I apologize

Sometimes, there is no word that can express what I wanted to said or how I feel in certain things. In this space of mine, I would like to apologize to some of my dear beloved friends that without any intention, I have hurt their feelings. I know they care and love me a lot but I am really sorry for what I have did. I have no other word but the word, I’m sorry and I truly mean it. I’m sorry for I’ve did. I promise that I will not do such a thing again. I feel really bad until it give me sleepless night. I wish I could do something to make things better between us and I will do something to make it better.

**I’m Sorry**

Praise Him

Today is Palm Sunday. Five more days, it will be Good Friday. It’s another year for us to remember that Christ suffered on the cross and die for everyone include me. In this magnificent day, I would like to use this day to praise unto God for all He has done for me in my life. For He is always worthy to be praise and worthy to be lifted up.

 ~Praise You for You are kings of kings
 ~Praise You for You are Lords of Lords
 ~Praise You with songs and hymns
 ~Praise You for You created heaven and earth
 ~Praise You for You are strong and mighty
 ~Praise You for Your mercy and grace
 ~Praise You for Your wonderful love
 ~Praise You for You are prince of peace
 ~Praise You for Your sacrifice
 ~Praise You for loving and accepting me as who am I
 ~Praise You that you are faithful
 ~Praise You for you are everlasting kind
 ~Praise You for the joy you have for me
 ~Praise You when I still have breath to praise Your name

I am who I am because of the day you die for me. There is no other word than the word thank you and no other friend can sacrifice His life for me. I love You!!!

**Praise Him for He is worthy**

Still...

After the previous title of my blog, “Am I ok?” I am still speechless… still have no ideas what have happen to me. So, I have no idea what to drop down here. I can only pray that tomorrow will be better than today, as I continue to endure and find my focus and direction back.

My heart is in pain, but not even one drop of tears can shed out from my eyes. Try to find a sad movie to watch in order for me to cry my heart out but I end up feeling nothing. I decided to watch comedy then, well… couldn’t really laugh out as well. Hmm…wondering, do I still have feeling? Can I still feel things around me? Where is my emotion? Where is Jenny Liau?

** May God be with me.
** Tomorrow will be a better day.

**Still**

Am i still ok?

I have no idea. Everyday I wake up it’s like dragging a dead body walking around without direction, without purpose, without meaning… Am I still ok?

Every songs that I listened, seems doesn’t pleased to my ears. Every thing that I do seems never going to end. Things are still the way they are and I am still standing on the spot where I am standing. Am I still ok?

Out of the blue, I will have difficulties in breathing. It’s like a big stone pressing on my lungs that I can’t breathe well and I have to take a big breath in order for me to take another breathe. Am I still ok?

All of a sudden, tears will drop down from my cheek; my emotion will control the nights and tears will lead me to my rest. Am I still ok?

Laughter and smiling face are with me, but my heart is in pain and in confuse. What do I want? What do You want? Where am I heading? Could I just go? Am I alone? Am I thinking too much? What have gone into me? Am I still ok?

Thousands and thousands questions pondering around my heart… I wish to stop this feeling, stop these questions, stop this sadness… but I just couldn’t find my secure, couldn’t find my answer, and couldn’t find my peace and direction. Am I still ok?

I am so lost… so confuse… so heavy… so breathless… so clueless… so unhappy. Please bear with me if you are around me. I need support and encouragement.

**Clueless**

Blue Day...

Already two days I came back from Sabah… Terrible feeling, awful mood. I don’t feel like working, don’t feel like laughing, don’t feel like doing anything else. I only wish that I can stop this feeling and pray that God will take this away from me.

It’s torturing…. I don’t know why, and it’s suffering. I miss my family, I miss my parents, my little brother, my aunt, my home and I miss Grace, Ah Boy, Vui Vui, Shirley, Fui Ping, and others old friends that used to grew up together with me. I miss them badly. Only two weeks, but there are big changes that I have to get used to. One of my colleague no longer works together with me. I miss her…. We used to be very good friend. We came to work together, off together, went out for lunch together, laugh for nonsense, and share each other works. But now, only left me, alone.

Going back to an empty house, the lights are not on and this doesn’t help my mood to be any better. My dear housemate went to Kelantan for working purpose and leaving me alone with my sister only is even worst. Thank God I still have my sister with me. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t really like changes in my life. If can, I would like to keep everything the same and pray that it will never change. But I have no choices but to face changes in life in order for me to grow. This is painful.

Coming back to reality, get myself back to the rat race… Back to packed schedule and busy lifestyle. I hate this kind of feeling. Anyway, I know that tomorrow will be better because each day, I learn to get used to my surrounding in order for me to keep surviving. Learning to be a joyful and a better person each day, to love and treasure everything.

I thought going back to my hometown is for one purpose but I never thought that God want me to settle something else first. That is to settled my past.

Sandakan is the place I grown up. St Michael Church is where I belong, also a place where we meet each other. From stranger, we get to know each other and we further down our relationship. Going back to my church allow many memories came back to me because that is the place our love was built and that should be the place I settle my emotion and my past. Stepping every place that we used to go, walk by streets of memories…. Only left a smile in my heart to thank God for what I’ve been through. The past no longer haunted me, for I am free because Christ dies for me.


**Settled**

Simple or complicated?

Yesterday, I have to wake up at 6 am to get myself prepared to church. Man, it’s really early. It’s been 4 years plus that I have not pushed myself to wake up so early to school or church. This is really self discipline.

Around 7.05 am, I reached church. The weather was cool and windy. It’s going to rain soon as you can see in the photo. Stepped into the church, look at the clock, 7.15 am and the church bell rang. Most of the people are half awake, half asleep because it’s really early. However, it is always a privilege to be in the house of God and the first song is sang title, “We bring the sacrifice of praise”.

The order of the service are like the normal sermon that I usual attended, hymns are sang, sermon is preached and holy communion is served to remember that Christ die for us.

After service, like what we normally do last time after every week service, we prepare ourselves to take breakfast in an old place with some old friend, eat some old menu noodle. At night, dinner is served, with the secret recipe of my dear friend. This wonderful dish called, black pearl whereby the other dish is just a simple ‘century egg dumpling (pi dan gau)’ which is quite popular in Sandakan. We have a fantastic time together. As you can see from the picture, they are actually making it so that dinner can be served while I couldn’t help them because I have a bigger calling to do that is to make new ribbon for my church dancers. My friends are considerate because they understand and help me along.

Life in Sandakan is simple, easy and people around us are kind hearted without much bad intention. “Staying here for the rest of your life is not a bad choice after all”, an idea suddenly came out from no where. Maybe different people will have different requirement. Some would like a challenging life so that they can keep on improving themselves, some would like a peaceful and calm life so that they can enjoy the meaning of life, some would like to gain more experiences to be more professional in certain field, some would only want to be with their parents and work a normal job with the same routine for the rest of their life.

These kinds of situations make me think about, what I want for my life? Do I want a continuous stressful and filled with competitor’s life to force myself to improve in the society? Or I would like an uncomplicated life where house and car are provided with an easy job that earn reasonable amount of salary? There are always good and bad in very area and in everything that you see. After all, it depends on what I want my life to be because God gives us choices. After all these thought, again I surrender myself to God. For not what I want but what He wants. Not my will but His be done. Yes, I do have choices, so I choose to follow Him.

**Surrender my all again**

Family time, family day

I’ve been given the privileged to come back to my hometown for Chinese New Year celebration, rest, and to have some time to spend with my family and friends here. For your information, my hometown is in a beautiful state name Sabah, in a big town name Sandakan. Sandakan is a place where most of the people will say that is peaceful and calm town. Employees start to work at 8am and end their work at 5pm. Some company will have lunch time for 2 hours. People will sleep at 9 or 10pm and most of the café will close at 10.30pm. So, do you agree with me that this is a calm and peaceful place? Parents will sleep early and wake up early for jogging and exercises.

Meanwhile in my house here is even calm and peaceful. My mom and dad sleep around 9.30pm, my house television only have TV1, TV2 and TV3, my brother is studying upper 6 now and my home PC is out of service so it’s in PC’s hospital for treatment now. Thank God that Grace, my best friend is kind enough to borrow me her laptop so that I still manage to connect with the world today.

Nonetheless, we do spend some family time together. One fine morning, the whole family went out for an early morning breakfast. I’ve been morning called on 7am to prepare for the morning breakfast that planned on 9am. This is torturing….

We went out for a tasty breakfast together with one of my aunt friend that came from KK. After the breakfast, the whole family went to visit the new market that located in Harbour square. This is a brand new and beautiful market. Harbour square is a new place which most of Sandakan people will be proud with and where we can see the sea and feel the sea wind. Hihihihihi….

Around noon time, we all went to complex Sibuga for a walk and jogging together with my Dad friend. We have some family time in this place as well. It considered a good place to jog and relax because it’s surrounded with green leaves and trees. It’s refreshing… the air is good, the place is clean and surrounded with birds.

Wonderful time with my friends and family back in hometown where I can only enjoy one’s a year. I’ll be going back to KL in two more days. For sure, I’ll miss them. Miss my family and my old friends here. After going back to KL, life will again become a routine where busy schedule reveal again on my table. Hmm….life still goes on. May God be with me.

**Rest and relax**

Willing?

On 20th of February, an old friend of mine has his wedding in my beautiful hometown church. Believe me, my hometown church is really pretty because it’s an old church first of all, and this church filled with memories. This is where I grew up; this is where I belong, where I meet God, where I meet most of my good friends and a place where I found things that I’ve lost. Coming back my mother church is always something excited, happy and feels like family.

This old friend of mine has his wedding in this beautiful church. The ceremony was simple and attractive. During the wedding, it reminds me about willingness. After they get married, they will have to travel to an island name Solomon Island and worked there. All these while, my friend has been working there and his purpose for coming back this time is to bring along his partner to work together with him over there.

As I tried to wear the wife shoes and stands on her point of view to think, this is something that need a big commitment, big courage and big responsibility. Throwing everything just to follow someone that he love to somewhere that she have no idea can survive or not, somewhere that she need a big courage to face, a place where might not suitable for her and a place that is totally not familiar to her. Family and friends are all around her most of the time before she is married but now she have to let go of all these and start a brand new journey with her husband, to live together in a strangers place. This is really a big challenge.

When this situation reflect back to me, a question pop up from my mind, do I willing to pay such a cost to someone that mean a lot to me? Or do I willing to let go of my all when there is time for me to let go? It again reminds me of willingness. If I have willingness, if I really love Him, I would go no matter where, I would do no matter what because I know He love me, I am not alone for He is with me. Willingness…. a big lesson and this is what everyone should have when come to certain situation. Not an easy lesson for it takes a big cost.

Lord, teach me to be willing and give me a willing spirit.

**Willingness come from inside**

Can girl and boy become best friend forever?

From the above topic, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend and keep their friendship forever without further down into another level?

A few days ago, I have this topic in mind so I take it out as a conversation with some friend of mine. He strongly agrees that guy and gal will not be best friend only. Some day, they will fall in love with each other and end up become couple. Some of my friend also said that, your best friend is your spouse. So, that actually concludes the whole topic of the above question.

Last time when I was in a relationship, I agree with different gender will never becomes best friend only but now, my stand is no longer that strong but a little bit doubt here and there. After trails and difficulties, your perspective on certain things will change. Why two different genders cannot become best friends? I personally have a few boys’ friends that consider close to me and we share everything.

Some people will agree that, if you broke up in your past relationship, and both of you become friends again and he or she might able to be your best friend forever only with the condition that one of them is attached with someone else. Two single persons will not become best friend. Do this statement valid?

Some people will said that maybe girls will be ok with it having a male friend as their best friend because most of the girls have motherly love and unconditional love to give and share with people around them. But as for guys….they will not invest something that is not his thing or no benefit at all. Is that true in guys’ point of view? Ones a guy treat you more than normal friend, it mean something more than friend and they expect something more than friend. How true is that statement?

Honestly, my point of view is nothing is impossible and nothing is certain. Like one of my friends said that, she will not choose her best friend to be her boyfriend. I asked her, why? She answered me, I have no idea but it just seems weird. As for me, I don’t think it’s weird but I will said, I don’t choose my best friend to be my boyfriend because I cherish the friendship. I don’t hope that I myself am the one that cherish the friendship a lot and I am the one that ruin the friendship at last. Maybe some other will said that it depends on how you define the word “ best friend” and others will said that it depends on what you want and how you see things. Well, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend forever that share everything without further down? Maybe can, but a very thin line. Do drop your comment….

**Can or cannot**

Happy Valentines Day

Today is the most romantic day for the whole year. Couple will meet up and share their love and time together. Some of my friends willing to travel miles just to spend this day with their love one…. Awww… so romantic. I would like to take this opportunity to greet every couple, happy valentines day. May God bless every couple that they will continue be in romance and non-stop fall in love with each other. After so many years of being attach with someone, this year I’ll spend my valentines being single again. Hmm….. The feeling is still ok, consider good. I kinda enjoy today because I got accompany by some friends, received some sms and most important is, I can feel the love of my Lord again. Nothing is more precious than the love of God. I’m being reminded how much He love and care for me. While I’m still waiting for the other half of mine, I enjoy life and spend most of my time with my friends and family.

Another joyful thing that I wanted to share is the flowers. I received these flowers from two friends of mine. Thank you… so happy because I have flowers for this Valentines Day. Every girls will filled with joy when they received flowers from someone in this special day. Although they gave me the flowers on last Sunday not on the actual 14th February but I do feel cheerful.

Just now, when I was updating this blog, my darling came over to my place and bought me a Ferrero Rocher bouquet. It was a surprise and I’m touch. I am really happy and there are tears in my eyes because I never expect her to give me anything because each of us has a tight budget and her boyfriend is here some more which means that they will need to spend a lot in dinners and gifts. I’m touch and so happy. Thank you dear…. Love you so much too.

At that moment, I really thank God. Thank Him for giving me so many wonderful people around me to be with me and to walk with me. No matter where am I, God will provide someone to support and love me. God love me so much, my friends around me love me so much and I love them so much too. I am single but I know, I never alone. 

As for single, don’t feel stress because of Valentines Day but take this chances to flash back how beautiful life is. There are a lot of people who care for you as who you are. Nonetheless, take pleasure no matter where you are, no matter you have that special someone or not. Be glad and have faith for God will surely provide and bless us.

**Valentines special**

Silent journey

There is a time when our spiritual walk with God became quiet and calm. This past two weeks, I tried so hard to walk, to laugh, to smile and do what I suppose to do. Things still doesn’t seems right, doesn’t seems like what I’ve expected. A lot of people said that we should expect more… expect more from God. I do put my expectation on God as well, but most of the time, I don’t get what I expect and I’ll end up stand alone silently before God.

Everything, every word, has more than one point of view. After all, it depends on what we want, how we see things and how we think. Like what I mention in my previous title, I’ve been busy. Busy with ministry, busy with work, busy with friends and busy with my own stuff. Packed schedule, a lot of things I have to learn, a lot of things I have to figure it out and a lot of expectation from here and there. After all these busyness, I look back and ask myself, what do I gain? Do I gain appreciation? Do I gain experience? Do I gain benefits? Do I gain stronger? Or I only gain one word, which is exhausted? I put a lot of effort and time on things that I like, on things or people that matter a lot to me…. Now, I can only stand before God silently, speechlessly. Don’t know what I want, wondering what has got into me? Am I still ok? Am I doing too much? Am I caring too much? Am I still the one that God want me to become?

Struggle here and there; difficulties lay along the entire roadside. I stand in the middle of my journey, silently, without any word in my mind, with no expression in my face and wait upon my Lord.

(Do you find yourself in a "wilderness" experience, isolated from friends and family? If so, the Lord may want to teach you lessons of faith and endurance that you could never learn in a busy crowd. —Dennis Fisher
In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.
God is with you in your most barren wilderness.) * Today’s word in daily bread – speaks to me, speaks about me.

**Cry without tears**

I've been busy

It’s been 3 weeks plus that I’ve not update my blog. Maybe I’ve get use to it with updating my blog ones in two or three weeks. Nonetheless, tonight I have the opportunity to flash back what I’ve go through in this pass two or three weeks. Required myself to flash back what I’ve been through is really something tough because if you know me well, you will know that I have poor memory. I can forget stuff easily. If you come and asked me what I wear last Saturday to church service, I will need you to give me 3 minute to think what I’ve wear to church last Saturday. So, from that example, you can roughly know how serious that is. Most of my friend will said that I have short term memory lost and they will always remind me on stuff if they required me to help. By the time they remind me, they can actually work it out by themselves. But still, they love me as who am I. Besides that, I have to set reminder in my phone in order for me to remember important things. But slowly, I have to train up myself to remember things by my own and to learn to be independent. Wait…. I’m quite independent also. Just that I don’t like to be alone, so I will always required my friends to keep me companionship. Anyway, that’s a very brief about me and my little memory brain.

Ok, let’s go back to the origin topic. What I’ve been busy about? Let me think…..hmmm…. Basically it’s nothing much about my past two weeks. I've been busy for my routine daily work and ministry. We have one public holiday on the date of 20th February, Saturday. I’ve organize a small outing for my cell group so that we can spend more time to be together and get to know one another. With the agreement of everyone voting the place that they wish to go, we end up going to a famous garden in Kuala Lumpur called Perdana Lake. It considers a pretty park but nothing much we can do over there. Nonetheless, we took some photos….


* Will upload the photo later… (As promised)

Today is another public holiday… Well, about this…I shall update it later then.

**Busy life with no word to explain**

In love

A very common discussion yet it’s a difficult topic.

A good friend of mine came back from Penang last week to pack up the things that she left behind last time. She’s now in a relationship…..So happy for both of them because both of them are good friends of mine. The guy plan to give her a surprise shock by meeting with her in pudu bus station while the girl totally have no idea about it because they planned to meet up in Sunway bus stop. When the guy found her, he sms me and said he has found her and now he will bring her home.

Awww…..so sweet. Follow up with the girl sms me and said that she was so happy that he gave her a surprise shock by picking her up in the Pudu bus station. I reply them and said, both of them so romantic that they walk together, holding hands…. Under the hot sun and by the time they reach home, they’ve already become wet chicken.

After the whole conversation, I sit there myself and have a short thought for a while. Being in love is always sweet, always happy and always beautiful. Your surrounding will become beautiful. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, things just seem to be right, thing just seems to be perfect as it is.

As I continue to ponder around and started to dream my “dream man”. A man without face (because I have no idea who should be my life partner that’s why for this certain of time, he has no face until I find him, I’ll replace the face back to my fantasy world) to be with me, stand beside me when I need him, walk with me when I need accompany, hug me when I’m sad and love me and accept me as who am I. Being in love is always sweet and comfortable.

The more I thought about being in a relationship, the more I realize that I am not prepare to be in a relationship right now. I’ve read a blog from a friend of mine title ring. He bought a new ring for her girlfriend as well as himself. In his blog, he mention about commitment. Wherever he goes, the ring will be in his finger, whatever he does, the ring is there. You open the door, the ring is there, he washes dishes, and the ring is there. In different point of view, that is what commitment means. Like it or not, the “ring” will stick with you and whatever you do, you have to do it together with the “ring”.

Right now, in this period of time…a very clear answer from God in different situations that God show me that I am not prepare to be in a relationship. I think I am not ready to step into another relationship as well. I just enjoy being who am I in this New Year, focus doing things that I’ve been called to do and enjoy life while I’m still single and available.


** Not Prepared **

Happy New Year~

Happy new year everyone!!!~~~ Yeah.., it’s new year. I feel so excited and happy because it’s new year. New year, new year resolution ( which I haven’t work it out), new style of me (still that pretty…Hihihihihi. If you notice me, there is minor changes of me. Not pimples, ok dude?) , new shoes, new….what else new again ah? I think that’s it.

Yeah….Happy New Year !!!~~~

How you spend your new year? I spend first day with, woke up early morning to go for Dim Sum in SS 2 together with my family in Christ. After breakfast, we went to Salvation and I bought myself a WOW, The Big picture, the bible in 7 minutes a day and can’t wait to start a brand new day with my brand new bible and a brand new relationship with my most love. I also bought some other books for my sister and a friend of mine. I hope they like and will read it because both books are good books that will help them out in their spiritual walk with God.

Later on, we went to Puchong because a friend of mine would like to take his stuff from someone but we got lost. Ya….I know…. how nice, first day of 2007, we got ourselves lost in Puchong.

But it’s ok. Little bit hide and seek will not tear our excited spirit down. We continue our day with going to our boss house, and spent our days there.

At night, we went for dinner in KFC. After KFC, we went to pastor’s place to play a board game name, RISK. That was a fun one. I won the battle by completing my mission in “RISK”. So happy….So happy. I never thought I could win because before they teach me to play the game, they told me that it’s quite difficult and it requires your mind technique. As I thought myself, Oh No…I am not that really good in using my mind but lo and behold, I won. Hihihihihihi…. And I reach home around 2 am. Fun first day of 2007? I think so….

**New year**

The last day of 2006

Today is the last day of 2006. I am so excited for 2007. It’s gonna be excited and challenging. I think it will be tougher than 2006 but I am not afraid.

Looking back year 2006, flashing back all the memories of good and bad, there is only one word I can say that is Thank you. I thank God for His grace and mercy because His grace and mercy are new every morning. Thank God for his love. Thank you to all my fellow friends and family member that are with me most of the time to love and accept me as who I am in rainy, thunder, stormy or sunny days. Thank God for big bump and tunnel in my life to craft me as whom I am today.

Good or bad, time flies. Sweet or bitter, it’s already one year. I’ll miss 2006. I’ll look forward to 2007 as well.

In 2006, there are quite a few numbers of 2006 year resolutions that I achieve and I experience difference kinds of breakthrough. From a girl that don’t know much thing become a girl that long for God’s heart. A girl that hate to social much become a girl that comes back to her house just for a quick bath and rushing out again. A girl that fears water and fear of driving, turns to someone that wish to swim everyday and drive cars like mad dog in the highway. A girl that scared the most to lost her love one, become a girl that willing to surrender everything to God. A girl that don’t know how to care and love people around her become someone that love people around her and matter the most for her.

This year, really turn me upside down and turn me back again. When I read back my blog, I realize that God is always good. God is always with me…what else again matter when he is with me?

Goodbye 2006, you bring me many memories and Hello 2007~~~

Christmas is fun

On Christmas day, early morning I woke up and took a bath. Get myself prepared to church morning Christmas service, with my new hair clip, and an excited heart because it’s my most love birthday.

Reach church together with my friends, have a powerful prayer meeting and the service started. Everyone seems happy, everyone feels excited with their new cloths and a happy face.

Before the service ended, we went around shaking hands and greet everyone merry Christmas. Later on, I went around taking pictures because it’s Christmas.

We took our Christmas lunch in Jordon café. After the Christmas lunch, Grace and me went to Pyramid and grab some vegetables to prepare for the Christmas dinner. After everything done in Pyramid, we went to our boss house to get ready for the Christmas dinner.

* I would like to help, but I felt asleep. :P

Christmas dinner is prepared; dinner is now ready to serve. Everyone busy cuts the lamb, enjoying his or her meal that serve with red wine. Without much consideration, I drank a few cups of red wine that cause me little bit dizzy, little bit drunk, talk non-sense and laugh without any reason. It feels good and fun.

* Now I know why heart broken people like to get themselves drunk. Well, I like to get myself drunk too, but drunk in the love of God.

That’s my Christmas day but most important is that, Christmas reminds me how blessed am I, how beautiful this day can be, how great is God and I am not alone. I thought I’ll spend Christmas alone, have a lonely little Christmas all by myself and poor in heart but I was wrong… because there is Christmas, that’s why I won’t be alone.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. It’s Christmas day….a day that many people would celebrate it together and a day that many people will look forward too. I personally like Christmas so much. It reminds me how special am I and how wonderful God is. Without Jesus, we won’t have Christmas, without Christmas, I won’t be who I am now. Lord, your salvation is priceless…. Nothing can compare with it and it’s the best gift from You. Thank you Lord.

In this special day, it’s just nice to be with people that you love, to enjoy and spend this excitement day with them. It’s Christmas…. Merry Christmas!!!~~~~

The busy days

After a long wait, I have one hour to spend here. Life has been so busy lately. Let me see, after the last post regarding my stress going to the camp….

So, I went to the camp for one week. After the camp, came back with a busy schedule. From 3rd till 9th of Dec, I was in the camp. 10th came back from KK, our flight delay and we have to travel 2am, reached KL 5am. Some more have to wait until 6am in order for us to get a cab which won’t charge us double price. Reached Sunway, 7.15am and they have to prepare to practice for the worship, prepare for service while I slept in another room because of terrible headache that I never had in all of my life. That was really an awful headache. I think I had that bad headache because I didn’t rest much for the whole week. After 2 hour slept, I woke up and went to service. After service, get myself some rest at home. Monday, I went to Stephen Tong sermon, Tuesday, like normal Tuesday that is worship practice. After the practice, we had a small birthday celebration for my dancer/good friend. Happy birthday beloved…May God continue to love you and guide you through everything.

Wednesday I went to planet shaker conference and accompany a dear friend of mine for the reason that it’s his birthday. Happy birthday dear!!~~ May God keep you strong and handsome to love and serve him faithfully.

Thursday….where I spend my Thursday….Oh ya, I went to church to help out with them with their dance choreograph. This Thursday (14/12/06) it’s also another special day for a dear friend of mine… Blessed birthday dear…May God give you joyful life!!~~

*So, it means that I have 3 precious friend that celebrate their birth in continues day.

Friday, cell group…Saturday service, Sunday we had Christmas party. Wow, that was my last week. I am busy…. On 18th December (Monday), I planned to take that day for my blog, but because my emotion unstable, a friend of mine said he willing to come and keep me company.

*How kind is he…. So touch. :*)

So, we spend the night learning guitar and giving me stress. Tuesday, worship practice again and Wednesday, me and my darling have quality time together. We went out for a fine dining and have a fantastic conversation. Up to today, Thursday…I just came back from shopping mall where I company my housemate to shop things for her niece.

Wow, it’s not easy to drop everything things in my blog. Today’s title looks like an “ABC” soup. Everything was in it and I try to update what had happen in past two/three weeks.

Back to the camp….
These are the pictures of us in LCCT, preparing to KK!!~~


And while we were up in the sky.... God is marvelous.

When we reach there, we went to All Saint catheral service and follow up walking around KK.

The next day, we prepare to practice. Let me introduce you our team:

And while we practising, we have serious fun together...

During the camp, i wasn't allowed to take picture. So, i just got some picture when girls are having fun together in girls room.

The camp itself provide one night concert plus buffet.

After the camp, i have some time to took picture around and it's the last night of the camp.

Overall, we enjoy it a lot. It was an exhausted camp. Most of us have to get up so early around 6am but went to bed late around 1 or 2 am. This is truly a tired camp. Nonetheless, most of us enjoy and learn something throughout this trip. I personally learn how to be a servant instead of being served by other people. We really go there to serve. We pray for people, minister to them, help out in their games, trying to be a good example and lead worship. I learn to humble myself and serve like a servant. From this trip, I can imagine how my life will be if I choose the road that I want. It do question me, am I prepared? Am I ready? Well, I guess I have prepared and I’m ready.

Mixed Feeling

Yeah!!!~~~ Today is Wednesday. Means that my dear housemate will come home today. Can’t wait to see her later. She’s been away for one week and this whole week, I miss her a lot. Everyday when I reach home I will look for her, before sleep I’ll talk to her and when I wake up early morning, I’ll see her. When she went back to her hometown, I find it’s hard to get use to it without her because no one knocks at my door in the morning. The feeling of the past week, came back and went into an empty house without my housemate in it, it’s kind of weird. Wish to talk to her but she’s not there, make me miss her a lot. But today, she’ll be coming back from her hometown. A few more days later, then I will have to go to the Sabah Diocese camp, and it’s her turn to miss me. When I came back from the camp, she’ll be going back to her hometown again. Wow, it’s like an on off game here. No matter where we are, we know that we’ll miss each other so much and most important is that The Lord is with us.

Talks about the Sabah camp really cause me mixed feeling. I feel excited, happy, nervous, stress and all sort of weird feeling that I don’t know how to express. I feel excited because all these while, I love to join this camp… I love church camp. For sure, you will learn something that is priceless and build up a terrific fellowship with people around you. Meanwhile, stress and nervous feeling will occur because I’ll be singing as a vocalist in the worship session that lead by our team. This is actually my first time holding microphone and sings to lead people to worship God. I heard that the camp have 400 plus peoples who joined which means that there will be 800 plus ears hearing and 400 plus peoples worshipping together. Can you imagine, me holding mic, singing? I can’t imagine that.

** Ka Seng, now i totally understand your stress before you went to Labuan until throw out.

The main problem is not about 400 peoples or 800 ears but it’s about God. I don’t really care how many people listen to my singing but I care how God think when I sing. I feel afraid that I can’t give my best to Him while He deserves all my best and He deserves all the praise. I afraid that I am not good enough to offer what I have. Please pray for me…. Lord, please guide me and guide my heart. I have nothing, but I have a willing heart.

New hair style

I have new hair style. Yeah babe…. Some people said it look fresh, some people prefer the old hair style and some people need time to get used to my new look. Well, I like it too some how or rather because it’s really a fresh look, I look younger look more like a kid, and it’s a new image. I also like my old hair style just that now I have cut it short, so let’s focus in the positive side. Hihihihihihi….What do you prefer then? Let me know ya. Can’t wait for your comment!!!~~~