dear housemate went to Kelantan for working purpose and leaving me alone with my sister only is even worst. Thank God I still have my sister with me. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t really like changes in my life. If can, I would like to keep everything the same and pray that it will never change. But I have no choices but to face changes in life in order for me to grow. This is painful.
Coming back to reality, get myself back to the rat race… Back to packed schedule and busy lifestyle. I hate this kind of feeling. Anyway, I know that tomorrow will be better because each day, I learn to get used to my surrounding in order for me to keep surviving. Learning to be a joyful and a better person each day, to love and treasure everything.
I thought going back to my hometown is for one purpose but I never thought that God want me to settle something else first. That is to settled my past.
Sandakan is the place I grown up. St Michael Church is where I belong, also a place where we meet each other. From stranger, we get to know each other and we further down our relationship. Going back to my church allow many memories came back to me because that is the place our love was built and that should be the place I settle my emotion and my past. Stepping every place that we used to go, walk by streets of memories…. Only left a smile in my heart to thank God for what I’ve been through. The past no longer haunted me, for I am free because Christ dies for me.
**Settled**
Monday, February 26, 2007
Simple or complicated?
Yesterday, I have to wake up at 6 am to get myself prepared to church. Man, it’s really early. It’s been 4 years plus that I have not pushed myself to wake up so early to school or church. This is really self discipline.
Around 7.05 am, I reached church. The weather was cool and windy. It’s going to rain soon as you can see in the photo. Stepped into the church, look at the clock, 7.15 am and the church bell rang. Most of the people are half awake, half asleep because it’s really early. However, it is always a privilege to be in the house of God and the first song is sang title, “We bring the sacrifice of praise”.
The order of the service are like the normal sermon that I usual attended, hymns are sang, sermon is preached and holy communion is served to remember that Christ die for us.
After service, like what we normally do last time after every week service, we prepare ourselves to take breakfast in an old place with some old friend, eat some old menu noodle. At night, dinner is served, with the secret recipe of my dear friend. This wonderful dish called, black pearl whereby the other dish is just a simple ‘century egg dumpling (pi dan gau)’ which is quite popular in Sandakan. We have a fantastic time together. As you can see from the picture, they are actually making it so that dinner can be served while I couldn’t help them because I have a bigger calling to do that is to make new ribbon for my church dancers. My friends are considerate because they understand and help me along.
Life in Sandakan is simple, easy and people around us are kind hearted without much bad intention. “Staying here for the rest of your life is not a bad choice after all”, an idea suddenly came out from no where. Maybe different people will have different requirement. Some would like a challenging life so that they can keep on improving themselves, some would like a peaceful and calm life so that they can enjoy the meaning of life, some would like to gain more experiences to be more professional in certain field, some would only want to be with their parents and work a normal job with the same routine for the rest of their life.
These kinds of situations make me think about, what I want for my life? Do I want a continuous stressful and filled with competitor’s life to force myself to improve in the society? Or I would like an uncomplicated life where house and car are provided with an easy job that earn reasonable amount of salary? There are always good and bad in very area and in everything that you see. After all, it depends on what I want my life to be because God gives us choices. After all these thought, again I surrender myself to God. For not what I want but what He wants. Not my will but His be done. Yes, I do have choices, so I choose to follow Him.
**Surrender my all again**
Around 7.05 am, I reached church. The weather was cool and windy. It’s going to rain soon as you can see in the photo. Stepped into the church, look at the clock, 7.15 am and the church bell rang. Most of the people are half awake, half asleep because it’s really early. However, it is always a privilege to be in the house of God and the first song is sang title, “We bring the sacrifice of praise”. The order of the service are like the normal sermon that I usual attended, hymns are sang, sermon is preached and holy communion is served to remember that Christ die for us.
After service, like what we normally do last time after every week service, we prepare ourselves to take breakfast in an old place with some old friend, eat some old menu noodle. At night, dinner is served, with the secret recipe of my dear friend. This wonderful dish called, black pearl whereby the other dish is just a simple ‘century egg dumpling (pi dan gau)’ which is quite popular in Sandakan. We have a fantastic time together. As you can see from the picture, they are actually making it so that dinner can be served while I couldn’t help them because I have a bigger calling to do that is to make new ribbon for my church dancers. My friends are considerate because they understand and help me along. Life in Sandakan is simple, easy and people around us are kind hearted without much bad intention. “Staying here for the rest of your life is not a bad choice after all”, an idea suddenly came out from no where. Maybe different people will have different requirement. Some would like a challenging life so that they can keep on improving themselves, some would like a peaceful and calm life so that they can enjoy the meaning of life, some would like to gain more experiences to be more professional in certain field, some would only want to be with their parents and work a normal job with the same routine for the rest of their life.
These kinds of situations make me think about, what I want for my life? Do I want a continuous stressful and filled with competitor’s life to force myself to improve in the society? Or I would like an uncomplicated life where house and car are provided with an easy job that earn reasonable amount of salary? There are always good and bad in very area and in everything that you see. After all, it depends on what I want my life to be because God gives us choices. After all these thought, again I surrender myself to God. For not what I want but what He wants. Not my will but His be done. Yes, I do have choices, so I choose to follow Him.
**Surrender my all again**
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Family time, family day
I’ve been given the privileged to come back to my hometown for Chinese New Year celebration, rest, and to have some time to spend with my family and friends here. For your information, my hometown is in a beautiful state name Sabah, in a big town name Sandakan. Sandakan is a place where most of the people will say that is peaceful and calm town. Employees start to work at 8am and end their work at 5pm. Some company will have lunch time for 2 hours. People will sleep at 9 or 10pm and most of the café will close at 10.30pm. So, do you agree with me that this is a calm and peaceful place? Parents will sleep early and wake up early for jogging and exercises.
Meanwhile in my house here is even calm and peaceful. My mom and dad sleep around 9.30pm, my house television only have TV1, TV2 and TV3, my brother is studying upper 6 now and my home PC is out of service so it’s in PC’s hospital for treatment now. Thank God that Grace, my best friend is kind enough to borrow me her laptop so that I still manage to connect with the world today.
Nonetheless, we do spend some family time together. One fine morning, the whole family went out for an early morning breakfast. I’ve been morning called on 7am to prepare for the morning breakfast that planned on 9am. This is torturing….
We went out for a tasty breakfast together with one of my aunt friend that came from KK. After the breakfast, the whole family went to visit the new market that located in Harbour square. This is a brand new and beautiful market. Harbour square is a new place which most of Sandakan people will be proud with and where we can see the sea and feel the sea wind. Hihihihihi….
Around noon time, we all went to complex Sibuga for a walk and jogging together with my Dad friend. We have some family time in this place as well. It considered a good place to jog and relax because it’s surrounded with green leaves and trees. It’s refreshing… the air is good, the place is clean and surrounded with birds.
Wonderful time with my friends and family back in hometown where I can only enjoy one’s a year. I’ll be going back to KL in two more days. For sure, I’ll miss them. Miss my family and my old friends here. After going back to KL, life will again become a routine where busy schedule reveal again on my table. Hmm….life still goes on. May God be with me.
**Rest and relax**
Meanwhile in my house here is even calm and peaceful. My mom and dad sleep around 9.30pm, my house television only have TV1, TV2 and TV3, my brother is studying upper 6 now and my home PC is out of service so it’s in PC’s hospital for treatment now. Thank God that Grace, my best friend is kind enough to borrow me her laptop so that I still manage to connect with the world today.
Nonetheless, we do spend some family time together. One fine morning, the whole family went out for an early morning breakfast. I’ve been morning called on 7am to prepare for the morning breakfast that planned on 9am. This is torturing….
We went out for a tasty breakfast together with one of my aunt friend that came from KK. After the breakfast, the whole family went to visit the new market that located in Harbour square. This is a brand new and beautiful market. Harbour square is a new place which most of Sandakan people will be proud with and where we can see the sea and feel the sea wind. Hihihihihi….
Around noon time, we all went to complex Sibuga for a walk and jogging together with my Dad friend. We have some family time in this place as well. It considered a good place to jog and relax because it’s surrounded with green leaves and trees. It’s refreshing… the air is good, the place is clean and surrounded with birds.
Wonderful time with my friends and family back in hometown where I can only enjoy one’s a year. I’ll be going back to KL in two more days. For sure, I’ll miss them. Miss my family and my old friends here. After going back to KL, life will again become a routine where busy schedule reveal again on my table. Hmm….life still goes on. May God be with me. **Rest and relax**
Willing?
On 20th of February, an old friend of mine has his wedding in my beautiful hometown church. Believe me, my hometown church is really pretty because it’s an old church first of all, and this church filled with memories. This is where I grew up; this is where I belong, where I meet God, where I meet most of my good friends and a place where I found things that I’ve lost. Coming back my mother church is always something excited, happy and feels like family. 
This old friend of mine has his wedding in this beautiful church. The ceremony was simple and attractive. During the wedding, it reminds me about willingness. After they get married, they will have to travel to an island name Solomon Island and worked there. All these while, my friend has been working there and his purpose for coming back this time is to bring along his partner to work together with him over there. As I tried to wear the wife shoes and stands on her point of view to think, this is something that need a big commitment, big courage and big responsibility. Throwing everything just to follow someone that he love to somewhere that she have no idea can survive or not, somewhere that she need a big courage to face, a place where might not suitable for her and a place that is totally not familiar to her. Family and friends are all around her most of the time before she is married but now she have to let go of all these and start a brand new journey with her husband, to live together in a strangers place. This is really a big challenge.
When this situation reflect back to me, a question pop up from my mind, do I willing to pay such a cost to someone that mean a lot to me? Or do I willing to let go of my all when there is time for me to let go? It again reminds me of willingness. If I have willingness, if I really love Him, I would go no matter where, I would do no matter what because I know He love me, I am not alone for He is with me. Willingness…. a big lesson and this is what everyone should have when come to certain situation. Not an easy lesson for it takes a big cost.
Lord, teach me to be willing and give me a willing spirit.
**Willingness come from inside**
Friday, February 16, 2007
Can girl and boy become best friend forever?
From the above topic, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend and keep their friendship forever without further down into another level?
A few days ago, I have this topic in mind so I take it out as a conversation with some friend of mine. He strongly agrees that guy and gal will not be best friend only. Some day, they will fall in love with each other and end up become couple. Some of my friend also said that, your best friend is your spouse. So, that actually concludes the whole topic of the above question.
Last time when I was in a relationship, I agree with different gender will never becomes best friend only but now, my stand is no longer that strong but a little bit doubt here and there. After trails and difficulties, your perspective on certain things will change. Why two different genders cannot become best friends? I personally have a few boys’ friends that consider close to me and we share everything.
Some people will agree that, if you broke up in your past relationship, and both of you become friends again and he or she might able to be your best friend forever only with the condition that one of them is attached with someone else. Two single persons will not become best friend. Do this statement valid?
Some people will said that maybe girls will be ok with it having a male friend as their best friend because most of the girls have motherly love and unconditional love to give and share with people around them. But as for guys….they will not invest something that is not his thing or no benefit at all. Is that true in guys’ point of view? Ones a guy treat you more than normal friend, it mean something more than friend and they expect something more than friend. How true is that statement?
Honestly, my point of view is nothing is impossible and nothing is certain. Like one of my friends said that, she will not choose her best friend to be her boyfriend. I asked her, why? She answered me, I have no idea but it just seems weird. As for me, I don’t think it’s weird but I will said, I don’t choose my best friend to be my boyfriend because I cherish the friendship. I don’t hope that I myself am the one that cherish the friendship a lot and I am the one that ruin the friendship at last. Maybe some other will said that it depends on how you define the word “ best friend” and others will said that it depends on what you want and how you see things. Well, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend forever that share everything without further down? Maybe can, but a very thin line. Do drop your comment….
**Can or cannot**
A few days ago, I have this topic in mind so I take it out as a conversation with some friend of mine. He strongly agrees that guy and gal will not be best friend only. Some day, they will fall in love with each other and end up become couple. Some of my friend also said that, your best friend is your spouse. So, that actually concludes the whole topic of the above question.
Last time when I was in a relationship, I agree with different gender will never becomes best friend only but now, my stand is no longer that strong but a little bit doubt here and there. After trails and difficulties, your perspective on certain things will change. Why two different genders cannot become best friends? I personally have a few boys’ friends that consider close to me and we share everything.
Some people will agree that, if you broke up in your past relationship, and both of you become friends again and he or she might able to be your best friend forever only with the condition that one of them is attached with someone else. Two single persons will not become best friend. Do this statement valid?
Some people will said that maybe girls will be ok with it having a male friend as their best friend because most of the girls have motherly love and unconditional love to give and share with people around them. But as for guys….they will not invest something that is not his thing or no benefit at all. Is that true in guys’ point of view? Ones a guy treat you more than normal friend, it mean something more than friend and they expect something more than friend. How true is that statement?
Honestly, my point of view is nothing is impossible and nothing is certain. Like one of my friends said that, she will not choose her best friend to be her boyfriend. I asked her, why? She answered me, I have no idea but it just seems weird. As for me, I don’t think it’s weird but I will said, I don’t choose my best friend to be my boyfriend because I cherish the friendship. I don’t hope that I myself am the one that cherish the friendship a lot and I am the one that ruin the friendship at last. Maybe some other will said that it depends on how you define the word “ best friend” and others will said that it depends on what you want and how you see things. Well, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend forever that share everything without further down? Maybe can, but a very thin line. Do drop your comment….
**Can or cannot**
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Happy Valentines Day
Today is the most romantic day for the whole year. Couple will meet up and share their love and time together. Some of my friends willing to travel miles just to spend this day with their love one…. Awww… so romantic. I would like to take this opportunity to greet every couple, happy valentines day. May God bless every couple that they will continue be in romance and non-stop fall in love with each other. After so many years of being attach with someone, this year I’ll spend my valentines being single again. Hmm….. The feeling is still ok, consider good. I kinda enjoy today because I got accompany by some friends, received some sms and most important is, I can feel the love of my Lord again. Nothing is more precious than the love of God. I’m being reminded how much He love and care for me. While I’m still waiting for the other half of mine, I enjoy life and spend most of my time with my friends and family. Another joyful thing that I wanted to share is the flowers. I received these flowers from two friends of mine. Thank you… so happy because I have flowers for this Valentines Day. Every girls will filled with joy when they received flowers from someone in this special day. Although they gave me the flowers on last Sunday not on the actual 14th February but I do feel cheerful.
Just now, when I was updating this blog, my darling came over to my place and bought me a Ferrero Rocher bouquet. It was a surprise and I’m touch. I am really happy and there are tears in my eyes because I never expect her to give me anything because each of us has a tight budget and her boyfriend is here some more which means that they will need to spend a lot in dinners and gifts. I’m touch and so happy. Thank you dear…. Love you so much too. At that moment, I really thank God. Thank Him for giving me so many wonderful people around me to be with me and to walk with me. No matter where am I, God will provide someone to support and love me. God love me so much, my friends around me love me so much and I love them so much too. I am single but I know, I never alone.
As for single, don’t feel stress because of Valentines Day but take this chances to flash back how beautiful life is. There are a lot of people who care for you as who you are. Nonetheless, take pleasure no matter where you are, no matter you have that special someone or not. Be glad and have faith for God will surely provide and bless us.
**Valentines special**
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Silent journey
There is a time when our spiritual walk with God became quiet and calm. This past two weeks, I tried so hard to walk, to laugh, to smile and do what I suppose to do. Things still doesn’t seems right, doesn’t seems like what I’ve expected. A lot of people said that we should expect more… expect more from God. I do put my expectation on God as well, but most of the time, I don’t get what I expect and I’ll end up stand alone silently before God.
Everything, every word, has more than one point of view. After all, it depends on what we want, how we see things and how we think. Like what I mention in my previous title, I’ve been busy. Busy with ministry, busy with work, busy with friends and busy with my own stuff. Packed schedule, a lot of things I have to learn, a lot of things I have to figure it out and a lot of expectation from here and there. After all these busyness, I look back and ask myself, what do I gain? Do I gain appreciation? Do I gain experience? Do I gain benefits? Do I gain stronger? Or I only gain one word, which is exhausted? I put a lot of effort and time on things that I like, on things or people that matter a lot to me…. Now, I can only stand before God silently, speechlessly. Don’t know what I want, wondering what has got into me? Am I still ok? Am I doing too much? Am I caring too much? Am I still the one that God want me to become?
Struggle here and there; difficulties lay along the entire roadside. I stand in the middle of my journey, silently, without any word in my mind, with no expression in my face and wait upon my Lord.
(Do you find yourself in a "wilderness" experience, isolated from friends and family? If so, the Lord may want to teach you lessons of faith and endurance that you could never learn in a busy crowd. —Dennis Fisher
In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.
God is with you in your most barren wilderness.) * Today’s word in daily bread – speaks to me, speaks about me.
**Cry without tears**
Everything, every word, has more than one point of view. After all, it depends on what we want, how we see things and how we think. Like what I mention in my previous title, I’ve been busy. Busy with ministry, busy with work, busy with friends and busy with my own stuff. Packed schedule, a lot of things I have to learn, a lot of things I have to figure it out and a lot of expectation from here and there. After all these busyness, I look back and ask myself, what do I gain? Do I gain appreciation? Do I gain experience? Do I gain benefits? Do I gain stronger? Or I only gain one word, which is exhausted? I put a lot of effort and time on things that I like, on things or people that matter a lot to me…. Now, I can only stand before God silently, speechlessly. Don’t know what I want, wondering what has got into me? Am I still ok? Am I doing too much? Am I caring too much? Am I still the one that God want me to become?
Struggle here and there; difficulties lay along the entire roadside. I stand in the middle of my journey, silently, without any word in my mind, with no expression in my face and wait upon my Lord.
(Do you find yourself in a "wilderness" experience, isolated from friends and family? If so, the Lord may want to teach you lessons of faith and endurance that you could never learn in a busy crowd. —Dennis Fisher
In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.
God is with you in your most barren wilderness.) * Today’s word in daily bread – speaks to me, speaks about me.
**Cry without tears**
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I've been busy
It’s been 3 weeks plus that I’ve not update my blog. Maybe I’ve get use to it with updating my blog ones in two or three weeks. Nonetheless, tonight I have the opportunity to flash back what I’ve go through in this pass two or three weeks. Required myself to flash back what I’ve been through is really something tough because if you know me well, you will know that I have poor memory. I can forget stuff easily. If you come and asked me what I wear last Saturday to church service, I will need you to give me 3 minute to think what I’ve wear to church last Saturday. So, from that example, you can roughly know how serious that is. Most of my friend will said that I have short term memory lost and they will always remind me on stuff if they required me to help. By the time they remind me, they can actually work it out by themselves. But still, they love me as who am I. Besides that, I have to set reminder in my phone in order for me to remember important things. But slowly, I have to train up myself to remember things by my own and to learn to be independent. Wait…. I’m quite independent also. Just that I don’t like to be alone, so I will always required my friends to keep me companionship. Anyway, that’s a very brief about me and my little memory brain.
Ok, let’s go back to the origin topic. What I’ve been busy about? Let me think…..hmmm…. Basically it’s nothing much about my past two weeks. I've been busy for my routine daily work and ministry. We have one public holiday on the date of 20th February, Saturday. I’ve organize a small outing for my cell group so that we can spend more time to be together and get to know one another. With the agreement of everyone voting the place that they wish to go, we end up going to a famous garden in Kuala Lumpur called Perdana Lake. It considers a pretty park but nothing much we can do over there. Nonetheless, we took some photos….
* Will upload the photo later… (As promised)
Today is another public holiday… Well, about this…I shall update it later then.
**Busy life with no word to explain**
Ok, let’s go back to the origin topic. What I’ve been busy about? Let me think…..hmmm…. Basically it’s nothing much about my past two weeks. I've been busy for my routine daily work and ministry. We have one public holiday on the date of 20th February, Saturday. I’ve organize a small outing for my cell group so that we can spend more time to be together and get to know one another. With the agreement of everyone voting the place that they wish to go, we end up going to a famous garden in Kuala Lumpur called Perdana Lake. It considers a pretty park but nothing much we can do over there. Nonetheless, we took some photos….
* Will upload the photo later… (As promised)
Today is another public holiday… Well, about this…I shall update it later then.
**Busy life with no word to explain**
Saturday, January 13, 2007
In love
A very common discussion yet it’s a difficult topic.
A good friend of mine came back from Penang last week to pack up the things that she left behind last time. She’s now in a relationship…..So happy for both of them because both of them are good friends of mine. The guy plan to give her a surprise shock by meeting with her in pudu bus station while the girl totally have no idea about it because they planned to meet up in Sunway bus stop. When the guy found her, he sms me and said he has found her and now he will bring her home.
Awww…..so sweet. Follow up with the girl sms me and said that she was so happy that he gave her a surprise shock by picking her up in the Pudu bus station. I reply them and said, both of them so romantic that they walk together, holding hands…. Under the hot sun and by the time they reach home, they’ve already become wet chicken.
After the whole conversation, I sit there myself and have a short thought for a while. Being in love is always sweet, always happy and always beautiful. Your surrounding will become beautiful. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, things just seem to be right, thing just seems to be perfect as it is.
As I continue to ponder around and started to dream my “dream man”. A man without face (because I have no idea who should be my life partner that’s why for this certain of time, he has no face until I find him, I’ll replace the face back to my fantasy world) to be with me, stand beside me when I need him, walk with me when I need accompany, hug me when I’m sad and love me and accept me as who am I. Being in love is always sweet and comfortable.
The more I thought about being in a relationship, the more I realize that I am not prepare to be in a relationship right now. I’ve read a blog from a friend of mine title ring. He bought a new ring for her girlfriend as well as himself. In his blog, he mention about commitment. Wherever he goes, the ring will be in his finger, whatever he does, the ring is there. You open the door, the ring is there, he washes dishes, and the ring is there. In different point of view, that is what commitment means. Like it or not, the “ring” will stick with you and whatever you do, you have to do it together with the “ring”.
Right now, in this period of time…a very clear answer from God in different situations that God show me that I am not prepare to be in a relationship. I think I am not ready to step into another relationship as well. I just enjoy being who am I in this New Year, focus doing things that I’ve been called to do and enjoy life while I’m still single and available.
** Not Prepared **
A good friend of mine came back from Penang last week to pack up the things that she left behind last time. She’s now in a relationship…..So happy for both of them because both of them are good friends of mine. The guy plan to give her a surprise shock by meeting with her in pudu bus station while the girl totally have no idea about it because they planned to meet up in Sunway bus stop. When the guy found her, he sms me and said he has found her and now he will bring her home.
Awww…..so sweet. Follow up with the girl sms me and said that she was so happy that he gave her a surprise shock by picking her up in the Pudu bus station. I reply them and said, both of them so romantic that they walk together, holding hands…. Under the hot sun and by the time they reach home, they’ve already become wet chicken.
After the whole conversation, I sit there myself and have a short thought for a while. Being in love is always sweet, always happy and always beautiful. Your surrounding will become beautiful. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, things just seem to be right, thing just seems to be perfect as it is.
As I continue to ponder around and started to dream my “dream man”. A man without face (because I have no idea who should be my life partner that’s why for this certain of time, he has no face until I find him, I’ll replace the face back to my fantasy world) to be with me, stand beside me when I need him, walk with me when I need accompany, hug me when I’m sad and love me and accept me as who am I. Being in love is always sweet and comfortable.
The more I thought about being in a relationship, the more I realize that I am not prepare to be in a relationship right now. I’ve read a blog from a friend of mine title ring. He bought a new ring for her girlfriend as well as himself. In his blog, he mention about commitment. Wherever he goes, the ring will be in his finger, whatever he does, the ring is there. You open the door, the ring is there, he washes dishes, and the ring is there. In different point of view, that is what commitment means. Like it or not, the “ring” will stick with you and whatever you do, you have to do it together with the “ring”.
Right now, in this period of time…a very clear answer from God in different situations that God show me that I am not prepare to be in a relationship. I think I am not ready to step into another relationship as well. I just enjoy being who am I in this New Year, focus doing things that I’ve been called to do and enjoy life while I’m still single and available.
** Not Prepared **
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year~
Happy new year everyone!!!~~~ Yeah.., it’s new year. I feel so excited and happy because it’s new year. New year, new year resolution ( which I haven’t work it out), new style of me (still that pretty…Hihihihihi. If you notice me, there is minor changes of me. Not pimples, ok dude?) , new shoes, new….what else new again ah? I think that’s it.
Yeah….Happy New Year !!!~~~
How you spend your new year? I spend first day with, woke up early morning to go for Dim Sum in SS 2 together with my family in Christ. After breakfast, we went to Salvation and I bought myself a WOW, The Big picture, the bible in 7 minutes a day and can’t wait to start a brand new day with my brand new bible and a brand new relationship with my most love. I also bought some other books for my sister and a friend of mine. I hope they like and will read it because both books are good books that will help them out in their spiritual walk with God.Later on, we went to Puchong because a friend of mine would like to take his stuff from someone but we got lost. Ya….I know…. how nice, first day of 2007, we got ourselves lost in Puchong.
But it’s ok. Little bit hide and seek will not tear our excited spirit down. We continue our day with going to our boss house, and spent our days there.
At night, we went for dinner in KFC. After KFC, we went to pastor’s place to play a board game name, RISK. That was a fun one. I won the battle by completing my mission in “RISK”. So happy….So happy. I never thought I could win because before they teach me to play the game, they told me that it’s quite difficult and it requires your mind technique. As I thought myself, Oh No…I am not that really good in using my mind but lo and behold, I won. Hihihihihihi…. And I reach home around 2 am. Fun first day of 2007? I think so….
**New year**
Sunday, December 31, 2006
The last day of 2006
Today is the last day of 2006. I am so excited for 2007. It’s gonna be excited and challenging. I think it will be tougher than 2006 but I am not afraid.
Looking back year 2006, flashing back all the memories of good and bad, there is only one word I can say that is Thank you. I thank God for His grace and mercy because His grace and mercy are new every morning. Thank God for his love. Thank you to all my fellow friends and family member that are with me most of the time to love and accept me as who I am in rainy, thunder, stormy or sunny days. Thank God for big bump and tunnel in my life to craft me as whom I am today.
Good or bad, time flies. Sweet or bitter, it’s already one year. I’ll miss 2006. I’ll look forward to 2007 as well.
In 2006, there are quite a few numbers of 2006 year resolutions that I achieve and I experience difference kinds of breakthrough. From a girl that don’t know much thing become a girl that long for God’s heart. A girl that hate to social much become a girl that comes back to her house just for a quick bath and rushing out again. A girl that fears water and fear of driving, turns to someone that wish to swim everyday and drive cars like mad dog in the highway. A girl that scared the most to lost her love one, become a girl that willing to surrender everything to God. A girl that don’t know how to care and love people around her become someone that love people around her and matter the most for her.
This year, really turn me upside down and turn me back again. When I read back my blog, I realize that God is always good. God is always with me…what else again matter when he is with me?
Goodbye 2006, you bring me many memories and Hello 2007~~~
Looking back year 2006, flashing back all the memories of good and bad, there is only one word I can say that is Thank you. I thank God for His grace and mercy because His grace and mercy are new every morning. Thank God for his love. Thank you to all my fellow friends and family member that are with me most of the time to love and accept me as who I am in rainy, thunder, stormy or sunny days. Thank God for big bump and tunnel in my life to craft me as whom I am today.
Good or bad, time flies. Sweet or bitter, it’s already one year. I’ll miss 2006. I’ll look forward to 2007 as well.
In 2006, there are quite a few numbers of 2006 year resolutions that I achieve and I experience difference kinds of breakthrough. From a girl that don’t know much thing become a girl that long for God’s heart. A girl that hate to social much become a girl that comes back to her house just for a quick bath and rushing out again. A girl that fears water and fear of driving, turns to someone that wish to swim everyday and drive cars like mad dog in the highway. A girl that scared the most to lost her love one, become a girl that willing to surrender everything to God. A girl that don’t know how to care and love people around her become someone that love people around her and matter the most for her.
This year, really turn me upside down and turn me back again. When I read back my blog, I realize that God is always good. God is always with me…what else again matter when he is with me?
Goodbye 2006, you bring me many memories and Hello 2007~~~
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Christmas is fun
On Christmas day, early morning I woke up and took a bath. Get myself prepared to church morning Christmas service, with my new hair clip, and an excited heart because it’s my most love birthday.
Reach church together with my friends, have a powerful prayer meeting and the service started. Everyone seems happy, everyone feels excited with their new cloths and a happy face.
Before the service ended, we went around shaking hands and greet everyone merry Christmas. Later on, I went around taking pictures because it’s Christmas.
We took our Christmas lunch in Jordon café. After the Christmas lunch, Grace and me went to Pyramid and grab some vegetables to prepare for the Christmas dinner. After everything done in Pyramid, we went to our boss house to get ready for the Christmas dinner.
* I would like to help, but I felt asleep. :P
Christmas dinner is prepared; dinner is now ready to serve. Everyone busy cuts the lamb, enjoying his or her meal that serve with red wine. Without much consideration, I drank a few cups of red wine that cause me little bit dizzy, little bit drunk, talk non-sense and laugh without any reason. It feels good and fun.
* Now I know why heart broken people like to get themselves drunk. Well, I like to get myself drunk too, but drunk in the love of God.
That’s my Christmas day but most important is that, Christmas reminds me how blessed am I, how beautiful this day can be, how great is God and I am not alone. I thought I’ll spend Christmas alone, have a lonely little Christmas all by myself and poor in heart but I was wrong… because there is Christmas, that’s why I won’t be alone.
Reach church together with my friends, have a powerful prayer meeting and the service started. Everyone seems happy, everyone feels excited with their new cloths and a happy face.
Before the service ended, we went around shaking hands and greet everyone merry Christmas. Later on, I went around taking pictures because it’s Christmas.
We took our Christmas lunch in Jordon café. After the Christmas lunch, Grace and me went to Pyramid and grab some vegetables to prepare for the Christmas dinner. After everything done in Pyramid, we went to our boss house to get ready for the Christmas dinner.
* I would like to help, but I felt asleep. :P
Christmas dinner is prepared; dinner is now ready to serve. Everyone busy cuts the lamb, enjoying his or her meal that serve with red wine. Without much consideration, I drank a few cups of red wine that cause me little bit dizzy, little bit drunk, talk non-sense and laugh without any reason. It feels good and fun.
* Now I know why heart broken people like to get themselves drunk. Well, I like to get myself drunk too, but drunk in the love of God.
That’s my Christmas day but most important is that, Christmas reminds me how blessed am I, how beautiful this day can be, how great is God and I am not alone. I thought I’ll spend Christmas alone, have a lonely little Christmas all by myself and poor in heart but I was wrong… because there is Christmas, that’s why I won’t be alone.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas everyone. It’s Christmas day….a day that many people would celebrate it together and a day that many people will look forward too. I personally like Christmas so much. It reminds me how special am I and how wonderful God is. Without Jesus, we won’t have Christmas, without Christmas, I won’t be who I am now. Lord, your salvation is priceless…. Nothing can compare with it and it’s the best gift from You. Thank you Lord.
In this special day, it’s just nice to be with people that you love, to enjoy and spend this excitement day with them. It’s Christmas…. Merry Christmas!!!~~~~
Friday, December 22, 2006
The busy days
After a long wait, I have one hour to spend here. Life has been so busy lately. Let me see, after the last post regarding my stress going to the camp….
So, I went to the camp for one week. After the camp, came back with a busy schedule. From 3rd till 9th of Dec, I was in the camp. 10th came back from KK, our flight delay and we have to travel 2am, reached KL 5am. Some more have to wait until 6am in order for us to get a cab which won’t charge us double price. Reached Sunway, 7.15am and they have to prepare to practice for the worship, prepare for service while I slept in another room because of terrible headache that I never had in all of my life. That was really an awful headache. I think I had that bad headache because I didn’t rest much for the whole week. After 2 hour slept, I woke up and went to service. After service, get myself some rest at home. Monday, I went to Stephen Tong sermon, Tuesday, like normal Tuesday that is worship practice. After the practice, we had a small birthday celebration for my dancer/good friend. Happy birthday beloved…May God continue to love you and guide you through everything.
Wednesday I went to planet shaker conference and accompany a dear friend of mine for the reason that it’s his birthday. Happy birthday dear!!~~ May God keep you strong and handsome to love and serve him faithfully.
Thursday….where I spend my Thursday….Oh ya, I went to church to help out with them with their dance choreograph. This Thursday (14/12/06) it’s also another special day for a dear friend of mine… Blessed birthday dear…May God give you joyful life!!~~
*So, it means that I have 3 precious friend that celebrate their birth in continues day.
Friday, cell group…Saturday service, Sunday we had Christmas party. Wow, that was my last week. I am busy…. On 18th December (Monday), I planned to take that day for my blog, but because my emotion unstable, a friend of mine said he willing to come and keep me company.
*How kind is he…. So touch. :*)
So, we spend the night learning guitar and giving me stress. Tuesday, worship practice again and Wednesday, me and my darling have quality time together. We went out for a fine dining and have a fantastic conversation. Up to today, Thursday…I just came back from shopping mall where I company my housemate to shop things for her niece.
Wow, it’s not easy to drop everything things in my blog. Today’s title looks like an “ABC” soup. Everything was in it and I try to update what had happen in past two/three weeks.
Back to the camp….
These are the pictures of us in LCCT, preparing to KK!!~~
And while we were up in the sky.... God is marvelous.
When we reach there, we went to All Saint catheral service and follow up walking around KK.
The next day, we prepare to practice. Let me introduce you our team:
And while we practising, we have serious fun together...
During the camp, i wasn't allowed to take picture. So, i just got some picture when girls are having fun together in girls room.
The camp itself provide one night concert plus buffet.
After the camp, i have some time to took picture around and it's the last night of the camp.
Overall, we enjoy it a lot. It was an exhausted camp. Most of us have to get up so early around 6am but went to bed late around 1 or 2 am. This is truly a tired camp. Nonetheless, most of us enjoy and learn something throughout this trip. I personally learn how to be a servant instead of being served by other people. We really go there to serve. We pray for people, minister to them, help out in their games, trying to be a good example and lead worship. I learn to humble myself and serve like a servant. From this trip, I can imagine how my life will be if I choose the road that I want. It do question me, am I prepared? Am I ready? Well, I guess I have prepared and I’m ready.
So, I went to the camp for one week. After the camp, came back with a busy schedule. From 3rd till 9th of Dec, I was in the camp. 10th came back from KK, our flight delay and we have to travel 2am, reached KL 5am. Some more have to wait until 6am in order for us to get a cab which won’t charge us double price. Reached Sunway, 7.15am and they have to prepare to practice for the worship, prepare for service while I slept in another room because of terrible headache that I never had in all of my life. That was really an awful headache. I think I had that bad headache because I didn’t rest much for the whole week. After 2 hour slept, I woke up and went to service. After service, get myself some rest at home. Monday, I went to Stephen Tong sermon, Tuesday, like normal Tuesday that is worship practice. After the practice, we had a small birthday celebration for my dancer/good friend. Happy birthday beloved…May God continue to love you and guide you through everything.
Wednesday I went to planet shaker conference and accompany a dear friend of mine for the reason that it’s his birthday. Happy birthday dear!!~~ May God keep you strong and handsome to love and serve him faithfully.
Thursday….where I spend my Thursday….Oh ya, I went to church to help out with them with their dance choreograph. This Thursday (14/12/06) it’s also another special day for a dear friend of mine… Blessed birthday dear…May God give you joyful life!!~~
*So, it means that I have 3 precious friend that celebrate their birth in continues day.
Friday, cell group…Saturday service, Sunday we had Christmas party. Wow, that was my last week. I am busy…. On 18th December (Monday), I planned to take that day for my blog, but because my emotion unstable, a friend of mine said he willing to come and keep me company.
*How kind is he…. So touch. :*)
So, we spend the night learning guitar and giving me stress. Tuesday, worship practice again and Wednesday, me and my darling have quality time together. We went out for a fine dining and have a fantastic conversation. Up to today, Thursday…I just came back from shopping mall where I company my housemate to shop things for her niece.
Wow, it’s not easy to drop everything things in my blog. Today’s title looks like an “ABC” soup. Everything was in it and I try to update what had happen in past two/three weeks.
Back to the camp….
These are the pictures of us in LCCT, preparing to KK!!~~
And while we were up in the sky.... God is marvelous.
When we reach there, we went to All Saint catheral service and follow up walking around KK.
The next day, we prepare to practice. Let me introduce you our team:
And while we practising, we have serious fun together...
During the camp, i wasn't allowed to take picture. So, i just got some picture when girls are having fun together in girls room.
The camp itself provide one night concert plus buffet.
After the camp, i have some time to took picture around and it's the last night of the camp.Overall, we enjoy it a lot. It was an exhausted camp. Most of us have to get up so early around 6am but went to bed late around 1 or 2 am. This is truly a tired camp. Nonetheless, most of us enjoy and learn something throughout this trip. I personally learn how to be a servant instead of being served by other people. We really go there to serve. We pray for people, minister to them, help out in their games, trying to be a good example and lead worship. I learn to humble myself and serve like a servant. From this trip, I can imagine how my life will be if I choose the road that I want. It do question me, am I prepared? Am I ready? Well, I guess I have prepared and I’m ready.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Mixed Feeling
Yeah!!!~~~ Today is Wednesday. Means that my dear housemate will come home today. Can’t wait to see her later. She’s been away for one week and this whole week, I miss her a lot. Everyday when I reach home I will look for her, before sleep I’ll talk to her and when I wake up early morning, I’ll see her. When she went back to her hometown, I find it’s hard to get use to it without her because no one knocks at my door in the morning. The feeling of the past week, came back and went into an empty house without my housemate in it, it’s kind of weird. Wish to talk to her but she’s not there, make me miss her a lot. But today, she’ll be coming back from her hometown. A few more days later, then I will have to go to the Sabah Diocese camp, and it’s her turn to miss me. When I came back from the camp, she’ll be going back to her hometown again. Wow, it’s like an on off game here. No matter where we are, we know that we’ll miss each other so much and most important is that The Lord is with us. Talks about the Sabah camp really cause me mixed feeling. I feel excited, happy, nervous, stress and all sort of weird feeling that I don’t know how to express. I feel excited because all these while, I love to join this camp… I love church camp. For sure, you will learn something that is priceless and build up a terrific fellowship with people around you. Meanwhile, stress and nervous feeling will occur because I’ll be singing as a vocalist in the worship session that lead by our team. This is actually my first time holding microphone and sings to lead people to worship God. I heard that the camp have 400 plus peoples who joined which means that there will be 800 plus ears hearing and 400 plus peoples worshipping together. Can you imagine, me holding mic, singing? I can’t imagine that.
** Ka Seng, now i totally understand your stress before you went to Labuan until throw out.
The main problem is not about 400 peoples or 800 ears but it’s about God. I don’t really care how many people listen to my singing but I care how God think when I sing. I feel afraid that I can’t give my best to Him while He deserves all my best and He deserves all the praise. I afraid that I am not good enough to offer what I have. Please pray for me…. Lord, please guide me and guide my heart. I have nothing, but I have a willing heart.
Monday, November 27, 2006
New hair style
I have new hair style. Yeah babe…. Some people said it look fresh, some people prefer the old hair style and some people need time to get used to my new look. Well, I like it too some how or rather because it’s really a fresh look, I look younger look more like a kid, and it’s a new image. I also like my old hair style just that now I have cut it short, so let’s focus in the positive side. Hihihihihihi….What do you prefer then? Let me know ya. Can’t wait for your comment!!!~~~
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Two months left
What will you do if you are given two months left for your entire life? Which means that, you will die two months later. Pastor gives this question to me and I am requiring thinking about this. Hmm, I’ve been thinking about this question for past three days and yet I still can’t figure it out an answer. What will I want to do? What I want? Two months left… hmm…
Can I get marry? Well, two months is just not enough time for the wedding that I want and furthermore, I don’t have a man that willing to marry a lady that going to die in two months time.
Can I travel? As for my financial situation now, I can only travel to Sabah. So, I guess I spend my two months in Sabah? Wait… let me check air asia first, seems like I can’t afford to go to Sabah now and I came from Sabah. So, what’s the point?
Can I study? Two months time…. I don’t have enough time to learn things that I can learn in two months time.
Share the gospel? Two months? Can or not? Who should I share to?
Spend two months with my parents? Spend with cell members? Spend with Samson? Spend with darling? Spend with Ka Seng? Spend with colleague? Spend with housemate? Spend with worship team members? Spend with…. Who else? Andrew? Pei San? Timothy? Vui Vui? Vun Kiun? Sing Ying? *And the lists go on…
I never really thought about it what I want to do if I’m going to die tomorrow. Wow, it’s a good question that I can think about for a few weeks, maybe months…. Every time I dance, I will dance like I’m going to die tomorrow. I think I should apply this in my life to find out what I want to do if I’m going to die in two months time.
Lord, please guide your little servant down here that look for a way, look for a direction and look for a time.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Be Strong My Friend~~
A beloved friend of mine will be going back to Indonesia today. I think she has left us an hour ago. A very goodbye to her and I pray that she will continue to run for God, love God and be faithful to Him. Friends going away are always something that most of us hated to face. The feeling of miss, the toughness to let go, can’t imagine the day without him/her by our side…but no matter what, people will still bless the person that are going to leave; all the best, good luck and may God be with him/her always.Today’s topic, I would like to indicate it to a precious friend of mine. For sure you will know who am I indicate too when you read this. This is for you.
My Friend
Life is always be tough
Struggle never left us
Decision everywhere
Sometimes, choices are made out of our order
But do not be afraid
For The Lord our God is with you
My Friend
We know how hurt your heart is
We know how cold you feel
But fear not for The Lord count your tears
God’s grace and mercy are new every morning
My Friend
You are not alone
And you will never be
For what you have lost
We truly understand
Still, we will stand by your side
To share your burden
To give you our ears
To borrow you our shoulder
To recognize your needs
My Friend
Suffering bring pain
Suffering cost heartache
Suffering lead you to be stronger
Suffering gives you victories one day
My Friend
Hold on to the mighty one
For He has a better plan for you
Although we might not understand
Nevertheless God always give the best
Everything happen for a reason
For a purpose
To make you a better you
Each day better than today
Be strong and be courage
The Lord our God is always with you
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Another exciting day...
Yeah!!!~~ It’s Sunday again, but tonight we don’t have alpha course but nurture class. Last Sunday is our last alpha course. This is the first time our church held such a big alpha course. It is a success for us because many of us go through sufferings and difficulties in order to get the words to be heard. Leaders get sick out of no reason; intercessors get to attacks from different kind of situation, members involve in all kinds of trouble and pastor whole family was sick. In that period, it is really a hard war for our church to battle with. I personally face problem in my spiritual journey that cause me stop and rest. After I’ve rested, I get back to the battle and pray for them.
After the whole evangelism, we see seeds being planted; people come to know Jesus, people turn to Christ, gave their life to the living God and peoples being baptize in the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit. The whole church becomes stronger because of the trails that everyone been through. This is really something that is significant. It show the unity of the whole church, to gather together in one heart to pray for the church, work together and encourage one another in the midst of suffering.
Last night, my Darling came back from Melbourne. The whole yesterday, I was nervous, excited and felt so joyful to see her again. It’s been one year. There was deal between me and her that I need one year to settle down my thought and emotions. When this one year has arrived, I feel good. It’s another journey again for our friendship, to get to know each other again, to spend time together, to serve God together, to weep and laugh together and encourage each other in our daily walk. She keep on saying that she gain a lot of weight but as for me, I think she still look fine, pretty and the most important thing, she is who she is and I like who she is. Hihihihihihi….Many peoples thought that we are lesbian, but I can assure you guys one’s again, she has boyfriend and we are not couple. Our relationship is more than friends….. She is like my family. I always give thanks to God for what God gave me in my life. She is one of God’s best gifts for me in my life. So today, I spend most of my time with her. Thanks Lord, You are the best!!~~
After the whole evangelism, we see seeds being planted; people come to know Jesus, people turn to Christ, gave their life to the living God and peoples being baptize in the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit. The whole church becomes stronger because of the trails that everyone been through. This is really something that is significant. It show the unity of the whole church, to gather together in one heart to pray for the church, work together and encourage one another in the midst of suffering.
Last night, my Darling came back from Melbourne. The whole yesterday, I was nervous, excited and felt so joyful to see her again. It’s been one year. There was deal between me and her that I need one year to settle down my thought and emotions. When this one year has arrived, I feel good. It’s another journey again for our friendship, to get to know each other again, to spend time together, to serve God together, to weep and laugh together and encourage each other in our daily walk. She keep on saying that she gain a lot of weight but as for me, I think she still look fine, pretty and the most important thing, she is who she is and I like who she is. Hihihihihihi….Many peoples thought that we are lesbian, but I can assure you guys one’s again, she has boyfriend and we are not couple. Our relationship is more than friends….. She is like my family. I always give thanks to God for what God gave me in my life. She is one of God’s best gifts for me in my life. So today, I spend most of my time with her. Thanks Lord, You are the best!!~~
Friday, November 17, 2006
Miss…
Suddenly, I thought about this word. Miss….I learn to miss people around me a lot. Last time, I miss my ex boyfriend a lot and I will only miss him alone. Every day I’ll thought about him, miss him and wish that I can see him a few more hours later. The feeling is sweet, it’s special and it’s fantastic. After a long missing feeling and finally you can see him, that can give me a satisfaction. After we have ended our journey, I no longer miss him and no longer think about him. Slowly, I started to miss people around me. Miss my friends, miss my family and miss my dear one. My darling will be coming back this Saturday. Hmmm…. What kind of feeling will I have? Happy? Excited? Nervous? Annoy? Sad? Na…. I guess I’ll be happy to see her. I miss her a lot. The return of her really something that happen so fast. I still remember the day when she cries like nobody business in the airport while I cry behind her because I miss her a lot. One year later, we are different, things are different and our friendship is different. I can’t wait to see her and spend my time with her. I love her a lot. She loves me a lot too.
The feeling of missing someone is something that word cannot express. It’s like waiting for a sms everyday and prays that when the phone rings, that is the sms that you’ve been waiting for or wait for a phone call for whole day. Miss…. A strong word yet a difficult word to express but just a word miss. Sometimes, I told God that I miss Him too. Sound funny because we don’t normally miss God. When you want to talk to Him, just raise your voice and He’ll be there listening. As for me, I still miss Him. I will tell Him that, I miss Him. I miss you guys…. I miss the person that I should miss…. I miss the feeling of missing someone. I miss my loved one.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Am I getting better today?
I think so…Yesterday I didn’t work because I get a terrible sore throat and nearly fever. It’s been quite some time this sore throat thing left me and never come back but now, because I like chocolate so much, and I have to bear having sore throat and weight gaining as my cost. Yesterday, I spend my day lazily. Morning wake up, realize that I don’t wish to work because of this pain keep on sticking in me every seconds of my life. Then I decided to see doctor and get one-day rest. Fetch my lovely housemate and sister to work, then bought myself some bread, drop by office to hand over my job because it’s my responsibilities and no one will follow up with my job, poor me…. See doc, reach home watch “Friends”, ate my breakfast, chat online, say a simple prayer to my dear friend, sleep, wake up, clean my room, bath, chat online, wait for my housemate to come home, chat with her, practice guitar, chat online, watch movie and sleep. That’s my whole day of resting. Consider it rested day? I think so…
Today, the sore throat is getting better but my neck is swollen because of this sore throat. About my feeling… hmmm, normal mood, missing people that I should miss and bunch of works for me to do because I took one day rest yesterday. I hate my job, it’s boring, it’s old routine, and it doesn’t give me any satisfaction when I’ve finished it. Wonder this is my problem or my job problem?
Arghh…. it’s 2pm again. My lunchtime is over. Have to get back to my old job. Lord, please guide me through.
**Last night, Danny and Winny came over and bought me chinese medicine for the sore throat. So touch.... Thanks both of you. Love both of you so much!!~~
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
It is finished
At last, it is finished. Many people might not understand what it means because just a simple word for “finished” will have different kind of definition .People will interpret it with different point of view as well. Those who know me so well, they will know what it means.
Not much to post about this title, but I just want to write little about it, that it is finished.
At last, it is finished…..it’s over. I’m glad. It will be another tough journey but I will not be afraid. For the Lord is with me. I shall fear no evil.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Calling...
Last night sermon was a good one. It’s about calling. What is your calling? God’s calling is personal, God’s calling is purposeful, God’s calling is providential and we should response to God’s call.
It is so true that God’s calling is personal. It is something very personal between oneself and God himself. When I thought about it, what will my calling be? Am I confirm with my calling? Have I found my calling?
God calling is purposeful. Does my calling give God a purpose? Am I doing something that is purposeful now for my calling? Hmmm…..
God calling is providential. This is something that everyone knows but no one dare to try I would say so. Even if you ask me, I dare not to think too. I really dare not to think because my life is not in my hand.
After the sermon last night, I really repent because of my own knowledge is so limited and I state God is my limitation. So many times, I only see a very small piece of my picture and I dare not to see it further because that small piece of my life had already taken a bit courage for me to walk and I dare not to walk any further because of my past, my pain and the scar that I have in me. Lord, I really need to learn to trust and to surrender everything…really my everything.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Confused
Many times in life, decision has to be made, choices have to be selected. I think I personally wrote about decision and choices for several times in my blog. I still wonder, God gave us free-will choice, but do that still occur.
Many times in my decision-making, seems like the choices that I made not really what I want. I never want a broken relationship, I never really want to work in a HR department, and I never really want to stay in KL. I still remember when I first joined this company, I asked myself again, is this what you want? I get no answer but trying to compromise and to be positive because this company near my church, near the place I stay, I can gain different experience and the most important is that I can serve God more without many troubles. It’s actually a reason or excuses? Am I compromising and lost my focus? Oh my, what had happen to me? As my mind continue to wonder around, I get very confuse…. very confuse. What I want? I have no idea. Am I thinking too much? Am I giving too many excuses? Am I explaining too much? Am I compromising and lost my principle? Am I giving reasons?
Every decision that I make, there is consequences and lesson that I have to bear and learn. Everything has it good and bad. Last time, I was thinking to take a dog as my pet. I knew that for sure, that puppy would bring me a lot of happiness because since I was a little kid, I always wanted a puppy so much as my pet. When I think about the trouble that the puppy will bring me, I stopped and consider my decision again. I told my friend, to have happiness you have to pay the price. To have a puppy I will be so joyful but I have to bear my price…that is to clean him up, to clean the house, to pay for his food and so on. There is no free lunch in this world. Everything comes with a price, come with a cost.
I really confuse. What should I do now? What I want? Which way should I follow? Am I pleasing people? Do my act glorify God? Am I compromising?
Last night, I have a conversation with two persons that matter a lot to me. The advices that they gave me don’t really seem like supporting my act and my point of view. I tried so hard to explain more so that they can understand, but I felt that the more I explain, the more confused I get. I was thinking, why I explained a lot? Am I giving myself excuses? Or this is the reason? It’s really explanation or excuses? Am I trying to make them support my point of view? Am I compromising and try to get what I want? Did I lose my focus? What I want? Why it matters a lot to me what people think? What is my intention for all these? I really confuse. I know that they love and care so much for me, so no matter what critic or advice they gave, I will think and take it seriously. The word that they speak, it makes my ears pain to listen to it. I would say that, it’s cruel to say such a thing to me but I know they speak the truth with love. Without any choices, I have to lay down there and listen.
Can someone tell me what I should do? What I can do? Or I’ve listened to too many comments? Let it be? Stop it? Continue?
Decision? Choices? Do I really have them? Complicated mind? Simple mind?
Lord, please guide my heart and guide my mind….I don't want to hurt people around me. I am confused.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Monday always sucks
Ya, for all working adult, Monday’s is always our worst day of the week. After having relaxing time during weekend, coming back to work on is always a nightmare. I hate Monday, hate Monday so much that will cause me miss my friends a lot, miss my church people a lot, miss my housemate a lot, miss my cell member a lot. Coming back to work the same old routine job is always my last choice. I think I have to change my job. Hmm…. what kind of job should I change to? Still don’t really know what I want for my future. Well, life is full of cross road, full of red lights, and full of junction but not many U-turn can be made. Hmmm…when think about what direction should I take or about which sign board should I follow always end up with headache and fed-up.
Coming back to this office, facing the old superior sometimes make me want to throw out. I know I have a good superior but sometimes, I think he is just too much…. Well, don’t really want to talk more about him because I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with him too. So, it’s actually none of my business that how he reacts or how his character is. Still, I will love him because God teach us to love…. so, I will still accept him as who he is and love him with the love of Christ.
What actually worries me now is that my appetite is coming back and weight is gaining back. After some storm season in life, at last I see my rainbow. This is a good thing or a bad thing? I like my rainbow but my weight is gaining back slowly. To maintain something is always difficult for example, to maintain a car…. to maintain your relationship with people that you love, to maintain your health, to maintain your beauty…is always something tough and need a lot of effort. Hmm…I guess all I can do now is to swim more, eat less, work more and enjoy the season of maintaining things and relationship with people around me.
Yeah, almost lunch time. Lunchtime and going home time are always my happiest moment. Everyday, I long for my lunchtime and going home time. Although I know this is not a good example but still…. I long for it. Hihihihi…. Later, I can meet with my cell member again. Although only one hour but better than none. Miss you guys a lot.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
The update me...
It’s been two week plus that I didn’t update my blog. I miss many opportunity to share wonderful things in my life. Never mind let me summarize it and try to make it more interesting. Hihihihi….
During Hari Raya holiday, me and my lovely cell member spend our first holiday in Lagoon. Wow, that was fun. But I didn’t manage to take picture of our fun time because I scared that my camera will become salt vegetable later. So, everything remains inside my own memory. It’s really fun and happy….I had a amazing time with them. The second day of my holiday, I spend my time with my housemate, going to Salvation to get some books for two dear friends of mine and then I spend time with my cell member again and took dinner with them and go out for a drinks and fellowship with a dear friend of mine that came from Johor.
The third day, I spend the whole afternoon with Flora in the shopping mall and went to Worship team practice at night. I do have quality time with her. The next day after all the holidays, have to get back to my stress atmosphere. Working is always a sad thing for most of the working adult. The same goes to me.
After the holidays, Siew May plan to cook us some delicious spaghetti for us. I took some picture of them having fun in my place.
Oh ya, i got my guitar at last…Yeah…so happy…now, I have new baby. Hmm, I should spend more time with him. A kind hearted guy volunteers to teach me guitar and bought me pick too…Feel so touch and to let you know, he is still single and available. He is a good teacher that teaches a talkative, many questions and naughty student like me with patient and love. So, he considers a good man too… Anyone interested, do let me know. I can arrange with you to meet him. Hahahaha…Just kidding, no offend and still love you like brother.
So, I guess that’s the latest update of me. My journey with my most love is good. I started to love Him more and more. He guides me through a lot of pain and tears. It’s been two months and 5 days. My wound slowly turns to scar and I am getting happier and happier each day. I learn to cherish people around me more and to spend more time with them. I found back myself, found back my direction and enjoy for being who I am in front of Him. Learn to draw strength and joy from Him everyday for He is my most love now and forever.
During Hari Raya holiday, me and my lovely cell member spend our first holiday in Lagoon. Wow, that was fun. But I didn’t manage to take picture of our fun time because I scared that my camera will become salt vegetable later. So, everything remains inside my own memory. It’s really fun and happy….I had a amazing time with them. The second day of my holiday, I spend my time with my housemate, going to Salvation to get some books for two dear friends of mine and then I spend time with my cell member again and took dinner with them and go out for a drinks and fellowship with a dear friend of mine that came from Johor.
The third day, I spend the whole afternoon with Flora in the shopping mall and went to Worship team practice at night. I do have quality time with her. The next day after all the holidays, have to get back to my stress atmosphere. Working is always a sad thing for most of the working adult. The same goes to me.
After the holidays, Siew May plan to cook us some delicious spaghetti for us. I took some picture of them having fun in my place.
Oh ya, i got my guitar at last…Yeah…so happy…now, I have new baby. Hmm, I should spend more time with him. A kind hearted guy volunteers to teach me guitar and bought me pick too…Feel so touch and to let you know, he is still single and available. He is a good teacher that teaches a talkative, many questions and naughty student like me with patient and love. So, he considers a good man too… Anyone interested, do let me know. I can arrange with you to meet him. Hahahaha…Just kidding, no offend and still love you like brother.
So, I guess that’s the latest update of me. My journey with my most love is good. I started to love Him more and more. He guides me through a lot of pain and tears. It’s been two months and 5 days. My wound slowly turns to scar and I am getting happier and happier each day. I learn to cherish people around me more and to spend more time with them. I found back myself, found back my direction and enjoy for being who I am in front of Him. Learn to draw strength and joy from Him everyday for He is my most love now and forever.
Monday, October 23, 2006
A group of friends where I called family of mine
Last Friday night, its Ivan birthday, happy birthday Ivan. Our cell group has a small surprise party for him. Before that, there is another celebration for him too on Thursday night. The pictures that attached is what happened on last Thursday.He has a small cute cheese cake and we have a wonderful time being together.
Later on, our cell group also bought him an American chocolate cake.
We took some crazy picture then we had our dinner in KFC. It’s weird to celebrate people birthday in KFC because that reminds us when we were back in our hometown where we don’t have many choices to make about where to dine-in, and we end up celebrating in KFC. Well, normally KL will not have such a problem for us to find places to celebrate people’s birthday but as for Ivan, he is a special one.
We have wonderful time in KFC. The photos shows the reaction of every one of them when they eat KFC. Start with the birthday boy, a guy that I love to be with. From his reaction, we can tell that it means, “KFC!!! I like it man”. Follow up with a dear friend of mine (Danny) who care for me a lot and I care for him a lot too. His reaction can tell us that, “Man, the KFC new one is so spicy that I barely catch my breath”. Theordo is the one that stare at nothing while he keeps on chewing his stuff in his mouth. He is a funny guy that bring us many laughter although he is a foreigner among us (which means he is from other cell group)
As for Ah Hon, he gets crazy when come to chicken so, he just bites his chicken while I took this photo. Hihihihihi…. The next one is me. Well, I am always the normal one. Hahaha…that love KFC and loves being with the people that I love. My dear cell leader, I love her a lot. She is so cute and you can tell from the picture. When I said that I want to take picture, she covers up her face with two fingers and yet, I still show it in my space. Denise, this girl freak out when she saw Danny took a lot of KFC. She is always a small kid in Ivan’s perspective. Hahahaha….
Chee Leong, a funny guy with many facial expression and can make the whole cell group alive. He is cool. I guess, from his face he wants to tell us that, “Hey, don’t you dare take my KFC I tell you”. Siew May, she is pretty and caring. She will smile very automatically when the camera is pointing at her. So, she just smile while she is drinking.
Oh no…I’ve left Pui Yee and Winny picture. Sorry dear… Will replace it back to both of you when we go KFC again. Ok? Pui Yee is adorable. A wonderful friend that will always love and support each other. Winny is a cool girl that came from Indonesia. She’ll be going back to Indonesia soon. For sure, I’ll miss her a lot. She can play and joke with me crazily while people around us thought that we are discussing serious stuff.
A gang of friend that I called them my family. Hanging around with them makes me feel warm. Each of them bring a lot of laughter, color up my life and support me when my life is full of storm and thunder. I love every one of them a lot and I do appreciate every one of them. All these while, I knew that friends are very important but I never truly understand it. I mean, literally I know they are very important but my heart seems don’t really understand it. But now, after things that happened in my life, I started to see things differently, view matters in different perspective and love people around me sincerely and truly.
Life is full of trials and struggle. I’ve move on with my life trying and learning not to look back and regret. I will still look back to remind myself to be a better person today and even better the day after today. Life is wonderful again when you wake up from a nightmare. Life is fantastic again when we choose to let go and get help. I am happy again for being who I am and getting to know more people around me. To love and accept them as whom they are and have fun together. Thank you for your support and prayer. Thank you for loving and caring me. It’s priceless. I love you guys.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Satisfy easily?
On Tuesday night, my dear housemate bought me a belt out of no reason. And out of no reason, I was so happy about my new belt. All these while, I really need a belt because my pants are getting loose and a few steps I walked, I have to pull my pant up then a few steps I walked, I’ll do that again. It’s annoying. I really need a belt but unfortunately, this month for my financially budget is over my expectation. Without any idea, I have to save up a bit in order for me to manage to go through until end of this month.
I started to ask myself. Am I that easy to satisfy? Only one new belt that bought by my housemate, can make my whole night brighter. Easy to satisfy, good thing or bad thing?
Human being sometimes can be satisfied easily and sometimes it’s difficult to meet the needs. It’s also back to the definition of satisfy that everyone has in their dictionary. People will always says, satisfy easily will get happiness. Some people says, satisfy too easily will have no standard or requirement for living. After all, it’s all in the mind. It’s actually a mind game. If God is in control, then lets play this game with full of faith and trust in Him. It’s a fun game.
Friday, October 13, 2006
No regret
Just now, I drop by my friend blog and read about his thought. He was talking about happiness and regret. It make me pause a while and think. What he mention in his blog is kind of depressing but it’s the fact. Well, the truth always hurt if you notice it. Most of the time, we choose to listen to something good but that “something good” doesn’t mean it’s true. It just end up that, the truth always hurt. Every time I have a discussion with my housemate, when she don’t agree with my perspective, she will said, she speak the truth with love. Arghh….
These words of his makes me think and I’d thought a lot. Is there anything that I regret of not doing it or had done it? Did I act like an adult when I was just a youth? Or did I act like a kid when I suppose to think like a mature lady? Hmm…. questioning around.
While I keep on wondering, I thought about this dear friend of mine. He studied in Johor, a part time insurance agent and he is a faithful servant of God. When I knew that, I was like….. huh? I have no idea how he do it. He has to maintain his result to be good, serve God in his church (every weekend), part time promoting his stuff (maybe he do his part time job when he is free) and last time, he had to spend time with his girlfriend (now, I think he don’t need to do that) and still have some time to chat with me. Wow…. He is good. [*Freeze awhile and think] Ya, he is good.
When I reflect his life to mine, I felt bad. Let me count my day. Weekdays, from morning to afternoon I’ve been reserved by my company. Monday night, I went to Stephen Tong, Tuesday night… worship practice, Wednesday night…. Prayer meeting, Thursday night…sometimes I watch movie, read books, chat online or accompany my housemate. Followed by Friday night, cell group or cell group activities, Saturday night…service and Sunday night, alpha course. Hmm…actually, I’m still available on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning and afternoon. Well, honestly speaking, Sunday I will sleep until very late. From there, I lost Sunday morning. As for Saturday noon, the time passes very fast on Saturday. If I have any spare time, normally I will go out to have fun or fellowship with my church friends. I like to hang around with them. It’s comfortable. So, that’s it. My life….
After compare his life and mine, I think I have to go home and sit myself down to reschedule my time plus social time. I should learn more things so that I can get more knowledge and when I talked to him, we got stuff to chat with. Wait, we do have a lot to chat with right now. Never mind.
I have to really think stuff up so that I won’t regret. I’m 22 this year, I should do what a 22 years old girl been doing. Hmm…what a 22 years old girl normally do then?
These words of his makes me think and I’d thought a lot. Is there anything that I regret of not doing it or had done it? Did I act like an adult when I was just a youth? Or did I act like a kid when I suppose to think like a mature lady? Hmm…. questioning around.
While I keep on wondering, I thought about this dear friend of mine. He studied in Johor, a part time insurance agent and he is a faithful servant of God. When I knew that, I was like….. huh? I have no idea how he do it. He has to maintain his result to be good, serve God in his church (every weekend), part time promoting his stuff (maybe he do his part time job when he is free) and last time, he had to spend time with his girlfriend (now, I think he don’t need to do that) and still have some time to chat with me. Wow…. He is good. [*Freeze awhile and think] Ya, he is good.
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When I reflect his life to mine, I felt bad. Let me count my day. Weekdays, from morning to afternoon I’ve been reserved by my company. Monday night, I went to Stephen Tong, Tuesday night… worship practice, Wednesday night…. Prayer meeting, Thursday night…sometimes I watch movie, read books, chat online or accompany my housemate. Followed by Friday night, cell group or cell group activities, Saturday night…service and Sunday night, alpha course. Hmm…actually, I’m still available on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning and afternoon. Well, honestly speaking, Sunday I will sleep until very late. From there, I lost Sunday morning. As for Saturday noon, the time passes very fast on Saturday. If I have any spare time, normally I will go out to have fun or fellowship with my church friends. I like to hang around with them. It’s comfortable. So, that’s it. My life….After compare his life and mine, I think I have to go home and sit myself down to reschedule my time plus social time. I should learn more things so that I can get more knowledge and when I talked to him, we got stuff to chat with. Wait, we do have a lot to chat with right now. Never mind.
I have to really think stuff up so that I won’t regret. I’m 22 this year, I should do what a 22 years old girl been doing. Hmm…what a 22 years old girl normally do then?
Monday, October 02, 2006
Congratulation!
Going to friends wedding is always a joy. Witnessing them to getting marry and they start a new story together. It’s such an enjoyment and there are tears of joy in people eyes. When I sit there and witnessing their wedding, I felt so touch. Two persons came from different background, different lifestyle, and different culture and with the grace of God; they able to love each other and spend the rest of their life together till death do them apart. Love is always a great thing, a wonderful thing and a beautiful thing.
Love can tear people’s life apart and can join them back together again. Sometimes, love can be ridiculous but faith, hope and love, the greatest is love. Without love, no matter how good the things we do, it will still have emptiness in us. Love…. This word really tears me apart. But I know God will make me whole ones again. Lord, filled me with you love ones again. For only your love can make us satisfy.
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