The journey of two best friends

God’s will bought them together in meeting with each other
They meet when they are in the age of 10
Starting to be best friends in the age of 12
Never realize that both of them travel part of the life journey together
Holding on to each other strongly
Comfort and cry for each other when one of them needs comfort or tears
The path no longer as easy as they thought
Wanting to give up of the journey will come to a choice
A choice to let go and let God
Or a choice of holding on no matter what
Distance again be their enemy
As they grow
Material seems to be interesting
Getting to know new friends that caused them no more time for each other
Continue with they own dreams and vision
That brings them to a journey that they are forced to said goodbye
But both of them knows that this is a never forever goodbye
The word goodbye was spoken
With tears running down each other cheek
Knowing that things no longer the same
Things will never be the same
Hoping and praying that God will continue to guide them
As both of them go after their own dreams
One year later
They are no longer the best friend that they used to be
With something to hold back
That caused their trust been shaken
Their faith no longer the same
Surrounding people give comments
Good and bad, both of them took it
The journey for both of them
No longer travel together
But they walk apart with a broken heart
Distance has caused both of them to be apart again
That now it will be unknown duration of time
Praying and hoping that things between them will be better
When both of them are not in the same area
3 months later
Both of them meet up
Holding hands before God
Just like 10 years ago in the age of 14
They again hug and cry aloud to God
Knowing that they again have each other
By each other side
To comfort and to cry when a smile or tears are needed
With that hug and cry
They know gap between them
Are no longer exist
Love among them is now greater than before
With the assurance that what they have is a gift from God
That they will never want to let go
Never want to give up
But with a grateful heart to give thanks
For what they have
For what God gave
And for the trials that both of them goes through
With God’s grace
They become the best of the best friends
They continue the journey of life together
With comfort, courage and love
To face what is in the front of them
And to hold on to God
With an assurance that they are a present from God

**The journey of two best friends**

Love never fail!

The clock ticks every minute
My heart beat faster every second
My hand gets sweat
With an excited feeling of waiting
Able to meet him again
Can't believe the hour is here
When I can finally meet him
A day where tears that shed
Are worth and valuable
Knowing that I can have
That moment of "together" with him again
Believing that the promise
We used to have are still true
Still real, still accountable
With God in the between of us
We believe there will be a rainbow
In front of us
That keeps us hoping, perseverance
And keeping it alive

**LOVE ALWAYS HOPE, PRESERVERS, TRUST AND NEVER FAIL!**

A thought…

Since young until now, i have quite a number of rich friends around me. They spent money without much consideration. They don’t need to think will it be enough if i spend this money for this thing and what about the next thing i want to buy? They don’t have to worry about not enough, not fully utilize it and will it be a waste if you bought it and not use it.

Some people were born rich while other born in a not so rich family. I am one of them that born in a not so rich family. I don’t have RM50 per week, i don’t get to buy what i want, what i wish and i don’t get to buy things without looking at the price and no need to think about it overnight. Since young, mom told us that money are hard to earn, every penny have to use it wisely. Since a kid, i don’t have fancy Barbie doll but i have enough food, enough cloth and enough necessities for living. Do i consider myself blessed? Of course i consider myself blessed but men are never satisfied.

Sometimes i looked back my past i ask God, why everything that i want, i have to earn it myself? Why everything that i wish for have to beg You so long before i get it? Why i don’t get to ask for more when i don’t have enough from my parents or boyfriend? Why people have less commitment? Why people ask for a car and will get a car? As for me, i ask for a pc only.... i have to wait several years to earn for it.

Most of the times, after got envy with friends around me, i calm myself to think. Why complain when i have enough? Why want more when you don’t need it? I kept myself silent and being reminded in the book of James 1 and reminded that blessed are the poor for they shall see God. Poor people goes through much struggle, trials and difficulties that help them to rely on God more, draw strength from Him and find peace in His presence. Not to offend rich people but the word of God says, indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

Lord, give me what is enough that i will not steal or rob to sin against you. But not too much that i might forget your grace and mercy. Amen

p/s: For those can ask and get it without much earning, count your blessing because not everyone have that blessing.

**Thought**

3rd month

It's the third month now… Can't believe that it's been three months. And in less than a week, he will be here. So excited…

Nothing much recently, except busy with the preparation of the coming Synod meeting that will held on 31st August. I can only pray to God that mistake made lesser, wisdom added by Him more day by day.

Excited because less than one week. May the week they are here, time will pass slower and we can have quality time together.

**3 months**

The rest day

I have a wonderful break yesterday. I manage to do something creative. Something that I never do and something that is not related to work. Hahaha… I manage to play with the clay. I always wanted to do something creative just to refresh myself from work and to rebuild again the strength. Release stress is also one of the reason and to find the moral of the story when I try new things.

Well, I manage to make a ladybird and a mushroom. Although the ladybird eyes are one big and small but still, it is a ladybird ok… not shit. I know, I know it look ugly but don't worry, the ladybird is my first creation. You can see that I improve fast when I made the second one, the mushroom. Always left some space to improve.

The moral of the whole creation thing; Wow… God is creative and he made everyone special. Luckily I am not the one that has the responsibility to create things and make things alive. Can you imagine if I create something?

God is always good, always creative, always loving and He will still love you no matter how extraordinary you are. Maybe from the one big and small eyes ladybird, God will remind me something else one day. We will never know…. But for sure, there is lesson we all should learn and willing to learn everyday.

I will still love my ugly ladybird although it's ugly but because I made it, I will love it. Imagine how much more God's love for us?

p/s: Next break, butterfly maybe… Hahaha…

**A fresh break**

Helpless….

One fine afternoon, Grace phone rang….

G: Hello
Me: Can you tell me things will be ok?
G: Ok! Everything will be ok.
Me: Why it doesn't sound convincing?

When you need someone to tell you things will be ok because you wish to hear that everything will be ok but when you heard it, it doesn't sound that things will be ok. Not that the way she said is not convincing but my heart are not convinced

It’s my problem or my heart problem?
All I want to hear and wish is that things will be ok… But when I get what I want, how come I am not smiling and feeling what I suppose to feel whereby the feeling of helpless will occur.…

Please… Please Lord… Please tell me things will be ok!

**Helpless….**

Dance is an art

It is always a joy when I able to dance in front of my Lord. Every time I am on the stage, there will only one motive, one heart and one focus that to make my Lord pleased with what I am doing.

To fill His heart with joy and to visualize that He is looking at me with a smile, my heart melt like someone that I long for and deeply in love is happy. Most of the time, I failed to make Him smile. I can only confess and said I'm sorry because I am weak. But when I dance for Him, my heart will goes to His and my focus is to show Him and to express myself what words and music are not enough to explain how I feel. Body language can talk and it show how we feel. I believe that dance do speaks and dance is like a picture with a million words. When you have no word but only emotions that is the time when you feel like dancing. I feel like moving my feet just to show Him how much I feel when I am really feel happy and I feel like moving my hand to let Him know much my sad is when I am really in pain.

Some people believe that words are limited. Words cannot really express what we really want to share but music, dance and art can talk behalf of us.

**Dance is one kind of art too**

The journey of life

Some people said, life is like a book
Some will believe life is a journey
Different books have its own story
Different journey of life have its own tale
Don’t judge a book by its cover
Don’t judge human by its appearance
No one can fully understand every chapter of your life
No one can completely recognize the path that you face
Some will comment that it's an easy path
Some will cry and believe that its a painful path
But no one knows how pain is your heart
Neither how cheerful you feel
No one knows how grateful you feel when you truly feel
Only God understand is always the comfort we carry
Only God knows every pain and laughter we walked through
For every road, God never leave us
He watched us walk slowly and closely
We run for Him when we are passionate
Felt down and cry when we are broken
Dancing on the road side when we have the happiest moment
Different journey, different breakthrough
Who we are to compare whose path is harder or simpler
Who we are to judge and comment what bring us joy and pain?
God grace sufficient for every single one, every single day
With joy, I willing to walk in the darkness with Him
Rather than in the light without Him

**Journey of Life**

Need a break

It’s been two months now. My table started to filled up with files, paper, documents and something that I have no idea with what is that. Since my boss is back, I've not been really sit down and have a relax job. I like to just sit in from of my laptop with my feet up on the chair crossed with a soft songs playing and with a good cooling environment that won't make me sneezing the whole day. It is just nice with a cup of white coffee in front and I work on the things slowly and comfortably. These two weeks, can't even enjoy that for one day.

Trying to make myself comfortable then I've been called in for meeting or else I need to go out to collect rental or banks. Else I'll be rushing for some letters or report.

Now, I really understand why some of us long for the Tuesday break so much. I can't wait to have mine on this coming Tuesday off. I really need a break badly. Just to recharge myself so that I can again have a refresh next two weeks. A day off just for the sake of doing something that I like and my mind off works for awhile. I should start to plan my Tuesday off soon so that I can used that day fully. May God be my strength and wisdom.

**Need a break**

Frustrated week

So, other than meetings to attend and load with works I experience why Sabahan hate to go back to their own place and yet they still have to go back sometimes because that's where they belong. What I experience is about almost a week my apartment run out of water. Totally run out of water. If you know me, I hate it so much when there is no water supply. I rather no electricity but there is still water supply. I will have the whole sense of things are not clean enough when there is no water provided.

For almost the whole week waiting for be water and in the mood of frustration. I get very frustrated when no water but Thank God I guess after yesterday, things get back to normal. Hope that it will continue to be normal. Or else, I'll be all frustrated again. Learning to calm down the frustration, it's a good lesson…

**Frustrated week**

04.07.08

A random chat as usual…

Me: So how is you gf? Well from chicken pox? Got scar?
CL: Ya… fully recover already but still recovering from the pox pox
Me: So cham o… I actually wish to have chicken pox too but with danny beside me … please
CL: Wa… you want to suffer to have your bf beside you meh?
Me: Of course ma… then can let can let him worry me a bit… then nervous a bit… then sayang me more and care me more. Feel loved also… hahahah
CL: Hahahah… can feel you really really X100 miss him wor
Me: Hahaha…. Little bit like that la

## Take a short break from working, have a thought about the chat for awhile.

Hmm… I guess I really really miss him until I also didn't notice that I miss him so much that my words tell and people around me can feel it. God, I really miss him….I think this is the first time i miss someone this much.

Counting day by day and prayed that when he is here, time will pass slower and we can at least have some quality time together.

**Miss you badly**

A long week

It's been a long day for me this few days. Big boss is back from the holy land so as his PA that came back from holiday. Other than meeting and prepare to meeting I am busy around with preparing meetings material and to get myself ready. So this week it's all about meeting. Indeed, a tiring and stressful week.

This weekend will be a working weekend for me. Saturday work half day in the office and will continue to work in my room for the sake of preparing myself the Sunday meeting. Sunday will spend my morning in both services and serve as a dancer that lead 8 people to dance together and in the afternoon, we will have ground breaking service in some where here that we need to travel 40 minutes to reach. Continue with a thanksgiving ceremony for our new staff quarters follow up with dinner that will be provided and meeting. That will be my weekend. The meeting will continue the next day and ends before lunch time. Wow… first time I gonna attend a long meeting like this. Well, I believe I will learn so many things throughout the whole meeting.

Other than long and tiring days, Sabah maxis have some problem. My mobile keep showing that no network to access and I can't call out neither can anyone call in. I can't call Danny and he can't call me. In my mind I thought, phone is the only way we can communicate that time because I don't have internet connection when I left the office and he also have problem with internet when there are chances to meet online. I type the sms but I can't send out. We tried to call each other until our mobile out of battery and yet we can't reach each other. Man… that really sucks.

I miss him…. Miss him badly… with the bad line connection thing it make both of us cherish each other more and to cherish every phone conversation that we have.

**A long week**

Baby Jennie

When i'm only a few months old + when i was 6 or 7 years old in the musical drama and i'm acting as Mary

When i'm in the age of 2 or 3...


When we are kids...
And when we've grown up...


When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
1 Corinthians 13:11

Inspirational

Human have to go through difficulties to find the real meaning of life. The same goes to me. I've been lost about the meaning of life in past few months. Don't think that every Christian knows the meaning of life. Christian is also human and human is weak and sinful that's why we need God badly. There is a moment when I kneel down before Him, I am speechless. With only one thought, what am I here for? Is it only to praise God, worship Him, follow the same routine of work every week and to try to achieve something which human will never able to achieve? This is all about life?

Walk in a journey that you've totally lost the meaning of life and focus is very scary. The road seems dark and silent and you have to sense of direction at all. You can only sit at the road side and cry that God will come to rescue you. It's like a sheep lost its shepherd.

But when I read what Rick Warren shared about his life, tears overflow my eyes and there I know I am back to my shepherd arms.

The strong arm that hold me tight and all my fears are away.
The big arm that cover me from strong wind and cold
The comfort arm that I can always lie down after a long walk of loneliness
The peaceful arm that reminds me how much He love me
The arm I can always cry at and find comfort

Enjoy Rick Warren words….

#Note: It's an interview a few years ago and now Kay Warren (Rick Warren wife's) had won the cancer battle and is now in healthy and well condition

Rick Warren (REMEMBER HE WROTE 'PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE')
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren,
Rick said: People ask me, What is the purpose of life?
And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.
God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.

God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, 'which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.
It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free. We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
God's Blessings on you today.
#

**Inspirational**

Endurance

Recently I heard there is a few couple that has difficulties. Everyone knows that two person from different point of view and taught up from different school will always have difficulties in trying to make things right and trying to convince each other in certain things. I know it's not easy.

Being together and maintain the relationship is never an easy task. From the point you fall in love with him/her and decided to choose to be with him/her no matter what happen, we all should know that no empty promises should be made and the journey will not be easy. Happiness will not come like fairy tales but effort, time and money will always need to spend in order to make things ok. Things will only be ok but not perfect.

It is sad to know that things didn't work out for certain couple although they try to work things out. As we all can read and see that percentages of divorce couple is getting higher and higher year after year and people change their partner like changing a piece of cloth. Why do old times couple will last whereby the generation for now will not last as we all prayed for eternity?

Is it because the word appreciates no longer in our own dictionary? Or because of making ourselves happy is always the priority? Taking each other for granted no longer an issue. The word endurance no longer a clear and strong word as each couple sees it.

At the end of the day, maybe we should sit back and think, is it worth to let go when you know you have not tried the best to make things work out? It is worth to let go when you have spend most of the time together and all things will be wasted? Is it worth to just step back and pretend that things will be alright? Is it worth after all the time, moments, feelings and effort that have paid?

**Love always trust, always hope and always perseverance**

New chapter begins

After a month and three weeks settling down, I started to get used to the lifestyle here. It’s different from my previous lifestyle so as my previous expectation. Never expect things will be this way but anyway, I am still learning. There are differences such as attitude that you need to carry, behavior that you need watch out, words that you used to speak, expression that you used to give, discipline that you need to pay, and the list continued.

With a new lifestyle, let's start with my new place.
This is where I stay. This building called staff quarters. Its new coz they've just finish built is a month ago. We moved in on the 26th of May 08. I am staying in the top floor on the right hand side.

This is where I will be alone, have my privacy and a personal relationship with God so as Danny.

I planned this place for devotion, bible and books reading but I am still waiting for the small table that they have no more stock. Well, I guess by the time they have stock, maybe I no longer want it coz I've already get used to using different place to do my bible and books reading.

This is the biggest toilet in the whole staff quarters apartment which is mine and Michelle washroom. We share one washroom together.

This is the living room

And kitchen

We have three rooms and two bathrooms in one apartment. I am staying with Michelle and Nicole. Each of us takes one room so that we have our own privacy and time to be alone.

Nice house? I think God is good... He provide us what we want. So, why worry? It's a new chapter.

**New start**

Hmmm

Browse through a few people's blog… found out that people is moving on with their life. Like it or not, we still have to move on although it's a happy day or a blue day. One of my close friends recently broke up with her boyfriend. It reminds me how hurt it was last time and I started to read back what I've go through last time. Every time I browse through the previous post, I will give thanks to God. God is really faithful. I again being reminded how He bought me through when I can no longer walk but He carried me through. I tried t encourage my friend as well, to take the courage to walk each day and to let time to take place for the healing process.

As I browse through some people blog, they put in some pictures to make it interesting. I'm reminded that I used to do that too last time. Sometimes, word just couldn't describe all our thought but a picture will do coz a picture can have a thousand word. It all depends on how you define things and how you want it to be is all in your mind. Well, I guess I should take out my camera again and to snap a few picture to make my blog interesting again. People used to tell me that they like to browse my blog coz it's interesting with the picture. Since only words left here, I guess not many people will drop by now.

Anyway, with picture or not, this is still the place where I will put on what I want to remember so that I'll be reminded that God is love, God is faithful and God is with me when I thought that He is not with me. Life is a journey, a long journey that I choose to travel together with my best friend, my king and my father. So, enjoy life…

**Hmmm***

It's been a month plus

Ya, it's been a month plus I'm here. Still surviving and learning many things in life. I'm lost when i first step into my work place. Wondering it this what You want me to do? Is this what I like? Is this what I've been waiting for? Going around confusing, doing things without my own stand.

Asking myself and God so many times, where am I and why I don't feel what I suppose to feel? Where are You when I am in Your house and yet You are not there. With this one month plus of struggle, waiting and silence walk, I get a puzzle each day for myself to join them together so that I able to see a bigger picture when the time is here. Puzzle by puzzle, by heart get comforted. Everyday I guessed what will be the picture be?

Things started to get busier day by day, my responsibilities started to get heavier. Not really happy or stress about it but I just do what I think I can do. Still worrying that I can't cope my work so as the position that I am taking but I promise God and myself, whatever I can, I will try my best, give my best to make things work.

It is still a foreign country for me. People here are still stranger for me. Slowly I am adapted to the lifestyle here, get myself to bed before midnight and struggle to wake up very morning before 7am. I know I am walking very slow compare to my standard speed but I rather walk slowly than to rush myself to the speed which will cause me tiredness in a short while. I remind myself not to walk too slowly as well that everyone will pass through me.

Life here is still weird for me. I guessed I will let time pass as I blend myself in. Please pray for me as you read this. It is not as tough as I thought and yet not as easy as I expected. May God's love and grace be sufficient for me as I draw closer to Him each day.

**One month**

Public Holiday

Last Saturday is a public holiday. Well, I get the opportunity to rest a lot and get very bored. I even planned to walk out alone just for shopping but didn't manage to due to the heavy rain. With no choice, I stick in my room, jumping around coz of overly bored and finally, I did this just to cure the sickness of jumping it around and shouting for no reason.


Nice? Hahaha… Doing this, end up eyes pain due to over use energy but at least, I have fun.

**Public Holiday**

1.40am

I've seldom wake up middle of the night just to drop down my thought nowadays. But tonight, I just feel like writing something.

It's 1.40am now that I woke up and open up my working laptop to write a few words and pray that I will have a good rest after I write it down.

Friendship.... a word that used to be so closed to my heart and now seems like a stranger to me. Some people are lucky enough to have good friendship all the way throughout their journey of life. Some called themselves blessed when he/she found someone that walk with him/her for a quarter of life. As for me, I name myself blessed and fortunate to experience the journey of my life for us to walk together for a quarter of the trip.

I always mention that time is moving, so as some peoples life and things around us. I always remind myself to appreciate the "moment" that I ones have with someone for I know; I will never walk back the same path with him/her.

Until today, I am still thinking, what is the true definition of friendship? I thought I knew it so well, did it so well and had gave it all well but up to today, I get confuse with it. Is it only about the moment? Or only for temporary happiness. People said best friend difficult to find but I used to say that is not true. I guessed it is true now for this new chapter of my life.

Sometimes, I rather choose to be alone than to take my heart out and I get it back in pieces.

**Who are you, friendship? I no longer know you**

Unspoken cry

I only want to serve You, why is it so hard?

I only want to be with You, why is it so far?

I only want to love You, why is it so pain?

Lord, may Your grace sufficient for me each day. May Your presence be with me always. May Your wisdom is enough for me and May Your comfort come when there is only tears I can shed in a silent pain, invisible burden and a quiet journey.

**Unspoken cry**

This is how it work

**How cool is this...**

Everyone knows that to maintain a long distance relationship is tough. Even people around me said that it is impossible to maintain a long distance relationship or they will said that they don’t believe in long distance relationship. I used to be one of them but things changed, so as my thought. I believe that we are separated for a reason and he thinks that too because everything happen for a reason. To be in a relationship is never easy, what more than not being around with each other.

**I'm watching American Idol from 8tv through the web cam in Danny's place**

We try to be there, try to spend more time togehter and try to endure till the times come when we will be together all the time. As for now, we will focus on what we are called to do. May God’s grace sufficient for both of us and may He be the center of us.

**It work...**

It’s been a week now

It’s been a week that i’ve left the place i’ve spent 6 years. Can’t believe that i’ve been here for a week. Everything started to be ok although i’m still not very sure of many things. When people ask me, are you ok? I answered, i’m ok but i doubted. Am i really ok? I am blur more than ok. Some pastors ask me, are you ok? I look at them for a few sec and said, erm... i guess so. Then i said i am ok and will be ok. Right now, just a bit blur. Then they said, it’s ok. It’s ok to be not ok and it’s ok to be blur. I guess they didn’t expect me to be ok in such a short period too. Well, i don’t wish to push myself to be ok in such a short period too.

Cried for a few days, slowly i started to get use to it. At least i know where to do laundry, where to find food, where am i working, where i sit, how should i wear, where should i go and where is the church. Started to get use to it that he no longer beside me and can’t meet him everyday. All i have is only his voice. Sometimes, i still can see him but i can’t touch him. Being in a distance love so far is still ok for me. As least i still able to cope it and it’s not as bad as i thought. Of course, we have to pray hard to reduce unnecessary miscommunication. May God guide us through.

Deep inside, i know i’m ready. Ready in a sense that whatever i’ll be facing, challenges that i will have to take and things that i will learn and to be mold. I’m excited in how God will use me in another hand, i’m blur as well. May God show me His direction. This is it... This is the land where i will be different person. A land that will mold me, train me to be a stronger, better person and closer to Him. Same journey, new chapter of life.

**A week of blur**

A calm night

Tonight is a calm and beautiful night. The music plays and a calm wind blow by. I hold my hands together to get warmer. Sitting in a strange place with him sitting beside me. I look around and have a thought for awhile. Time pass so fast and it only left 2 more days before I fly off. How do I really feel right now? Besides of all the busy settling stuff, handling things, meeting up with friends and catching up with books, I really didn’t spare much time in recognizing my feeling.

Can’t deny that tear is the biggest issue for me right now. I’ve been in this place and been in this church for 6 years. Feeling sad to leave is such a normal case for me. I can’t believe time pass this fast that my time has finally came. In another hand, I am excited for the new life that I’m going to face and yet I too have the problem of letting go and move on. After all, like it or not, I will still have to move on and prepare for the journey that I will meet in my coming days.

Thank you for those who remember me, treat me for such an expensive dinner, willing to spare their precious time with me and trying so hard to make things work out for me. I truly appreciate and I can’t stop giving thanks to God when I thought of you all.

Two more days... I can only pray that the Lord is with me, calm my emotion and help me to adapt to new places as soon as possible.

**A calm night**

Last day in PBHSB

Can’t believe that today is the last day working in this company. I’ve been working here for two years and seven months. Exactly two years and seven months. I started to join on 3rd of October 2005 and my last day is 3rd of May 2008.

How do I feel right now? Other than busy settling work, I felt kinda sad. Sad as in I’m leaving and when we meet again, it will never be the same anymore. It’s really my joy to be with them and to work together with them. Although gossip is around, blame is always around but when we laugh, we laugh together and when we suffer, each other is there coz they don’t really have any choice coz it’s their own responsibility as well. Hahaha…

I’m glad to know them and with every one of them and they’ve been a blessing in my life. When time comes, we all have to move on. I wish all of them good luck and all the happiness. May their wish come true.

**Happy going, happy growing**

To be continue…

Well, like that…I’m 24th. Only one single day, I’m now in the column of 24-26 instead of 21-23. No longer 21st, no longer 18th now.

So, after worked, I waited Danny to pick me up and we have our dinner in Mc Donald and some chit chat with some friends. When I reach home, I was thinking to clean my room just for the sake of going to celebrate my birthday, wish to have a clean and tidy room. Low and behold, when I open my room door, everything is in order and it’s clean. I looked at him and smile. With a big hug and said thank you. So touch… he clean my room again. :)

Since I don’t need to clean the room so I took bath and have some rest. Eventually, my rest will lead me to sleep. I slept for half an hour and I was awake by the small sound of whispering. Open up my eyes, I saw a book that I long to buy and I wish to read. I wish to buy that novel so much because the content in it is so attractive. Once I start to read that novel in the bookstore popular, I cannot let go. There are a lot more books that I wish to buy before I go; therefore I have to let go of the novel that I love so much. Who knows, he bought it for me just as a surprise present. I am really happy and ask him, how do you know? Then I laugh myself and think it’s kinda obvious coz I keep mention about the book and keep thinking wanted to buy or not and what are the reasons not to buy it. Now, I hold it happily and read it cheerfully.

After the book, I read one chapter and prepare for my TV - American idol and American next top model. That’s how I spend my last day of being 23rd.

Thank you for those who remember and greet me. I received a few unexpected calls, sms and gifts. Indeed, I’m happy and blessed. Never expect certain people will remember but they did and expected certain people to remember but they didn’t greet me. Anyway, no matter you remember or not, I’m still happy and blessed with friends and family around. Another blessed day and another meaningful birthday.

**Happy Birthday to me**

The last day of 23rd

Tomorrow onward, I’ll be 24th. Hmm… how do it feel to be 24th? Well, I do miss the time when I was young and energetic. Not to said that I’m no longer that active but my activeness have limits nowadays. Growing old is actually a really scary things. Maybe you never realize that you walk slower than others, you forgot things faster than other people and you can no longer walk a few shopping malls in one day. Well, I didn’t said that I’m that old. Anyhow, 24th is still a beautiful age to go passionate and crazy for God.

The last day of being 23rd…..hmm….

This morning I wake up with a thought in my mind. Tomorrow is my birthday. How do I feel? How would I want that day to be? To be normal like everyday basis or to be extraordinary and try different things? wait… before that, maybe I should settle today. So, last day of 23rd ya. I’ll never have my 23rd again. I guess today I should do something that I never do before. Maybe:-


#Watch movie alone? – After work is 5pm and I need to stay at home to prepare to watch American Idol at 9.30pm, plus and minus with bath and dinner I guess not much time left for me to watch movie alone

#Eat alone? – Normally Danny will eat with me. If so I eat alone, I tried that before so, next….

#Eat only ice cream for the whole day? – Now is 1.35pm and it’s half day so, not really into eating ice cream for the whole day

#Eat chocolate only? Wow…. This is tempting… but I don’t think so

#Fly kite with Danny? – This is something I always beg him to do with me but where to find kite in such a short time and where is the place to fly it up?

#Watch sunset? Cool… this is nice but off work at 5pm and plus the jam… I afraid that I’ll end up frustrated more than happy on my last 23rd


So far, that’s all I got in my mind. I guess I just pass my last day simply with someone that I love so much, care a lot and count my joy and blessing that God is with me for pass 23 years. No matter where I go, as long as I’m happy, in a great mood, a normal and routine day can be a bright and interesting day. :)

**The last day of 23rd**

Stronger???

How do we normally define the word, stronger?

You felt down, you cry. You pick yourself up, you grow stronger? Or emotionless?

You face life heartache journey. You cry aloud and you learn to take care of your own heart. You become stronger? Or selfish?

You face financial crisis. You learn to save and cherish every penny. You learn to be stronger? Or stingy?

What is the definition?

I am leaving… I cry… time pass… I adapted to it… tears no longer an issue for me. I become stronger? Or become heartless?


**Stronger?**

The journey

Last night, I realise that many people are leaving. Some to further their study; some go after their own dream, some trying to settle down into a more stable life while some would like to set their path right. Like it or not, there is a road that we have to travel individually.

The statement of ‘people come and go; only true friends will leave heart print in your heart’ has become so real. The journey of life is so long. When we were kids, friends that we meet are different. Things that we expect or required from them are different. When we grown a little bit into becoming youth, some of us might forgot the friends that we use to play with when we were kids past few years.

After youth, we become young adult. College life started to be busy and tons of assignment is closer to the due date. Friends that we made and friends that are around us are no longer the same. Some will get closer of you because you’re smart. Meanwhile other will try to get your favour for the sake of your car. The older you grow, the less true friends you found.

In every season of life, I believe that there will be someone God provide to keep you accompany and to walk with you. When you’ve reach the end of the season, it will be the time you said goodbye to the friend that used to walk with you and said hello to a new friend for the next period of life. The cycle will go on and once you ruin the opportunity, you ruin the friendship.

I like it or not, people come and people go. No matter how much we used to stop the changes and pray that things will remain the same. Yet it remains changing without anyone’s approval.

There is a road that I will travel and adventure with someone else. The same goes to every one of us. I give thanks for those to walk with me, cry with me, laugh with me, play with me, pain with me, crazy with me, grow up with me, stay still with me, and pray for me. With a grateful heart, I give thanks to God. We might not be that close anymore when we meet again in the future. Maybe awkward feeling will appear and can’t think of any topic to start the conversation or to continue the discussion but I want everyone that closed to me before to know that when I walk with you, I cherish the time that we used to have together and I have fun.

**Happy going, happy growing**

So this is it then…

The uncertainties have become certain now. The unsure is now become surer and surer. The time is here; the opportunity is just in front of my next steps.

I’ve been struggling, been waiting, been asking and it is here now.

As the day coming closer and closer, I feel excited about it. Happy and joyful continuously come. As the time is here, I began to see the picture. Although my future is unsecured and still filled with uncertainties but with the promise that God is always with me, God is my security who is against me?

Seriously, I’m not afraid in what I’ll meet later on in my life, in where I’ll stayed or what I’ll eat to get myself full but I will face heartache in another step that I will take.

The last thing that I will ask for is to feel what I’m going to feel. The feeling of missing someone so much and yet you can do nothing about it. You can only hear from him/her. Literally only can hear.

My heart grows cold and my appetite will turn down. Although you know it’s just the matter of time and yet it is tough for me. My goose bump will rise up and tears will fall from my cheek non-stop. I hug you to let you know how I feel and I never want to let you go. I will never let go….

**This is it**

Temptation

Recently my department has this keep fit thing going on. Every lunch period we will talk about keeping fit topic such as how to maintain, what not to eat, what to eat, when to eat, when not to eat and so on. I have to admit that I really gain weight and I’ve stop controlling what I ate lately. Maintaining is actually an issue for me. Want me to maintain not eating certain things that’s torturing.

I like chocolate…. Wait…let me rearrange my word. I lovessssss chocolate like mad. There is one year during lent season; I purposely fast for chocolate due to worry that I’ll over addict to it. Well, I’ve successfully done it proudly.

I love chocolate, I love chocolate cake, I love chocolate donut, and I love everything that comes with chocolate. I didn’t realize that I love chocolate so much until a few years back. I started to love chocolate since I was a little girl… as far as I remember, when I was 8 years old I guess. Everything that I choose will always be chocolate. Of course, not those cheap chocolate that taste weird…

For some people, chocolate is a temptation for them. As for me, it’s a luxury. When you ate such an expensive chocolate and you let it melt in your mouth… that moment, you can feel comfort and joy and your stress will all gone for a while. Not forever, but for a while. I guess most of the time I can’t maintain my weight because I love to eat things that will gives extra weight and yet I don’t want to sacrifice it.

You try to look at the picture beside… it is irresistible. How can one man that love this chocolate so much will said no to it.

The worst part is, I will crave for it once a month when my period is around the corner. Terrible??? I think so too….

**Chocolate**

How deep?

It’s another year of Good Friday. Every year of these days, it will be a mourning day. A day where every Christian should remember what God has done for us and should grief for our sin and sorrow for our wrong. In the midst of reminding ourselves, we able to rejoice even more when Sunday comes and Salvation is so real. By His grace, we are who we are today and by His mercy, we are saved.

As for me, I tried to ask myself how much is my love for God. Every time I talk to Him, I’ll tell Him that I love Him. I’ll tell Him that I really love Him that I willing to give up my everything for Him. Today, when the question came into my mind, how much I love Him? Is it giving up my all gives the definition of loving Him so much? If that so, why do I keep giving Him a hard feeling? Could I just give the reason saying that I’m weak and that’s it? I got stuck. How deep is my love? Or how wide could my love go?

Sometimes, love God is so much easier than loving man but there are times as well whereby love man will be much relaxing than loving God.

It’s an opportunity for myself to realize how deep my love can go for Him or how real is my commitment toward Him.

With Him, I learn to love him and with Him, I learn to be willing. Willing to give, willing to take, willing to let go and willing to sacrifice.

In this year of Good Friday, maybe we all can think how deep is your love got Him?

**How deep?**

A grateful one-year

Can’t believe that time flies and it’s been a year that we walk through the journey of being together. I thank God for his grace and mercy for what both of us have gone through. It is only God and us know how we feel when the first year has reached and there are many more years to come.

Every season in our life, we’re together. With a willing or unwilling heart, we promise to be there, to hold on and to endure. Love is never an easy lesson to learn and yet with him, I learn the meaning of unconditional love and I learn how much God has loved me. With a promise that He will not leave me, I promise I will not leave Him also. With this, I learn to love man with absolute love.

We might not get a secured promise from man that they will never change, but originally, security is from God and not from man. Maybe things will change but when I have the opportunity to love and care with my all, I did my best to care and love. That I will not regret in the future.

I cherish, I treasure, I appreciate

**Thank God for the 1st year**

The excitement of our new church

Yesterday we have our Consecration Service in our new church, new building, Faith Christian center. I could not explain how we all felt when the service started, the hymn is sung and music played, people clapping hands with joy in their heart and face. Gratefully we praise and worship Him.

After a long period of giving, struggling, finding, looking, longing…. It is finally here and it is finally done.

The place is awesome. It’s beautiful and magnificent. The cross is shining; people are lifting hands to give Him praise. It’s a marvelous moment, a moment where everyone is longing for.

So happy… we have a beautiful church.

In this gorgeous moment, camera is the only thing you will not bring and yet I forgot to bring my camera after I charge the battery the day before. Doink***

**Excited**

Quarrel

Quarrel will happen when differences opinion are given, support and trust are no longer within them and win or lose is a big matter.

Couples separated due to misunderstand, broke up due to ego and heart broken due to uncompromising. What make a couple last for 50 years and yet they still can bear with one another? What make couple continue to support each other although they might not believe in it? What make them to stay committed? Money? Sex? Or power?

As for me, I’ll say because of God. God is love. So, we learned to love. In journey of learning to love, costs that were paid are uncountable. Patients that have been given are unlimited. Times that they’ve spent are nothing can substitute it. Moment of being together is irreplaceable. Memories will always be a last thing you want to let go.

Love is never easy and yet God never stop loving us. Why should we stop loving?

Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not proud
It is not rude
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
Always trusts,
Always hopes
Always perseveres.
Love never fails.

**The greatest of all is Love**

Lost

Recently, I felt bored with life. I don’t know why. Seems like everything I did is not right, not useful, not interesting…. I wonder why. I felt bored watching drama series at home; bored with eating the same old meal, same old stall, bored with doing what I am doing now no matter in church or in my work place. I just don’t feel like it. What had happen? I’m still wonder….

Lost of passion? Lost of vision? Or lost of direction?

Am I tired? I am tired of waiting. I am tired of pending but there is nothing much I can do. Since I’ve wait and wait so long, what else do I expect?

Am I tired of serving? I guess I am…

Maybe I don’t feel what people around me are feeling. I did try to find the same feeling and yet I couldn’t get the right sense.

Lord, I’m sorry… I just don’t feel what everyone else is feeling.

**Lost**

Believe

All depends on what you believe, some other will say….

Yesterday as I walked myself home, suddenly the phase ‘love at first sight’ bump into me. As I was thinking… I never believe love at first sight. I think that will never happen to me and it is just stupid. I believe that love have to start with a man-to-man connection and not sight-to-sight connection. Well, that’s my point of view.

I guessed the root cause is believed. If you believe such a thing, miraculously, you will able to find the thing that you believe in. If you believe such an incident, it will happen. If you believe love at first sight, I guess the introduction of your love story should have something to do with love at first sight.

Rev Doc. Stephen Tong said before that, love at first sight, divorce at first fight. Well, this is debatable since it’s all up to our own perspective. As for me, I truly agree because human’s heart is never as simple as the appearance or maybe not as pretty as the appearance.

Again, it’s all about your believe system. Maybe this is all about the mind. That’s why most of the people will say that everything is in your mind. Maybe your fate is all in your mind too. It depends how you think about it. It depends you choose to think positive or negative.

The battle start within your mind…

** The battle of your mind**

I’m the happiest

Today I’m the luckiest and happiest girl in this world. Well, that’s what I feel right now. Although time flies, Chinese New Year just passed and my nose is leaking now, I still have the same feeling.

Why so? Because my room is cleaned by him which he seldom do it for me (my room is so clean that the place that I never clean before is now sparkling) and my lunch is ordered and delivered by him (which is something I wanted to eat so much and with the hot soup that can at least make me feel a bit comfortable with my not feeling well nose now).

Awww…. I feel so blessed and loved that I have to write this down. I’m the luckiest, I’m the happiest and I got the best man ever.

**I’m the luckiest**

I’m back

Coming back to the real life is always a tough thing for me. Emotion swings like crazy, every minute of my time I miss home like crazy and the worst thing is to come back to work. It’s not about I like my job or not but it’s about staying alone in a big city whereby I can only cry out to God when I’m down and I need someone to understand me.

When I reach my KL home, the first feeling… this place looks familiar. Even my eyes have to take some time to get used to what I am seeing. What more about my feelings? The same feeling when I step into my office.

I am a girl that feeling always comes first more than word. Most of the time, I don’t know what to say when there’s only tears I’ll shed.

Although I’m a bit down yesterday but I still manage to enjoy my Valentine Day with him. Never expect any surprises from him but he did something for me. I really enjoy last night to be with him although he is not feeling well and we only manage to grab dinner. What meaningful is not the value of the gift but the effort that he paid and the time that he spend with me.

Lastly, I’m happy to be back to be with him but I’m sad to leave my home again. I wish I could have both…

** I’m back**

Home sweet home

I’ve been back to my sweet hometown for past three days now. Life has been good and lazy. I can say that in these three days, what I’ve been doing is, eat, sleep and help my mom. Actually, eat and sleep is that most than helping her. Hahaha… It’s relaxing, it’s refreshing and it makes my lazy. When I lie down on the sofa, having a good and no worry rest, the feelings of being a teenager came back to me. Whereby there is no stress, no worries, and not much have to think how to survive and get myself money for food and necessities. I miss the time so much that all I worry about is just the matter of friends. Are they true friends or not? Will they betray me? Who is my dream man? When will I know that he is from God? That is all I will worry about as a teenager.

Kinda naïve? Hahaha… I am laughing myself inside. Right now, I worked my own food; life is not as easy as before. Every penny that we earn, with hard work and sweat.

The things that I see this time is so much better than the previous time I came back. Maybe I’ve grown older and many things, I understand deeper. I saw changes in my family; I saw my brother now is so much mature than last time. After all he's been through. My dad will open a topic and chat with us rather than we ask him 10 questions, he only answered ‘ya’ for all the questions. Mom is happy with her job coz she found someone that support her. Aunt loves the family with unconditional love and patients. She even spends time with God and read her bible and the daily devotion.

When I realize their changes, I give thanks to God. God answered my prayer. Other than quarreling small things at home, we all have fun together. Laughing around, joking around and fellowshipping together and have meaningful and memorable family time. Thank you Lord… This means much more than money that can give, love, joy and blessing from you.

** Home Sweet Home**

The injury

As I mention from the pervious post, I hurt myself when I first try out to be a motorbike passenger. My leg has accidentally touched the motorbike exhausts and you know what happen….

At first, I thought it should be ok. So, I didn’t apply anything on it until the next day when I show it to my colleague and they advice me to apply something coz it got dark and red. 3 days later, it becomes swollen and there is water inside. I took picture of it coz I think it look cute. People around me saw it and some of them feel so pain for me while some feel so yucky to touch it. It’s not that pain, trust me. I really think it look cute coz I never experience such an incident before.

A week has pass, and it got worst. The water has come out while I was sleeping and it got itchy. The previous skin need to be cut out and it need to wrap so that it won’t get affected. So yesterday onward, I need to go to clinic everyday for the nursing just to make sure that bacteria won’t affect it. Thank God that it’s a panel clinic from my company. If not, I guess I have to pay more than I expect just to get my leg healed.

The way I walk now it’s a bit weird and it started to get really pain. I get sore throat and flu as well. I pray that I’ll recover from all these before I go back to Sabah for Chinese New Year.

May God’s healing be with me.

A serious injury in the first months of the year 2008 so as an experience that I never had before.

**The Injury**

Reminder

I just cannot believe that I’m still in the office right now. Normally, 5.15pm I will start to say bye bye to my colleague so as my bosses. But right now, everyone said bye to me and I’m being left alone here trying to finish up my stuff (I still take a few minutes to drop something down).

Working life is tired. I means really tired…should I say becoming human is tired? It’s up to each individual definition I guessed.

Work will never finish. I guessed it would finish when you quit your job. Just now, I was in a meeting. I discovered another human nature reaction that will cause me to think about this whole human nature / sinful act. When my boss started to praise one of my colleague, another colleague of mine will join in and said along that, yeah… I have contribution too. “WE” all did it… Nice to hear, right?

When my boss started to scold, blame session will start to occur. Some said, he is the one that didn’t pass me the latest information, site people is the one to blame, I’m not responsible and the blaming continues as usual.

As for me, I’ll just sit there silently and oversees the whole session begins. I’m not saying that I’m so good that I didn’t blame. I did. Anyway, I’m still human. In that meeting, I just learn that when someone else rebukes me, I’ll learn to calm myself down to listen and to think. If it’s really my fault, I’ll learn to admit and not trying to throw responsibilities away.

Blaming is a very natural reaction. You don’t have to think. It’s like your reflect. When you hold something hot, you’ll throw it away in less than one second without thinking. I guessed that’s the same case when come to blaming. You don’t have to think. Just point it and throw it to someone else will do. What an easy task.

Learn to be more like Christ, is always the toughest journey. Nevertheless, I know I’m not alone.

A short reminder for myself, to not to blame but learns to bear and admit.

**Reminder**

A thought from a friend

The sky turn dark, thunder sound and the wind started to blow windy while I’m still rushing at my routine job in the office yesterday before the clock tick to 5pm. When the time reaches 5pm… my heart no longer stay in the office. I want to go home… screamed out loud

Since it’s still raining, I just browse through my friends’ blog and read about her day. Everyday I’ll click on her blog to get her latest update and to get her latest information. I just like to read someone else journey of life to reflect myself on certain things.

She started to share about her grown up, her expectation and people’s expectation toward her. The more I read about her thought, I have this thought about her and about the about myself.

After finish my reading, I decided to have a walk back home under the rain. Normally, I took 15 to 20 minutes to walked back to my place but yesterday; I took 30 minutes to reach home. I walked slowly to think about what she wrote and about people’s expectation. I asked myself, have I ever expect something from someone without my conscious? I guess I did. If not, it won’t disturb my emotion.

Expectation… since I have it with someone I guessed that someone will do have the same expectation from me. Did I manage to fulfill what they expect? Who am I to expect what I should get from them? Why will I expect? And the question goes on….

God made us to hunger for love, care and attention. Sometimes, without my realization, I crave for people to love me, to praise me, to care for me and to have their attention on me. I guessed this is why I will shed my tears when I didn’t get what I expect. After all, no one can totally know what your expectation.

With this conclusion, I started to thank God and ask Him to guide my heart. To set my concept right about God’s blessing and to count my blessing and to give Him praises.

Walking back alone with an umbrella is not a bad experience after all. At least, I’m walking with my Nike slipper and it’s comfortable. With a grateful heart, I found reason to give thanks although the sky seems dark and rains drop down from heaven. With this, I learn to give thanks although things don’t come my way.

**************************

On the same day, I experience two different things that I never plan to do. Other than walked myself home under the rain, I get to ride motorcycle all the way from Sunway to Cheras for about 45 minutes. A terrified experience, but I have fun. Get myself a minor injure but I manage to show my love is more than words and to be there whenever I can.


** My thought**

Tears...

I’ve been living without Internet for several days now. Life still goes on…

I’ve been down these two days. Maybe period came earlier than expected. Tears shed non-stop and for no reason. I just cried for the sake of crying. Why? Coz I feel like crying, so I did. Ya, I know it’s a bit silly but if I don’t cry when I feel like crying, I guess that’s sillier. I just wanted to express something that word cannot said whereby tears can help me to tell.

My best friend once said that tears are the gift from God. It’s amazing, isn’t it? ? You cry when you feel pain. You cry when you feel sick. You cry when you feel touch. You cry when you feel happy. Crying is not a big deal after all. You just let it out when you feel like it.

I do agree that guys scared when ladies cry. That work very quite well with Danny. Not trying to take things for granted but I just wanted to express when I have no word but tears.

** Tears **

Complicated feelings

Ha chu…. Sneezing… I got flu again. A terrible one…

It’s almost 2 am now and I’m still here. Trying to put some words here before I go to rest. My dear housemate has left me with an empty room. How do I feel? I feel a bit weird… complicated feeling.

I’ve been living with her for almost past 2 years. She has been an encourager for me so as a frustrated person for me. Sometimes she treat me like a princess and sometimes she drives me crazy. There is a period of life where she holds on to my hand and we walk together when both of us in pain. The same goes to the time when both of us quarrel for disagreement in discussed issue. Both of us going through joy and sorrow in life, so as bad and good times when either one of us will give cold shoulder when we feel like it. I’ve learned how to admit my fault in front of her and I’ve learned how to accept rebuke and critics from her as well. With the lesson of admitting my own wrong and accepting rebuke taught me to be a person that will face problems and not running away from it. With this, I learn to admit and accept in front of everybody else.

It’s been a blessing that God sent her to be in my life. To accompany to walk through my life darkest time and still love and accept me as whom I am when she knows the ugliest side of me. Not every housemate can do that but God is always good. He knows what He’s doing and God will always send the right person to walk with you.

Now that I’ve grow stronger, the journey I will have to continue with God alone. I would like to let her know how much I cherish the time we spent together last time and how much she has became a blessing in my life, no matter financially, materially or spiritually. She has became an impact in my life and a prayer warrior for me. I know I can always count on her when I just need a shoulder, a hand or an ear. Although she is not perfect, but I love her for whom she is. Goodbye my dear… It’s a joy that we one’s spent the moment together. Although things might not be the same anymore, but it kept inside my heart and it’s in the “count of blessing” list.

**Complicated feelings**

Memorable New Year eve

Before I start anything about New Year… let me share what we’ve did on the New Year eve.

Danny and I plan a small party in our new church with lots of foods. We have some crazy game on to pass the time and everyone laugh like mad on that night. We all have fun and enjoy being with one another.
After a long and tired of laughing games, everyone prepare themselves for fireworks.

A memorable New Year eve and it’s a blessing that we can be with one another, spent some time together and laugh crazily.

**Memorable new year eve**

It’s another one year…

One fine day, as I read back my blog, arranged the photo, memories flies around. Lots of tears, lots of pain, lots of laughter, lots of joy, lots to give thanks, lots I’ve learn, lot of break through in the journey of life and lots of up and down.

In the beginning of the year, I cut my hair… as a sign of new start, new begin, new chapter of life. I guess I’m not going to do that again this year. Our previous cell group has grown larger and larger. From only a few kitten to about 12 peoples. We all have a wonderful time when we used to be that big. Although a bit difficult to manage a lot and care for all of them, there is always something we cannot deny is that, we have terrific time together. Although now left only 5 of us… we still have fun and deeper sharing.

Later on, I went back to my hometown for Chinese New Year celebration. Happily I meet up old friends, spend time with my parents and we have fun there and I went to my friend wedding as well. The first time I spend Valentines Day alone after so many years. Indeed, I feel good, spent my time with Grace and Mic Mic, get a bouquet of Ferrero Rocher from Grace as my Valentines Day gift and also two sunflowers from Danny and Timothy. I guessed spent valentines alone is not that bad after all. I didn’t expect that going back to the place I born will actually tears my heart apart. Most of the place I go, past memories came back to me, scene by scene, places by places. Although its pain going back and seeing all these memories again but God is always good. God knows where I’ve started it and He knows where I should end it. In that place, I surrender and settled what I should give it to God and not carrying it myself.

The breakthrough for me this year was, I went to Genting Highlands alone. I can’t believe that I’ve did it but in fact, I did. One of the biggest fears for me last time is that, being alone. I don’t like to be alone or stay alone. I will feel very lonely. I challenged myself to be alone and went to a place that I’m not familiar with and stay alone and spend time with God alone. It is a good experience and I’ve learn a lot in this trip. Not only that I enjoy of being alone and spending time alone, I find back myself and I find back my focus in life.


Continuously… I started to have feeling for someone else. Started to pray and think about him more and more each day. Started to care for him little bit more and more and without my realization, we’ve fall in love with each other more and more each day. And here is it, I’m in a new relationship. He is special, he is a gift from God, he is cute and I just love and feel comfortable to be with him.
In the middle of the year, we have family camp in our church and we spend 3 nights 4 days in peace heaven near Genting Highlands. This was a great camp. I personally learn a lot about the doctrine of God and live life out with faith. We have this game called games of life. Throughout this game, everyone learned their lesson. From this camp, I able to experience how crushed I was past years and how God has slowly picked me up and mould me to become who He want me to be in the future.

This year, I went to 3 weddings. It’s good to see people getting married. It’s a beautiful occasion with many happy faces and beautiful dresses.

I went to Terengganu for relaxing trip around June…

Parents are here and bringing them around. Have fun spending time with them.

However, 2007 has been a fruitful year for me. Been to many places, learn to relax myself, learn to love, learn to accept, learn to give, learn to share, learn to be a listener and learn to be quiet.

Early of this year, I walked the journey of silence. Whereby no one knows, no one understands and I find myself in the wilderness alone. I prayed, but it was not listened. I cried, but no tear was shed. Most of the time, I’ve been struggling and struggling, waiting and waiting. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Have no idea what I’m struggling about. I choose to endure, I choose to be patient. It takes time to know… and time makes it clearer for me.

Can’t believe that it’s been a year…. I’ve breakthrough… transition period… break down period and stand up period…

I’m excited for next year. It will be another challenging year. Last day of year 2007, with a grateful heart, I give thanks and I count my blessing. Good or bad, it’s from God. Good or bad, I give Him praise. Sorrow or joy, give Him praise. Success or fail, I give Him praise. For He deserve all of our praise. Thank you Lord for this whole year…

**2007**

:)

There is something very special about music. Music can lead you back to the past. Not like back to the future but music can bring you back the moment where you’ve forgot how it feels like. Sometimes, when you heard specific songs, you’ll remember vividly the whole situation such as the moment, the feelings, the atmosphere, the conversation and so on. I guessed that’s the beauty of music.

Some songs will means something to someone while some songs will be their nightmare. As I’m listening to one of the Hillsongs, it leads me back to the place where I thought I’ve forgotten. I still remember clearly why I love that song so much. I guessed I’ve changed. That song no longer in my favorite list.

After not talking to him face to face for almost one and a half year, I thought it will be weird when we talked back. I guessed it’s not that bad after all. We have this opportunity to meet last night and we acted normal so as our conversation. Not a very long conversation but I’m glad that it proves that we can still be friends. I thought I can face him no more for the rest of my life, I was wronged.

God is always good. He knows when the right time is. He knows when is the right time for us to meet and become friends again. I’m happy and so is he. At last, it’s settled.
So as my heart and my emotion.

**:)**