Happy Valentines Day

Today is the most romantic day for the whole year. Couple will meet up and share their love and time together. Some of my friends willing to travel miles just to spend this day with their love one…. Awww… so romantic. I would like to take this opportunity to greet every couple, happy valentines day. May God bless every couple that they will continue be in romance and non-stop fall in love with each other. After so many years of being attach with someone, this year I’ll spend my valentines being single again. Hmm….. The feeling is still ok, consider good. I kinda enjoy today because I got accompany by some friends, received some sms and most important is, I can feel the love of my Lord again. Nothing is more precious than the love of God. I’m being reminded how much He love and care for me. While I’m still waiting for the other half of mine, I enjoy life and spend most of my time with my friends and family.

Another joyful thing that I wanted to share is the flowers. I received these flowers from two friends of mine. Thank you… so happy because I have flowers for this Valentines Day. Every girls will filled with joy when they received flowers from someone in this special day. Although they gave me the flowers on last Sunday not on the actual 14th February but I do feel cheerful.

Just now, when I was updating this blog, my darling came over to my place and bought me a Ferrero Rocher bouquet. It was a surprise and I’m touch. I am really happy and there are tears in my eyes because I never expect her to give me anything because each of us has a tight budget and her boyfriend is here some more which means that they will need to spend a lot in dinners and gifts. I’m touch and so happy. Thank you dear…. Love you so much too.

At that moment, I really thank God. Thank Him for giving me so many wonderful people around me to be with me and to walk with me. No matter where am I, God will provide someone to support and love me. God love me so much, my friends around me love me so much and I love them so much too. I am single but I know, I never alone. 

As for single, don’t feel stress because of Valentines Day but take this chances to flash back how beautiful life is. There are a lot of people who care for you as who you are. Nonetheless, take pleasure no matter where you are, no matter you have that special someone or not. Be glad and have faith for God will surely provide and bless us.

**Valentines special**

Silent journey

There is a time when our spiritual walk with God became quiet and calm. This past two weeks, I tried so hard to walk, to laugh, to smile and do what I suppose to do. Things still doesn’t seems right, doesn’t seems like what I’ve expected. A lot of people said that we should expect more… expect more from God. I do put my expectation on God as well, but most of the time, I don’t get what I expect and I’ll end up stand alone silently before God.

Everything, every word, has more than one point of view. After all, it depends on what we want, how we see things and how we think. Like what I mention in my previous title, I’ve been busy. Busy with ministry, busy with work, busy with friends and busy with my own stuff. Packed schedule, a lot of things I have to learn, a lot of things I have to figure it out and a lot of expectation from here and there. After all these busyness, I look back and ask myself, what do I gain? Do I gain appreciation? Do I gain experience? Do I gain benefits? Do I gain stronger? Or I only gain one word, which is exhausted? I put a lot of effort and time on things that I like, on things or people that matter a lot to me…. Now, I can only stand before God silently, speechlessly. Don’t know what I want, wondering what has got into me? Am I still ok? Am I doing too much? Am I caring too much? Am I still the one that God want me to become?

Struggle here and there; difficulties lay along the entire roadside. I stand in the middle of my journey, silently, without any word in my mind, with no expression in my face and wait upon my Lord.

(Do you find yourself in a "wilderness" experience, isolated from friends and family? If so, the Lord may want to teach you lessons of faith and endurance that you could never learn in a busy crowd. —Dennis Fisher
In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.
God is with you in your most barren wilderness.) * Today’s word in daily bread – speaks to me, speaks about me.

**Cry without tears**

I've been busy

It’s been 3 weeks plus that I’ve not update my blog. Maybe I’ve get use to it with updating my blog ones in two or three weeks. Nonetheless, tonight I have the opportunity to flash back what I’ve go through in this pass two or three weeks. Required myself to flash back what I’ve been through is really something tough because if you know me well, you will know that I have poor memory. I can forget stuff easily. If you come and asked me what I wear last Saturday to church service, I will need you to give me 3 minute to think what I’ve wear to church last Saturday. So, from that example, you can roughly know how serious that is. Most of my friend will said that I have short term memory lost and they will always remind me on stuff if they required me to help. By the time they remind me, they can actually work it out by themselves. But still, they love me as who am I. Besides that, I have to set reminder in my phone in order for me to remember important things. But slowly, I have to train up myself to remember things by my own and to learn to be independent. Wait…. I’m quite independent also. Just that I don’t like to be alone, so I will always required my friends to keep me companionship. Anyway, that’s a very brief about me and my little memory brain.

Ok, let’s go back to the origin topic. What I’ve been busy about? Let me think…..hmmm…. Basically it’s nothing much about my past two weeks. I've been busy for my routine daily work and ministry. We have one public holiday on the date of 20th February, Saturday. I’ve organize a small outing for my cell group so that we can spend more time to be together and get to know one another. With the agreement of everyone voting the place that they wish to go, we end up going to a famous garden in Kuala Lumpur called Perdana Lake. It considers a pretty park but nothing much we can do over there. Nonetheless, we took some photos….


* Will upload the photo later… (As promised)

Today is another public holiday… Well, about this…I shall update it later then.

**Busy life with no word to explain**

In love

A very common discussion yet it’s a difficult topic.

A good friend of mine came back from Penang last week to pack up the things that she left behind last time. She’s now in a relationship…..So happy for both of them because both of them are good friends of mine. The guy plan to give her a surprise shock by meeting with her in pudu bus station while the girl totally have no idea about it because they planned to meet up in Sunway bus stop. When the guy found her, he sms me and said he has found her and now he will bring her home.

Awww…..so sweet. Follow up with the girl sms me and said that she was so happy that he gave her a surprise shock by picking her up in the Pudu bus station. I reply them and said, both of them so romantic that they walk together, holding hands…. Under the hot sun and by the time they reach home, they’ve already become wet chicken.

After the whole conversation, I sit there myself and have a short thought for a while. Being in love is always sweet, always happy and always beautiful. Your surrounding will become beautiful. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, things just seem to be right, thing just seems to be perfect as it is.

As I continue to ponder around and started to dream my “dream man”. A man without face (because I have no idea who should be my life partner that’s why for this certain of time, he has no face until I find him, I’ll replace the face back to my fantasy world) to be with me, stand beside me when I need him, walk with me when I need accompany, hug me when I’m sad and love me and accept me as who am I. Being in love is always sweet and comfortable.

The more I thought about being in a relationship, the more I realize that I am not prepare to be in a relationship right now. I’ve read a blog from a friend of mine title ring. He bought a new ring for her girlfriend as well as himself. In his blog, he mention about commitment. Wherever he goes, the ring will be in his finger, whatever he does, the ring is there. You open the door, the ring is there, he washes dishes, and the ring is there. In different point of view, that is what commitment means. Like it or not, the “ring” will stick with you and whatever you do, you have to do it together with the “ring”.

Right now, in this period of time…a very clear answer from God in different situations that God show me that I am not prepare to be in a relationship. I think I am not ready to step into another relationship as well. I just enjoy being who am I in this New Year, focus doing things that I’ve been called to do and enjoy life while I’m still single and available.


** Not Prepared **

Happy New Year~

Happy new year everyone!!!~~~ Yeah.., it’s new year. I feel so excited and happy because it’s new year. New year, new year resolution ( which I haven’t work it out), new style of me (still that pretty…Hihihihihi. If you notice me, there is minor changes of me. Not pimples, ok dude?) , new shoes, new….what else new again ah? I think that’s it.

Yeah….Happy New Year !!!~~~

How you spend your new year? I spend first day with, woke up early morning to go for Dim Sum in SS 2 together with my family in Christ. After breakfast, we went to Salvation and I bought myself a WOW, The Big picture, the bible in 7 minutes a day and can’t wait to start a brand new day with my brand new bible and a brand new relationship with my most love. I also bought some other books for my sister and a friend of mine. I hope they like and will read it because both books are good books that will help them out in their spiritual walk with God.

Later on, we went to Puchong because a friend of mine would like to take his stuff from someone but we got lost. Ya….I know…. how nice, first day of 2007, we got ourselves lost in Puchong.

But it’s ok. Little bit hide and seek will not tear our excited spirit down. We continue our day with going to our boss house, and spent our days there.

At night, we went for dinner in KFC. After KFC, we went to pastor’s place to play a board game name, RISK. That was a fun one. I won the battle by completing my mission in “RISK”. So happy….So happy. I never thought I could win because before they teach me to play the game, they told me that it’s quite difficult and it requires your mind technique. As I thought myself, Oh No…I am not that really good in using my mind but lo and behold, I won. Hihihihihihi…. And I reach home around 2 am. Fun first day of 2007? I think so….

**New year**

The last day of 2006

Today is the last day of 2006. I am so excited for 2007. It’s gonna be excited and challenging. I think it will be tougher than 2006 but I am not afraid.

Looking back year 2006, flashing back all the memories of good and bad, there is only one word I can say that is Thank you. I thank God for His grace and mercy because His grace and mercy are new every morning. Thank God for his love. Thank you to all my fellow friends and family member that are with me most of the time to love and accept me as who I am in rainy, thunder, stormy or sunny days. Thank God for big bump and tunnel in my life to craft me as whom I am today.

Good or bad, time flies. Sweet or bitter, it’s already one year. I’ll miss 2006. I’ll look forward to 2007 as well.

In 2006, there are quite a few numbers of 2006 year resolutions that I achieve and I experience difference kinds of breakthrough. From a girl that don’t know much thing become a girl that long for God’s heart. A girl that hate to social much become a girl that comes back to her house just for a quick bath and rushing out again. A girl that fears water and fear of driving, turns to someone that wish to swim everyday and drive cars like mad dog in the highway. A girl that scared the most to lost her love one, become a girl that willing to surrender everything to God. A girl that don’t know how to care and love people around her become someone that love people around her and matter the most for her.

This year, really turn me upside down and turn me back again. When I read back my blog, I realize that God is always good. God is always with me…what else again matter when he is with me?

Goodbye 2006, you bring me many memories and Hello 2007~~~

Christmas is fun

On Christmas day, early morning I woke up and took a bath. Get myself prepared to church morning Christmas service, with my new hair clip, and an excited heart because it’s my most love birthday.

Reach church together with my friends, have a powerful prayer meeting and the service started. Everyone seems happy, everyone feels excited with their new cloths and a happy face.

Before the service ended, we went around shaking hands and greet everyone merry Christmas. Later on, I went around taking pictures because it’s Christmas.

We took our Christmas lunch in Jordon café. After the Christmas lunch, Grace and me went to Pyramid and grab some vegetables to prepare for the Christmas dinner. After everything done in Pyramid, we went to our boss house to get ready for the Christmas dinner.

* I would like to help, but I felt asleep. :P

Christmas dinner is prepared; dinner is now ready to serve. Everyone busy cuts the lamb, enjoying his or her meal that serve with red wine. Without much consideration, I drank a few cups of red wine that cause me little bit dizzy, little bit drunk, talk non-sense and laugh without any reason. It feels good and fun.

* Now I know why heart broken people like to get themselves drunk. Well, I like to get myself drunk too, but drunk in the love of God.

That’s my Christmas day but most important is that, Christmas reminds me how blessed am I, how beautiful this day can be, how great is God and I am not alone. I thought I’ll spend Christmas alone, have a lonely little Christmas all by myself and poor in heart but I was wrong… because there is Christmas, that’s why I won’t be alone.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. It’s Christmas day….a day that many people would celebrate it together and a day that many people will look forward too. I personally like Christmas so much. It reminds me how special am I and how wonderful God is. Without Jesus, we won’t have Christmas, without Christmas, I won’t be who I am now. Lord, your salvation is priceless…. Nothing can compare with it and it’s the best gift from You. Thank you Lord.

In this special day, it’s just nice to be with people that you love, to enjoy and spend this excitement day with them. It’s Christmas…. Merry Christmas!!!~~~~

The busy days

After a long wait, I have one hour to spend here. Life has been so busy lately. Let me see, after the last post regarding my stress going to the camp….

So, I went to the camp for one week. After the camp, came back with a busy schedule. From 3rd till 9th of Dec, I was in the camp. 10th came back from KK, our flight delay and we have to travel 2am, reached KL 5am. Some more have to wait until 6am in order for us to get a cab which won’t charge us double price. Reached Sunway, 7.15am and they have to prepare to practice for the worship, prepare for service while I slept in another room because of terrible headache that I never had in all of my life. That was really an awful headache. I think I had that bad headache because I didn’t rest much for the whole week. After 2 hour slept, I woke up and went to service. After service, get myself some rest at home. Monday, I went to Stephen Tong sermon, Tuesday, like normal Tuesday that is worship practice. After the practice, we had a small birthday celebration for my dancer/good friend. Happy birthday beloved…May God continue to love you and guide you through everything.

Wednesday I went to planet shaker conference and accompany a dear friend of mine for the reason that it’s his birthday. Happy birthday dear!!~~ May God keep you strong and handsome to love and serve him faithfully.

Thursday….where I spend my Thursday….Oh ya, I went to church to help out with them with their dance choreograph. This Thursday (14/12/06) it’s also another special day for a dear friend of mine… Blessed birthday dear…May God give you joyful life!!~~

*So, it means that I have 3 precious friend that celebrate their birth in continues day.

Friday, cell group…Saturday service, Sunday we had Christmas party. Wow, that was my last week. I am busy…. On 18th December (Monday), I planned to take that day for my blog, but because my emotion unstable, a friend of mine said he willing to come and keep me company.

*How kind is he…. So touch. :*)

So, we spend the night learning guitar and giving me stress. Tuesday, worship practice again and Wednesday, me and my darling have quality time together. We went out for a fine dining and have a fantastic conversation. Up to today, Thursday…I just came back from shopping mall where I company my housemate to shop things for her niece.

Wow, it’s not easy to drop everything things in my blog. Today’s title looks like an “ABC” soup. Everything was in it and I try to update what had happen in past two/three weeks.

Back to the camp….
These are the pictures of us in LCCT, preparing to KK!!~~


And while we were up in the sky.... God is marvelous.

When we reach there, we went to All Saint catheral service and follow up walking around KK.

The next day, we prepare to practice. Let me introduce you our team:

And while we practising, we have serious fun together...

During the camp, i wasn't allowed to take picture. So, i just got some picture when girls are having fun together in girls room.

The camp itself provide one night concert plus buffet.

After the camp, i have some time to took picture around and it's the last night of the camp.

Overall, we enjoy it a lot. It was an exhausted camp. Most of us have to get up so early around 6am but went to bed late around 1 or 2 am. This is truly a tired camp. Nonetheless, most of us enjoy and learn something throughout this trip. I personally learn how to be a servant instead of being served by other people. We really go there to serve. We pray for people, minister to them, help out in their games, trying to be a good example and lead worship. I learn to humble myself and serve like a servant. From this trip, I can imagine how my life will be if I choose the road that I want. It do question me, am I prepared? Am I ready? Well, I guess I have prepared and I’m ready.

Mixed Feeling

Yeah!!!~~~ Today is Wednesday. Means that my dear housemate will come home today. Can’t wait to see her later. She’s been away for one week and this whole week, I miss her a lot. Everyday when I reach home I will look for her, before sleep I’ll talk to her and when I wake up early morning, I’ll see her. When she went back to her hometown, I find it’s hard to get use to it without her because no one knocks at my door in the morning. The feeling of the past week, came back and went into an empty house without my housemate in it, it’s kind of weird. Wish to talk to her but she’s not there, make me miss her a lot. But today, she’ll be coming back from her hometown. A few more days later, then I will have to go to the Sabah Diocese camp, and it’s her turn to miss me. When I came back from the camp, she’ll be going back to her hometown again. Wow, it’s like an on off game here. No matter where we are, we know that we’ll miss each other so much and most important is that The Lord is with us.

Talks about the Sabah camp really cause me mixed feeling. I feel excited, happy, nervous, stress and all sort of weird feeling that I don’t know how to express. I feel excited because all these while, I love to join this camp… I love church camp. For sure, you will learn something that is priceless and build up a terrific fellowship with people around you. Meanwhile, stress and nervous feeling will occur because I’ll be singing as a vocalist in the worship session that lead by our team. This is actually my first time holding microphone and sings to lead people to worship God. I heard that the camp have 400 plus peoples who joined which means that there will be 800 plus ears hearing and 400 plus peoples worshipping together. Can you imagine, me holding mic, singing? I can’t imagine that.

** Ka Seng, now i totally understand your stress before you went to Labuan until throw out.

The main problem is not about 400 peoples or 800 ears but it’s about God. I don’t really care how many people listen to my singing but I care how God think when I sing. I feel afraid that I can’t give my best to Him while He deserves all my best and He deserves all the praise. I afraid that I am not good enough to offer what I have. Please pray for me…. Lord, please guide me and guide my heart. I have nothing, but I have a willing heart.

New hair style

I have new hair style. Yeah babe…. Some people said it look fresh, some people prefer the old hair style and some people need time to get used to my new look. Well, I like it too some how or rather because it’s really a fresh look, I look younger look more like a kid, and it’s a new image. I also like my old hair style just that now I have cut it short, so let’s focus in the positive side. Hihihihihihi….What do you prefer then? Let me know ya. Can’t wait for your comment!!!~~~

Two months left

What will you do if you are given two months left for your entire life? Which means that, you will die two months later.

Pastor gives this question to me and I am requiring thinking about this. Hmm, I’ve been thinking about this question for past three days and yet I still can’t figure it out an answer. What will I want to do? What I want? Two months left… hmm…

Can I get marry? Well, two months is just not enough time for the wedding that I want and furthermore, I don’t have a man that willing to marry a lady that going to die in two months time.

Can I travel? As for my financial situation now, I can only travel to Sabah. So, I guess I spend my two months in Sabah? Wait… let me check air asia first, seems like I can’t afford to go to Sabah now and I came from Sabah. So, what’s the point?

Can I study? Two months time…. I don’t have enough time to learn things that I can learn in two months time.

Share the gospel? Two months? Can or not? Who should I share to?

Spend two months with my parents? Spend with cell members? Spend with Samson? Spend with darling? Spend with Ka Seng? Spend with colleague? Spend with housemate? Spend with worship team members? Spend with…. Who else? Andrew? Pei San? Timothy? Vui Vui? Vun Kiun? Sing Ying? *And the lists go on…

I never really thought about it what I want to do if I’m going to die tomorrow. Wow, it’s a good question that I can think about for a few weeks, maybe months…. Every time I dance, I will dance like I’m going to die tomorrow. I think I should apply this in my life to find out what I want to do if I’m going to die in two months time.

Lord, please guide your little servant down here that look for a way, look for a direction and look for a time.

Be Strong My Friend~~

A beloved friend of mine will be going back to Indonesia today. I think she has left us an hour ago. A very goodbye to her and I pray that she will continue to run for God, love God and be faithful to Him. Friends going away are always something that most of us hated to face. The feeling of miss, the toughness to let go, can’t imagine the day without him/her by our side…but no matter what, people will still bless the person that are going to leave; all the best, good luck and may God be with him/her always.

Today’s topic, I would like to indicate it to a precious friend of mine. For sure you will know who am I indicate too when you read this. This is for you.

My Friend
Life is always be tough
Struggle never left us
Decision everywhere
Sometimes, choices are made out of our order
But do not be afraid
For The Lord our God is with you

My Friend
We know how hurt your heart is
We know how cold you feel
But fear not for The Lord count your tears
God’s grace and mercy are new every morning

My Friend
You are not alone
And you will never be
For what you have lost
We truly understand
Still, we will stand by your side
To share your burden
To give you our ears
To borrow you our shoulder
To recognize your needs

My Friend
Suffering bring pain
Suffering cost heartache
Suffering lead you to be stronger
Suffering gives you victories one day

My Friend
Hold on to the mighty one
For He has a better plan for you
Although we might not understand
Nevertheless God always give the best
Everything happen for a reason
For a purpose
To make you a better you
Each day better than today
Be strong and be courage
The Lord our God is always with you

Another exciting day...

Yeah!!!~~ It’s Sunday again, but tonight we don’t have alpha course but nurture class. Last Sunday is our last alpha course. This is the first time our church held such a big alpha course. It is a success for us because many of us go through sufferings and difficulties in order to get the words to be heard. Leaders get sick out of no reason; intercessors get to attacks from different kind of situation, members involve in all kinds of trouble and pastor whole family was sick. In that period, it is really a hard war for our church to battle with. I personally face problem in my spiritual journey that cause me stop and rest. After I’ve rested, I get back to the battle and pray for them.

After the whole evangelism, we see seeds being planted; people come to know Jesus, people turn to Christ, gave their life to the living God and peoples being baptize in the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit. The whole church becomes stronger because of the trails that everyone been through. This is really something that is significant. It show the unity of the whole church, to gather together in one heart to pray for the church, work together and encourage one another in the midst of suffering.

Last night, my Darling came back from Melbourne. The whole yesterday, I was nervous, excited and felt so joyful to see her again. It’s been one year. There was deal between me and her that I need one year to settle down my thought and emotions. When this one year has arrived, I feel good. It’s another journey again for our friendship, to get to know each other again, to spend time together, to serve God together, to weep and laugh together and encourage each other in our daily walk. She keep on saying that she gain a lot of weight but as for me, I think she still look fine, pretty and the most important thing, she is who she is and I like who she is. Hihihihihihi….Many peoples thought that we are lesbian, but I can assure you guys one’s again, she has boyfriend and we are not couple. Our relationship is more than friends….. She is like my family. I always give thanks to God for what God gave me in my life. She is one of God’s best gifts for me in my life. So today, I spend most of my time with her. Thanks Lord, You are the best!!~~

Miss…

Suddenly, I thought about this word. Miss….I learn to miss people around me a lot. Last time, I miss my ex boyfriend a lot and I will only miss him alone. Every day I’ll thought about him, miss him and wish that I can see him a few more hours later. The feeling is sweet, it’s special and it’s fantastic. After a long missing feeling and finally you can see him, that can give me a satisfaction. After we have ended our journey, I no longer miss him and no longer think about him.

Slowly, I started to miss people around me. Miss my friends, miss my family and miss my dear one. My darling will be coming back this Saturday. Hmmm…. What kind of feeling will I have? Happy? Excited? Nervous? Annoy? Sad? Na…. I guess I’ll be happy to see her. I miss her a lot. The return of her really something that happen so fast. I still remember the day when she cries like nobody business in the airport while I cry behind her because I miss her a lot. One year later, we are different, things are different and our friendship is different. I can’t wait to see her and spend my time with her. I love her a lot. She loves me a lot too.

The feeling of missing someone is something that word cannot express. It’s like waiting for a sms everyday and prays that when the phone rings, that is the sms that you’ve been waiting for or wait for a phone call for whole day. Miss…. A strong word yet a difficult word to express but just a word miss. Sometimes, I told God that I miss Him too. Sound funny because we don’t normally miss God. When you want to talk to Him, just raise your voice and He’ll be there listening. As for me, I still miss Him. I will tell Him that, I miss Him. I miss you guys…. I miss the person that I should miss…. I miss the feeling of missing someone. I miss my loved one.

Am I getting better today?

I think so…Yesterday I didn’t work because I get a terrible sore throat and nearly fever. It’s been quite some time this sore throat thing left me and never come back but now, because I like chocolate so much, and I have to bear having sore throat and weight gaining as my cost. Yesterday, I spend my day lazily. Morning wake up, realize that I don’t wish to work because of this pain keep on sticking in me every seconds of my life. Then I decided to see doctor and get one-day rest. Fetch my lovely housemate and sister to work, then bought myself some bread, drop by office to hand over my job because it’s my responsibilities and no one will follow up with my job, poor me…. See doc, reach home watch “Friends”, ate my breakfast, chat online, say a simple prayer to my dear friend, sleep, wake up, clean my room, bath, chat online, wait for my housemate to come home, chat with her, practice guitar, chat online, watch movie and sleep. That’s my whole day of resting. Consider it rested day? I think so…

Today, the sore throat is getting better but my neck is swollen because of this sore throat. About my feeling… hmmm, normal mood, missing people that I should miss and bunch of works for me to do because I took one day rest yesterday. I hate my job, it’s boring, it’s old routine, and it doesn’t give me any satisfaction when I’ve finished it. Wonder this is my problem or my job problem?

Arghh…. it’s 2pm again. My lunchtime is over. Have to get back to my old job. Lord, please guide me through.


**Last night, Danny and Winny came over and bought me chinese medicine for the sore throat. So touch.... Thanks both of you. Love both of you so much!!~~

It is finished

At last, it is finished. Many people might not understand what it means because just a simple word for “finished” will have different kind of definition .People will interpret it with different point of view as well. Those who know me so well, they will know what it means.

Not much to post about this title, but I just want to write little about it, that it is finished.

At last, it is finished…..it’s over. I’m glad. It will be another tough journey but I will not be afraid. For the Lord is with me. I shall fear no evil.

Calling...

Last night sermon was a good one. It’s about calling. What is your calling? God’s calling is personal, God’s calling is purposeful, God’s calling is providential and we should response to God’s call.

It is so true that God’s calling is personal. It is something very personal between oneself and God himself. When I thought about it, what will my calling be? Am I confirm with my calling? Have I found my calling?

God calling is purposeful. Does my calling give God a purpose? Am I doing something that is purposeful now for my calling? Hmmm…..

God calling is providential. This is something that everyone knows but no one dare to try I would say so. Even if you ask me, I dare not to think too. I really dare not to think because my life is not in my hand.

After the sermon last night, I really repent because of my own knowledge is so limited and I state God is my limitation. So many times, I only see a very small piece of my picture and I dare not to see it further because that small piece of my life had already taken a bit courage for me to walk and I dare not to walk any further because of my past, my pain and the scar that I have in me. Lord, I really need to learn to trust and to surrender everything…really my everything.

Confused

Many times in life, decision has to be made, choices have to be selected. I think I personally wrote about decision and choices for several times in my blog. I still wonder, God gave us free-will choice, but do that still occur.

Many times in my decision-making, seems like the choices that I made not really what I want. I never want a broken relationship, I never really want to work in a HR department, and I never really want to stay in KL. I still remember when I first joined this company, I asked myself again, is this what you want? I get no answer but trying to compromise and to be positive because this company near my church, near the place I stay, I can gain different experience and the most important is that I can serve God more without many troubles. It’s actually a reason or excuses? Am I compromising and lost my focus? Oh my, what had happen to me? As my mind continue to wonder around, I get very confuse…. very confuse. What I want? I have no idea. Am I thinking too much? Am I giving too many excuses? Am I explaining too much? Am I compromising and lost my principle? Am I giving reasons?

Every decision that I make, there is consequences and lesson that I have to bear and learn. Everything has it good and bad. Last time, I was thinking to take a dog as my pet. I knew that for sure, that puppy would bring me a lot of happiness because since I was a little kid, I always wanted a puppy so much as my pet. When I think about the trouble that the puppy will bring me, I stopped and consider my decision again. I told my friend, to have happiness you have to pay the price. To have a puppy I will be so joyful but I have to bear my price…that is to clean him up, to clean the house, to pay for his food and so on. There is no free lunch in this world. Everything comes with a price, come with a cost.

I really confuse. What should I do now? What I want? Which way should I follow? Am I pleasing people? Do my act glorify God? Am I compromising?

Last night, I have a conversation with two persons that matter a lot to me. The advices that they gave me don’t really seem like supporting my act and my point of view. I tried so hard to explain more so that they can understand, but I felt that the more I explain, the more confused I get. I was thinking, why I explained a lot? Am I giving myself excuses? Or this is the reason? It’s really explanation or excuses? Am I trying to make them support my point of view? Am I compromising and try to get what I want? Did I lose my focus? What I want? Why it matters a lot to me what people think? What is my intention for all these? I really confuse. I know that they love and care so much for me, so no matter what critic or advice they gave, I will think and take it seriously. The word that they speak, it makes my ears pain to listen to it. I would say that, it’s cruel to say such a thing to me but I know they speak the truth with love. Without any choices, I have to lay down there and listen.

Can someone tell me what I should do? What I can do? Or I’ve listened to too many comments? Let it be? Stop it? Continue?
Decision? Choices? Do I really have them? Complicated mind? Simple mind?

Lord, please guide my heart and guide my mind….I don't want to hurt people around me. I am confused.

Monday always sucks

Ya, for all working adult, Monday’s is always our worst day of the week. After having relaxing time during weekend, coming back to work on is always a nightmare. I hate Monday, hate Monday so much that will cause me miss my friends a lot, miss my church people a lot, miss my housemate a lot, miss my cell member a lot. Coming back to work the same old routine job is always my last choice. I think I have to change my job. Hmm…. what kind of job should I change to? Still don’t really know what I want for my future. Well, life is full of cross road, full of red lights, and full of junction but not many U-turn can be made. Hmmm…when think about what direction should I take or about which sign board should I follow always end up with headache and fed-up.

Coming back to this office, facing the old superior sometimes make me want to throw out. I know I have a good superior but sometimes, I think he is just too much…. Well, don’t really want to talk more about him because I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with him too. So, it’s actually none of my business that how he reacts or how his character is. Still, I will love him because God teach us to love…. so, I will still accept him as who he is and love him with the love of Christ.

What actually worries me now is that my appetite is coming back and weight is gaining back. After some storm season in life, at last I see my rainbow. This is a good thing or a bad thing? I like my rainbow but my weight is gaining back slowly. To maintain something is always difficult for example, to maintain a car…. to maintain your relationship with people that you love, to maintain your health, to maintain your beauty…is always something tough and need a lot of effort. Hmm…I guess all I can do now is to swim more, eat less, work more and enjoy the season of maintaining things and relationship with people around me.

Yeah, almost lunch time. Lunchtime and going home time are always my happiest moment. Everyday, I long for my lunchtime and going home time. Although I know this is not a good example but still…. I long for it. Hihihihi…. Later, I can meet with my cell member again. Although only one hour but better than none. Miss you guys a lot.