Fruitful week

Today,4th September 2008 will be a fruitful day, not only a fruitful day but an excited day. I woke up with an excited heart knowing that I have a whole day off that I can at last spend some time to be alone, drop down some of my thought and some time to rest and relax.

It's been a busy week for last few days. I've been working for 16 hours non-stop in the office. And this is my first time ever since I came out to work. I have never worked that hard and long hour before. Wow…. Now I really know how it feels when you become workaholic and all your time is only work and sleep. Eat also not much time, can you imagine that? I even watched the fire works while I'm on my way walking home when they are celebrating the countdown of Merdeka. Anyway, it's a really busy and good past few days. Although quite numbers of minor mistake I did but it give space for me to improve and I offer to God a thanksgiving heart that overall its ok. This is my first Synod and I know what is Synod meeting means now. Hehehe…

Please enjoy the picture for the opening service of Synod that held on 31st August 2008, 6pm. From the whole process of getting ready for the meeting, in the meeting itself and out of the meeting I really thank God for what I have learned, what I have experience and what i am going to improve. I see myself clearer. How do I react when I am really stress, what will my respond be when I have to rush and work faster than time and yet I am bound by time, what will my attitude be when people complain more than appreciating the hard work and who is the supportive friend and who will remember me. I learned more than I expect and I gain experience. This is the way we all learn and from this whole process and the result. I really thank God that he gave me the opportunity to see myself clearer than before and how to improve myself to fulfilled a greater purpose of His. I know success doesn't come overnight but through failure and endurance

Sometimes things doesn't go the way we all planned, do we still give thanks and work without complain? A good questions to meditate on.

** Fruitful week*

The journey of two best friends

God’s will bought them together in meeting with each other
They meet when they are in the age of 10
Starting to be best friends in the age of 12
Never realize that both of them travel part of the life journey together
Holding on to each other strongly
Comfort and cry for each other when one of them needs comfort or tears
The path no longer as easy as they thought
Wanting to give up of the journey will come to a choice
A choice to let go and let God
Or a choice of holding on no matter what
Distance again be their enemy
As they grow
Material seems to be interesting
Getting to know new friends that caused them no more time for each other
Continue with they own dreams and vision
That brings them to a journey that they are forced to said goodbye
But both of them knows that this is a never forever goodbye
The word goodbye was spoken
With tears running down each other cheek
Knowing that things no longer the same
Things will never be the same
Hoping and praying that God will continue to guide them
As both of them go after their own dreams
One year later
They are no longer the best friend that they used to be
With something to hold back
That caused their trust been shaken
Their faith no longer the same
Surrounding people give comments
Good and bad, both of them took it
The journey for both of them
No longer travel together
But they walk apart with a broken heart
Distance has caused both of them to be apart again
That now it will be unknown duration of time
Praying and hoping that things between them will be better
When both of them are not in the same area
3 months later
Both of them meet up
Holding hands before God
Just like 10 years ago in the age of 14
They again hug and cry aloud to God
Knowing that they again have each other
By each other side
To comfort and to cry when a smile or tears are needed
With that hug and cry
They know gap between them
Are no longer exist
Love among them is now greater than before
With the assurance that what they have is a gift from God
That they will never want to let go
Never want to give up
But with a grateful heart to give thanks
For what they have
For what God gave
And for the trials that both of them goes through
With God’s grace
They become the best of the best friends
They continue the journey of life together
With comfort, courage and love
To face what is in the front of them
And to hold on to God
With an assurance that they are a present from God

**The journey of two best friends**

Love never fail!

The clock ticks every minute
My heart beat faster every second
My hand gets sweat
With an excited feeling of waiting
Able to meet him again
Can't believe the hour is here
When I can finally meet him
A day where tears that shed
Are worth and valuable
Knowing that I can have
That moment of "together" with him again
Believing that the promise
We used to have are still true
Still real, still accountable
With God in the between of us
We believe there will be a rainbow
In front of us
That keeps us hoping, perseverance
And keeping it alive

**LOVE ALWAYS HOPE, PRESERVERS, TRUST AND NEVER FAIL!**

A thought…

Since young until now, i have quite a number of rich friends around me. They spent money without much consideration. They don’t need to think will it be enough if i spend this money for this thing and what about the next thing i want to buy? They don’t have to worry about not enough, not fully utilize it and will it be a waste if you bought it and not use it.

Some people were born rich while other born in a not so rich family. I am one of them that born in a not so rich family. I don’t have RM50 per week, i don’t get to buy what i want, what i wish and i don’t get to buy things without looking at the price and no need to think about it overnight. Since young, mom told us that money are hard to earn, every penny have to use it wisely. Since a kid, i don’t have fancy Barbie doll but i have enough food, enough cloth and enough necessities for living. Do i consider myself blessed? Of course i consider myself blessed but men are never satisfied.

Sometimes i looked back my past i ask God, why everything that i want, i have to earn it myself? Why everything that i wish for have to beg You so long before i get it? Why i don’t get to ask for more when i don’t have enough from my parents or boyfriend? Why people have less commitment? Why people ask for a car and will get a car? As for me, i ask for a pc only.... i have to wait several years to earn for it.

Most of the times, after got envy with friends around me, i calm myself to think. Why complain when i have enough? Why want more when you don’t need it? I kept myself silent and being reminded in the book of James 1 and reminded that blessed are the poor for they shall see God. Poor people goes through much struggle, trials and difficulties that help them to rely on God more, draw strength from Him and find peace in His presence. Not to offend rich people but the word of God says, indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

Lord, give me what is enough that i will not steal or rob to sin against you. But not too much that i might forget your grace and mercy. Amen

p/s: For those can ask and get it without much earning, count your blessing because not everyone have that blessing.

**Thought**

3rd month

It's the third month now… Can't believe that it's been three months. And in less than a week, he will be here. So excited…

Nothing much recently, except busy with the preparation of the coming Synod meeting that will held on 31st August. I can only pray to God that mistake made lesser, wisdom added by Him more day by day.

Excited because less than one week. May the week they are here, time will pass slower and we can have quality time together.

**3 months**

The rest day

I have a wonderful break yesterday. I manage to do something creative. Something that I never do and something that is not related to work. Hahaha… I manage to play with the clay. I always wanted to do something creative just to refresh myself from work and to rebuild again the strength. Release stress is also one of the reason and to find the moral of the story when I try new things.

Well, I manage to make a ladybird and a mushroom. Although the ladybird eyes are one big and small but still, it is a ladybird ok… not shit. I know, I know it look ugly but don't worry, the ladybird is my first creation. You can see that I improve fast when I made the second one, the mushroom. Always left some space to improve.

The moral of the whole creation thing; Wow… God is creative and he made everyone special. Luckily I am not the one that has the responsibility to create things and make things alive. Can you imagine if I create something?

God is always good, always creative, always loving and He will still love you no matter how extraordinary you are. Maybe from the one big and small eyes ladybird, God will remind me something else one day. We will never know…. But for sure, there is lesson we all should learn and willing to learn everyday.

I will still love my ugly ladybird although it's ugly but because I made it, I will love it. Imagine how much more God's love for us?

p/s: Next break, butterfly maybe… Hahaha…

**A fresh break**

Helpless….

One fine afternoon, Grace phone rang….

G: Hello
Me: Can you tell me things will be ok?
G: Ok! Everything will be ok.
Me: Why it doesn't sound convincing?

When you need someone to tell you things will be ok because you wish to hear that everything will be ok but when you heard it, it doesn't sound that things will be ok. Not that the way she said is not convincing but my heart are not convinced

It’s my problem or my heart problem?
All I want to hear and wish is that things will be ok… But when I get what I want, how come I am not smiling and feeling what I suppose to feel whereby the feeling of helpless will occur.…

Please… Please Lord… Please tell me things will be ok!

**Helpless….**

Dance is an art

It is always a joy when I able to dance in front of my Lord. Every time I am on the stage, there will only one motive, one heart and one focus that to make my Lord pleased with what I am doing.

To fill His heart with joy and to visualize that He is looking at me with a smile, my heart melt like someone that I long for and deeply in love is happy. Most of the time, I failed to make Him smile. I can only confess and said I'm sorry because I am weak. But when I dance for Him, my heart will goes to His and my focus is to show Him and to express myself what words and music are not enough to explain how I feel. Body language can talk and it show how we feel. I believe that dance do speaks and dance is like a picture with a million words. When you have no word but only emotions that is the time when you feel like dancing. I feel like moving my feet just to show Him how much I feel when I am really feel happy and I feel like moving my hand to let Him know much my sad is when I am really in pain.

Some people believe that words are limited. Words cannot really express what we really want to share but music, dance and art can talk behalf of us.

**Dance is one kind of art too**

The journey of life

Some people said, life is like a book
Some will believe life is a journey
Different books have its own story
Different journey of life have its own tale
Don’t judge a book by its cover
Don’t judge human by its appearance
No one can fully understand every chapter of your life
No one can completely recognize the path that you face
Some will comment that it's an easy path
Some will cry and believe that its a painful path
But no one knows how pain is your heart
Neither how cheerful you feel
No one knows how grateful you feel when you truly feel
Only God understand is always the comfort we carry
Only God knows every pain and laughter we walked through
For every road, God never leave us
He watched us walk slowly and closely
We run for Him when we are passionate
Felt down and cry when we are broken
Dancing on the road side when we have the happiest moment
Different journey, different breakthrough
Who we are to compare whose path is harder or simpler
Who we are to judge and comment what bring us joy and pain?
God grace sufficient for every single one, every single day
With joy, I willing to walk in the darkness with Him
Rather than in the light without Him

**Journey of Life**

Need a break

It’s been two months now. My table started to filled up with files, paper, documents and something that I have no idea with what is that. Since my boss is back, I've not been really sit down and have a relax job. I like to just sit in from of my laptop with my feet up on the chair crossed with a soft songs playing and with a good cooling environment that won't make me sneezing the whole day. It is just nice with a cup of white coffee in front and I work on the things slowly and comfortably. These two weeks, can't even enjoy that for one day.

Trying to make myself comfortable then I've been called in for meeting or else I need to go out to collect rental or banks. Else I'll be rushing for some letters or report.

Now, I really understand why some of us long for the Tuesday break so much. I can't wait to have mine on this coming Tuesday off. I really need a break badly. Just to recharge myself so that I can again have a refresh next two weeks. A day off just for the sake of doing something that I like and my mind off works for awhile. I should start to plan my Tuesday off soon so that I can used that day fully. May God be my strength and wisdom.

**Need a break**

Frustrated week

So, other than meetings to attend and load with works I experience why Sabahan hate to go back to their own place and yet they still have to go back sometimes because that's where they belong. What I experience is about almost a week my apartment run out of water. Totally run out of water. If you know me, I hate it so much when there is no water supply. I rather no electricity but there is still water supply. I will have the whole sense of things are not clean enough when there is no water provided.

For almost the whole week waiting for be water and in the mood of frustration. I get very frustrated when no water but Thank God I guess after yesterday, things get back to normal. Hope that it will continue to be normal. Or else, I'll be all frustrated again. Learning to calm down the frustration, it's a good lesson…

**Frustrated week**

04.07.08

A random chat as usual…

Me: So how is you gf? Well from chicken pox? Got scar?
CL: Ya… fully recover already but still recovering from the pox pox
Me: So cham o… I actually wish to have chicken pox too but with danny beside me … please
CL: Wa… you want to suffer to have your bf beside you meh?
Me: Of course ma… then can let can let him worry me a bit… then nervous a bit… then sayang me more and care me more. Feel loved also… hahahah
CL: Hahahah… can feel you really really X100 miss him wor
Me: Hahaha…. Little bit like that la

## Take a short break from working, have a thought about the chat for awhile.

Hmm… I guess I really really miss him until I also didn't notice that I miss him so much that my words tell and people around me can feel it. God, I really miss him….I think this is the first time i miss someone this much.

Counting day by day and prayed that when he is here, time will pass slower and we can at least have some quality time together.

**Miss you badly**

A long week

It's been a long day for me this few days. Big boss is back from the holy land so as his PA that came back from holiday. Other than meeting and prepare to meeting I am busy around with preparing meetings material and to get myself ready. So this week it's all about meeting. Indeed, a tiring and stressful week.

This weekend will be a working weekend for me. Saturday work half day in the office and will continue to work in my room for the sake of preparing myself the Sunday meeting. Sunday will spend my morning in both services and serve as a dancer that lead 8 people to dance together and in the afternoon, we will have ground breaking service in some where here that we need to travel 40 minutes to reach. Continue with a thanksgiving ceremony for our new staff quarters follow up with dinner that will be provided and meeting. That will be my weekend. The meeting will continue the next day and ends before lunch time. Wow… first time I gonna attend a long meeting like this. Well, I believe I will learn so many things throughout the whole meeting.

Other than long and tiring days, Sabah maxis have some problem. My mobile keep showing that no network to access and I can't call out neither can anyone call in. I can't call Danny and he can't call me. In my mind I thought, phone is the only way we can communicate that time because I don't have internet connection when I left the office and he also have problem with internet when there are chances to meet online. I type the sms but I can't send out. We tried to call each other until our mobile out of battery and yet we can't reach each other. Man… that really sucks.

I miss him…. Miss him badly… with the bad line connection thing it make both of us cherish each other more and to cherish every phone conversation that we have.

**A long week**

Baby Jennie

When i'm only a few months old + when i was 6 or 7 years old in the musical drama and i'm acting as Mary

When i'm in the age of 2 or 3...


When we are kids...
And when we've grown up...


When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
1 Corinthians 13:11

Inspirational

Human have to go through difficulties to find the real meaning of life. The same goes to me. I've been lost about the meaning of life in past few months. Don't think that every Christian knows the meaning of life. Christian is also human and human is weak and sinful that's why we need God badly. There is a moment when I kneel down before Him, I am speechless. With only one thought, what am I here for? Is it only to praise God, worship Him, follow the same routine of work every week and to try to achieve something which human will never able to achieve? This is all about life?

Walk in a journey that you've totally lost the meaning of life and focus is very scary. The road seems dark and silent and you have to sense of direction at all. You can only sit at the road side and cry that God will come to rescue you. It's like a sheep lost its shepherd.

But when I read what Rick Warren shared about his life, tears overflow my eyes and there I know I am back to my shepherd arms.

The strong arm that hold me tight and all my fears are away.
The big arm that cover me from strong wind and cold
The comfort arm that I can always lie down after a long walk of loneliness
The peaceful arm that reminds me how much He love me
The arm I can always cry at and find comfort

Enjoy Rick Warren words….

#Note: It's an interview a few years ago and now Kay Warren (Rick Warren wife's) had won the cancer battle and is now in healthy and well condition

Rick Warren (REMEMBER HE WROTE 'PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE')
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren,
Rick said: People ask me, What is the purpose of life?
And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.
God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.

God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, 'which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.
It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free. We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
God's Blessings on you today.
#

**Inspirational**

Endurance

Recently I heard there is a few couple that has difficulties. Everyone knows that two person from different point of view and taught up from different school will always have difficulties in trying to make things right and trying to convince each other in certain things. I know it's not easy.

Being together and maintain the relationship is never an easy task. From the point you fall in love with him/her and decided to choose to be with him/her no matter what happen, we all should know that no empty promises should be made and the journey will not be easy. Happiness will not come like fairy tales but effort, time and money will always need to spend in order to make things ok. Things will only be ok but not perfect.

It is sad to know that things didn't work out for certain couple although they try to work things out. As we all can read and see that percentages of divorce couple is getting higher and higher year after year and people change their partner like changing a piece of cloth. Why do old times couple will last whereby the generation for now will not last as we all prayed for eternity?

Is it because the word appreciates no longer in our own dictionary? Or because of making ourselves happy is always the priority? Taking each other for granted no longer an issue. The word endurance no longer a clear and strong word as each couple sees it.

At the end of the day, maybe we should sit back and think, is it worth to let go when you know you have not tried the best to make things work out? It is worth to let go when you have spend most of the time together and all things will be wasted? Is it worth to just step back and pretend that things will be alright? Is it worth after all the time, moments, feelings and effort that have paid?

**Love always trust, always hope and always perseverance**

New chapter begins

After a month and three weeks settling down, I started to get used to the lifestyle here. It’s different from my previous lifestyle so as my previous expectation. Never expect things will be this way but anyway, I am still learning. There are differences such as attitude that you need to carry, behavior that you need watch out, words that you used to speak, expression that you used to give, discipline that you need to pay, and the list continued.

With a new lifestyle, let's start with my new place.
This is where I stay. This building called staff quarters. Its new coz they've just finish built is a month ago. We moved in on the 26th of May 08. I am staying in the top floor on the right hand side.

This is where I will be alone, have my privacy and a personal relationship with God so as Danny.

I planned this place for devotion, bible and books reading but I am still waiting for the small table that they have no more stock. Well, I guess by the time they have stock, maybe I no longer want it coz I've already get used to using different place to do my bible and books reading.

This is the biggest toilet in the whole staff quarters apartment which is mine and Michelle washroom. We share one washroom together.

This is the living room

And kitchen

We have three rooms and two bathrooms in one apartment. I am staying with Michelle and Nicole. Each of us takes one room so that we have our own privacy and time to be alone.

Nice house? I think God is good... He provide us what we want. So, why worry? It's a new chapter.

**New start**

Hmmm

Browse through a few people's blog… found out that people is moving on with their life. Like it or not, we still have to move on although it's a happy day or a blue day. One of my close friends recently broke up with her boyfriend. It reminds me how hurt it was last time and I started to read back what I've go through last time. Every time I browse through the previous post, I will give thanks to God. God is really faithful. I again being reminded how He bought me through when I can no longer walk but He carried me through. I tried t encourage my friend as well, to take the courage to walk each day and to let time to take place for the healing process.

As I browse through some people blog, they put in some pictures to make it interesting. I'm reminded that I used to do that too last time. Sometimes, word just couldn't describe all our thought but a picture will do coz a picture can have a thousand word. It all depends on how you define things and how you want it to be is all in your mind. Well, I guess I should take out my camera again and to snap a few picture to make my blog interesting again. People used to tell me that they like to browse my blog coz it's interesting with the picture. Since only words left here, I guess not many people will drop by now.

Anyway, with picture or not, this is still the place where I will put on what I want to remember so that I'll be reminded that God is love, God is faithful and God is with me when I thought that He is not with me. Life is a journey, a long journey that I choose to travel together with my best friend, my king and my father. So, enjoy life…

**Hmmm***

It's been a month plus

Ya, it's been a month plus I'm here. Still surviving and learning many things in life. I'm lost when i first step into my work place. Wondering it this what You want me to do? Is this what I like? Is this what I've been waiting for? Going around confusing, doing things without my own stand.

Asking myself and God so many times, where am I and why I don't feel what I suppose to feel? Where are You when I am in Your house and yet You are not there. With this one month plus of struggle, waiting and silence walk, I get a puzzle each day for myself to join them together so that I able to see a bigger picture when the time is here. Puzzle by puzzle, by heart get comforted. Everyday I guessed what will be the picture be?

Things started to get busier day by day, my responsibilities started to get heavier. Not really happy or stress about it but I just do what I think I can do. Still worrying that I can't cope my work so as the position that I am taking but I promise God and myself, whatever I can, I will try my best, give my best to make things work.

It is still a foreign country for me. People here are still stranger for me. Slowly I am adapted to the lifestyle here, get myself to bed before midnight and struggle to wake up very morning before 7am. I know I am walking very slow compare to my standard speed but I rather walk slowly than to rush myself to the speed which will cause me tiredness in a short while. I remind myself not to walk too slowly as well that everyone will pass through me.

Life here is still weird for me. I guessed I will let time pass as I blend myself in. Please pray for me as you read this. It is not as tough as I thought and yet not as easy as I expected. May God's love and grace be sufficient for me as I draw closer to Him each day.

**One month**

Public Holiday

Last Saturday is a public holiday. Well, I get the opportunity to rest a lot and get very bored. I even planned to walk out alone just for shopping but didn't manage to due to the heavy rain. With no choice, I stick in my room, jumping around coz of overly bored and finally, I did this just to cure the sickness of jumping it around and shouting for no reason.


Nice? Hahaha… Doing this, end up eyes pain due to over use energy but at least, I have fun.

**Public Holiday**