I need new shoes

I seriously need to shop for some new shoes. New working shoes... Comfortable, nice, long lasting and cheap...Okla, not cheap la.. at least reasonable and worthwhile price.

Go online and search the type that i think i will look nice on it and here it is....



Hmm... Should go shopping. I miss shopping with some of my dear friends back in KL. We always have lots of fun shopping together. And i miss KL. I totally know where to get great shoes and reasonable shoes in KL. As in KK... hmm... i'm not so sure.

**I need shoes**

Last Saturday…

I have this mood to make an origami box… So, I tried it out;
This is the reference
Manage to get the box
And the cover
Tada…. Finish!
But low and behold, the cover is too big…HeheAfter two hour sleep, I try again and I did it. So happy….
** Yeah **

Reflect

Serving in youth ministry reflected a lot of my own youth time. When I was still in my teenager time, problem will always be friends cannot be trusted, to find a true friend is so hard, you thought she/he is a very good friend of yours but never know that they are the one that stab behind your back, boys and girls relationship, I was in love with this guy but he love another girl, or this girl is trying to seduce another guy, gossip is flying around, rumors about who and who is all over the place. Hahaha… when I reflect on it, I can only laugh at myself. Laugh because it was fun. To have all those memories, it builds me to who I am today. True friend is always hard to find, well….. No one can deny that. Some people would rather give up the chances of looking for one just because they fed up with their previous experience. It is just too heartbroken to again give your heart to someone that doesn’t know how to handle a fragile heart.

Nick Vujicic said that everyone craving for two things in their life that are longing for someone to love and someone to tell them everything will be ok. When I heard that, I totally agreed. Everyone desired someone to love them in return and hunger someone to tell them things will be ok when they themselves cannot convince themselves that it will be ok.

I guess things WILL be ok after all the “happening” in our teenager life. When you look back, it’s not that big deal after all and there are things you can laugh about because it’s part of your journey, it’s part of a growing period and one day, we all will be grateful of what God has in us because He always hold our future, always in control.

**Reflect**

Coffee break

Sometimes it’s just good to stick around having coffee break and read some blog and suft some stuff that I like although work still lots, paper still all around my table and files are getting higher and higher in my room. So, ya… I am having my coffee break, trying to find something that I like, something that can inspire me again and can motivate me to continue to move forward with joy and strength from Him.

Guess what I found, http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/ inspired and motivated.

And … tada…Muahahaha… look at it already make me so happy. I like stuff that looks bigger than normal size. If only I can get a giant chocolate, then I will be the happiest lady in town.

Pictures that we took together while he is here…


Till then... Miss him much...

** End of Coffee Break – back to work **

Willing…

These few days, I came across with this word willing. Is a willing heart matters a lot? To get the things done is more important or to have a willing heart to get the things done more important?

If everyone waits for a willing person to get things done, then how the work will be done? But if you are doing it with unwilling heart, you will suffer but the things are still done. Which is more important?

God gave us free will choice but in this world and society, seems like not much free will choice you can practice. Willing or not willing, sometimes we have no choice. I wonder when willingness need to come in?

When you have love, you will be willing… but when you are not willing, does that mean you have no love anymore? Hmm… I really wish to know.

** Willing? **

God is in control

Recently, as I browse through a friend's blog, it tenderly reminds me that after all, God is in control.

Don’t know when it started that I used to control what I could possibly control. I want things to go my way instead of His way. I take control of my work because I am the only one that has to bear responsible on my work if there is any mistake. I take control of my own lifestyle and health because I choose what to wear, what to eat and when to sleep.

With such a routine, I have slowly forgotten that there are many things out of my control. I could not control certain things. I could not control someone to be happy together with me. I could not control what people thought about me. I could not control someone to share the same sadness with me and thus, it caused me to fall. With this fall, again I am being reminded that after all, God is in control. I can love, but can never force someone love me in return. I can give, but can never force someone to sacrifice the same amount. I can walk but can never drag someone that not willing to walk with me. After all, God is in control, God gives everyone free will choice to choose the way they react, the live and their path.

** Let go, let God because God is in control **

Only God knows….

Most of the time, we will tend to advice too fast; give solution to fast and to say our own perspective too fast. Sometimes, someone only want a listening ear because we all grown up and go through journey of life in every different ways, experience different thing. But to find only listening ears is also this hard. Why?

Different people give different encouragement. I truly appreciate the encouragement and the effort of trying … But most of the time, I only want a pair of ears to hear my struggle, my foolishness, and my tears and yet, it's hard to find. No wonder most adults choose to keep everything themselves. They tried before to share but it become even bitter.

** Only God knows... **

Yesterday

Yesterday I have a lazy morning
Yesterday I had lunch with the Education Board Member
Yesterday I finally meet with Datuk Mary
Yesterday I was called to a wrong meeting and I stay the whole meeting
Yesterday I ate the most salty maggi because I mistakenly throw most of the soup away
Yesterday I have fun in cell group
Yesterday I experience a feeling that I never wanted to feel back
Yesterday I sleep with a heavy heart

** My yesterday **

What's the point?

Why do people want to know what happen and why certain things happen and when someone else explain, they seems not believe it and put someone else's reason into an excuses category? I really don't understand.

When it is sure that it is the explanation, certain people will still look at it as an excuse. Then what's the point that you ask and yet not listening? Weird believe…. Really weird…

Sometimes, we just cannot blame why people choose to be quiet than explaining because explain or not, the result will also be the same. What's the point?

** Really don't understand **

An unhappy morning

I wake up with a heavy heart
Looking out for a reason
Why my heart is down?
Why I am feeling such a way?
I come before Him
Bringing my emotion
Asking Him to take it away
Why I feel such an emotion?
What is wrong?
I am still asking
Still searching
Still waiting

A down morning

Realization….

No 1 #
Drink one liter bottle of plain water every morning before you brush your teeth will really give good health and pretty skin

No 2 #
Emotion is the bridge to your belief
Which means that what you feel is based on the fact that you believe.

Fact 3 #
I feel that I have gain weight when I am back to hometown during Chinese New Year but most of the people said that I have slim down

Interesting?

God is good…

It is such a great joy when you work and you felt bored of it and a friend of yours got you coffee bean's coffee that right straight at your door steps. I feel so blessed with someone delivering great stuff like this to me when I am screaming for something different out of the routine work.So here it is… Yeah babe… Ice blended coffee stuff…

**I am blessed**

When it only left scar

In certain path of life, you will look back and give thanks. Sometimes, you will stare at the scar and thought back a lot of things that had happen. When it only left scar, it means that it's been quite some time. You touch it, you won't feel pain anymore.

But when I'm being reminded of how the incident happened, I started to feel the same pain. When I see the same sign and reaction, I started to cry it out to God. A level of faith is being tested; a level of trust is a doubt. Where is my faith, I asked? Where is my trust? And yet, I stood quietly.

Many times I stood quietly in front of Him. Without a word, He knows how I felt. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I only wish He is here, just to be with Him to remind myself that He is always faithful, always loving. If one day, He tells me that He can remove my scar too, I will be glad to let Him do so. I pray that without this scar, I won't be as terrify as I used to be.

We all know that happiness is a choice. Sometimes when you have decided to be happy today it doesn't mean that you will end up happy also. Although you try so hard to lift yourself up again, but in certain times, we need more than ourselves to lift us up.

**When it only left scar**

Tears

My best friend once told me that tears is a gift from God. God give us tears to express the feeling we have. Positive or negative thought, both can produce tears.

I have ones lost tears for certain period. No matter how sad am I, tears just seem can't to shed out. Not even one drop. As for now, tears seem like a little bit too much for me. I try to stop it from dropping down my cheek but it end up, even worst.

I do believe that tears are a gift from God because when you only have feelings and not a word, there is where tears will express the word.

Lord, count my tears because only you know my path, you know my pain.

**Tears**

When you can't breath

In any organization or company that you worked in, people expectation is something that you can never run away with because we all have expectation on certain things. Some expectation will be higher… some will slightly lower just for the sake of don't wish to get disappointed feeling deeper.

Sometimes, we didn't even realize that our expectation for certain people are getting higher and higher until they cannot breathe. Today I have the opportunity to experience it again that when you walk out from a room, you felt difficult to breathe just because of certain people expectation on you is so high that you can't say a word or should I say, you don't even know what to say.

I guess I should learn to expect nothing from anyone. After all, we are only human. Everyone have their own reasons, have their own difficulties…. Why push someone into the pool of high expectation when they don't even know how to swim?

**High expectation kill soul slowly**

Let go, let God

Every early of the year, for sure that I will change the way my blog looks. This year, I would like to give brown a try. Recently, I am so in love with brown color. Still wondering why…

Though a bit late, mid of Feb is here but after the change, I just hope to have a refreshed look. i change the title as well from the previous one.

A preparation journey
*A journey that will mould me to prepare to be a faithful follower, a humble servant, a passionate lover, a supportive wife, a godly mother and a better person*

I think that my path will always be a preparation journey.

I have changed it to let go, let God. A very simple four word, let go, let God but I wonder, how far I could score if I want to put it into a test? For certain people letting go is like a piece of cake. As for me, I think I will need to take years to learn. I cannot deny that I am the kind that will hold on to someone overly tight, something too seriously. Maybe this new year, new chapter, God will lead me to see things differently when I learn to slowly loosen what I am holding on for ages.

This is it, new start, new year, new title, new path…

** Let go, let God**

The dark sky

Sitting in the airport, watching the dark sky. Only have the thought that my feelings is the same with the weather. I guess this feeling that will appear every time I'm in the airport, heavy dark weather that about to rain. Going back to a place which i called it lonely land. Though not literally.... Never expect that this time leaving them is this heavy for me. All of the sudden, i wish i could stay. I guess that's my only wish right now.

**Heavy feeling**

Happy New Year!

Although a bit late but still... Happy New Year...

Yeah... Another new year.

~ Happy and Blessed new year~

Merry Christmas

Wish everyone have a beautiful and meaningful Christmas!

I've been a blogger for 3 years

As I was trying to search back the previous post that I posted about the new phone which is the phone I am using now but it was new last time. I was trying to count how many years has this phone accompany me and I kept searching for that post and yet I didn't get it. In the midst of searching, I realize that I've been a blogger since January 2006 and from there onward, I started to write what I've been through every season of my life. The main purpose for me to start a blog is actually to drop down what I've been through and for myself to see how God has lead me through from a chapter of life to another chapter.

The previous name for my blog is Jannie's Space. Later on, I changed it to A Preparation Journey. In Jannie's Space, I still remembered that my blog is brown in color. But I didn't use this title for long. After a heart broken incident, I started to think for a change. Well, when you no longer want to remember your past, you will try to change a lot of things. I still remembered that I changed my hairstyle, my blogspot title, most of my clothing, my watch, and my lifestyle. I thought about delete the whole blog and create a new one but no matter how I would like to forget my past, I know that I will not able to make it because my past will always remain my history because it is in me, it is with me and it is what I've been through. So, some people asked me, why do you still keep your blog after you have a broken heart? I will only smile and answered, because this leads me to become who I am today.

Later on, I change my title to a preparation journey because I believe that the journey that I am walking now is a preparation journey. That's why I put the description as a journey that will mould me to prepare to be a faithful follower, a humble servant, a passionate lover, a supportive wife, a godly mother and a better person. With this title, I change from brown to blue and from blue color to now orange. Next year, I was thinking to change the color again. With changing colors, it shows that it's another new year, another new chapter of life again.

Previously, many people will drop by my blog to read. I guess when there is something interesting happen in your life, people will want to know more. Later on, people that drop by my blog is lesser.

My best friend said that, "I bet you won't write long" but low and behold, I became a blogger for 3 years and will continue in the coming 2009. I see people blog, I thought they will be a faithful blogger too, well… I guess you can't judge a book by its cover after all.

p/s: With browsing through the past post will always motivate myself to take more photo and make my blog interesting again. Can do it or not, it's another story.

** Blogger for 3 years**