Everyday is special

It’s another year again that I gain my life experience, another year of maturity and another year of getting older. How do I feel today? Hmmm…. Basically, I don’t felt really excited about today. Maybe because of the blog that I read from a friend of mine. What he said is saddening but it’s true. In his perspective, he mention about what make birthday so special. No matter which day your birthday fall on, life still goes on, responsibilities are still around and work still carry on. The earth is still turning no matter there are people who celebrate it with you or not, no matter there are people who remembered this day or not.

After I finished reading his blog, I think about it myself. What he wrote is kind of true. No matter what, life still goes on. Happy or not, time will still tick, life will still die, and the progress of life still move on. But what I think it’s meaningful is that, he said, he don’t remembered ours birthday because he cherish every single time when we are together. This is meaningful…. We don’t have to wait for certain time to celebrate for certain thing or wait for any special day to cherish a person. In fact, we should cherish every time when we are together, enjoying the fellowship together and touch each other’s life. To encourage one another to move on with life and to be our brothers keeper.

Today 25th April, a day that I remind myself that there are a lot of people who love and cherish me as who I am. I am happy, I am glad… I didn’t expect a lot but just a short sms from my old friends, new friends and someone that I care to greet me, I am filled with joy because I know you remembered, I know you care and I know I have room in your heart.

A few years back, during my birthday. I did expect a lot and when I didn’t get what I expected, I broke down in tears and start to complain about my life. As for today, I am glad with what I have. I don’t really care that you greet me out of responsibilities, celebrate with me because if there is no celebration for me, you will feel guilty because everyone else has it or you greet me for the sake of greeting only. I don’t care for the sake of what but I am grateful and joyful because you did it for me. Thank you guys… The effort that you paid, I cherished and I am content. I appreciated every moment that I spend with my friends and I treasure every single of them. No matter they are just passing by my life or are in my life, I love every single of them and I enjoy being with them. I am glad that the Lord let me count my blessing as I name them one by one.

Finally, Happy Birthday Jenny Liau. :)

Yeah...I am a step closer to Heaven again. Can't wait to meet You face to face.

**25th April**

Time

Rev Doc Stephen Tong preached before about the topic, Time.

Time can be very scary because it recorded every little thing about you. It recorded your history, your memories, your life, your future, your past…your everything.

According to Rev Stephen Tong, time is a tough testifier. Time can test things that we wouldn’t know. Time can prove things that we cannot see. Time can heal, time can brings hurt and grief fade away. Time can be our faithful friend. It will stand as a witness to our good testimony. Time cannot be bought with money but time is an opportunity.

In my life recently, I need this time a lot. I need time to be healed; I need time in order to know my next step. I need time to prove, I need time be my evidence. I need time in order for me to be strong again. I need time.

Time can show me how faithful and good a person can be and also how evil and unfaithful another person can be. Time can show what is good and evil.

I’ve been waiting for someone, for something, for God and for myself. I can only pray that time will prove, time will heal and time will continue to be my best and faithful friend.

** I have been faithfully waiting**

The biggest enemy?

Some people will say that their biggest enemy is the devil. Some will said that is their boss, their wife, their competitor or someone that hurt them the most. As for me, I think that my biggest enemy is myself.

Why would I say that? It’s because I found out that the biggest enemy is in me. It’s myself. Many times in life, I’ve been battling with myself. Should I or should I not? Can or cannot? Good and bad, it’s up to how we analysis it, how we want it to be and how we define the word. I always believe that, if you want something to happen, it will always happen. If you don’t willing to make it happen, no matter how hard you try with unwilling heart, it will not happen as well. After all, it’s back to the topic willingness.

Like what my best friend told me, everything come from the heart and everything matter the most is in the heart. A person with good intention, no matter what he/she did, he will sow a good seed, and will reap a good fruit. If he/she have bad and evil motive, he/she will sow a bad seed and reap an evil fruit. Everything that we do, there is consequences that we have to bear. Sometimes, the rebellious inside of me will try to come out and try to control the conscious me, but with God’s grace, I am still won this battle.

In my life, I might not understand why are all these happen to me? I’ve been good, I do everything with good intention and yet things went the other way from what I’ve planned. I don’t understand but many people around me will said that one fine day, you will know it. I can only long to see that day and learn the lesson that I should learn.

Everything happened for a purpose, for a reason. Many people come and go in my life. No matter how long they stay in my heart, how seasonal it is, how fast they forgot me, I truly appreciate the time of being together with them. When the time or season has past, we might not remember how sweet it is when we are together. I truly love people around me. No matter it’s a season thing, permanent or temporarily. If I could make it forever, I will try my best to make it forever. But if I’ve tried my best and yet I couldn’t make it forever, I will let it go with a grateful heart for the time that we’ve spent together when you are with me.

Every struggle, there is a lesson. Every trials, there is a victory. Lord…not what I want, but what You want. My biggest enemy… myself, my mind. May you continue to guide me and tame me as soft as a rabbit but as strong as a lion.


**Jennieliau, my biggest enemy**

Breakthrough (30.03.07-Last day)

When the sunrise, I opened my eyes and its 8am. My stomach felt better compare to last night but there is still little bit not comfortable here and there. I thank God for being there for me and heal me when I need Him the most.

Again, I prepared myself to meet God and took my breakfast like yesterday. Continue my book with breakfast meal and enjoying myself in the cold weather. Follow on with walking around in the park as I’ve promised myself that I’ll enjoy God’s creation. I have difficulties in searching this park but at last, I found it. It’s not a beautiful park after all and it look nicer from the view above from my room. In Genting highlands, there is not much nature thing to see. So, the next trip that I wanted to be alone and have breakthrough in life, I have to choose Cameron Highlands instead. I didn’t post any picture of the garden here because I don’t think that is a pretty garden. After the garden thing, I went up to my room, pack my stuff and prepare to check out and go home.

My journey ended just like this. A lot of breakthrough for me. The biggest success that I experience from this trip is that, I able to be alone for two days without talking much to anyone but God. Trying to find back my inner world as well. I knew so well that to find back my inner world is not one or two days thing but this is the first step to refocus back my life on the things that should be my focus, and to find back the purpose of life in God’s eyes.

In these two days, I didn’t really talk to anyone. Most of the time, I have pen and notebook with me. Whatever I feel, I wrote it down and whatever I want, I wrote it down. I can see things clearer when I started to write things down and I get to know myself better. Travel alone is fun, provided the Lord is with me. Breakthrough in eating alone, shopping alone, making decision alone, finish the whole cheese cake alone, get sick and recover again alone. I know how to take care myself now.

How do I feel? I feel refreshed and little bit unhappy because I have to go back to Sunway. I miss the time of being alone. I feel being strengthened by God again to find back my direction and focus of life. I spare time to find what I want in life. I analysis my feeling and know what is my next step. I feel good…

**Enjoy for being alone**

Breakthrough (29.03.07-Second day)

I suppose to wake up at 7am to do my devotion and to take a walk outside to enjoy God’s creation. Unluckily, by the time I woke up, it’s already 8.30am. I took a quick clean up myself, comb my hair and prepare to meet God.

After meeting Him, I went down stairs for my free breakfast. The breakfast doesn’t taste good at all but I enjoy eating alone with a book on my hand. After breakfast, I went back to my room to continue with my book and drop down the things that I want.

Around afternoon about 12 pm, I decided to take a walk around Genting. In less than 2 hours, I realized that I’ve done with my walking. Outside were raining and I enjoy myself walking around indoor. After the walked, I started to get tired, so I decided to buy myself something. This is a breakthrough. I bought things on my own and decided on my own without any opinion from someone else. With a joyful heart, I bought some stuff for myself and some for my friends. I kinda enjoy shopping alone. Didn’t really felt lonely because The Lord is with me.

Watch showed 4pm, legs getting tired. Choose an expensive place to rest and relax that is Starbucks. I sat there and hang out for more than 2 and half hours. What I did there? I continue my book. Read book for two and half hours….Wow….this is really a breakthrough because normally I read one hour, I already started to feel sleepy. Another breakthrough is that, I finish a maple cheese cake and a large cup of caramel coffee all by myself. This is fattening but I enjoy it a lot. When I go back to Sunway, I really have to keep fit.

Half past 6, decided to go back to my room for the drama series that showed at 7pm, TV2. While I was on my way back, I told myself that I can actually sit in Starbucks for more than 4 hours. If not because of the drama series, I would have done that. Came back, taken shower, rest and enjoy my TV. About 8pm, my stomach started to feel pain and I’ve been going in and out of toilet for 4 times in less than 2 hours. I can say that the whole night, I lie down on my bed and pray that God will heal me because my stomach is really pain. I slept at 11.30pm because of the pain but this nap doesn’t last long. About 1am, I woke up and went into the wash room again for 2 times in less than half an hour. This show that, I went in and out for 6 times for the whole night. This is suffering…. The only thing that I can do is to pray for healing because it’s late at night and I’m alone. I have no idea where should I find medicine for my stomach. I prayed, and continue to sleep.

**End of second day’s breakthrough**

Breakthrough (28.03.07-First Day)

The clock showed 4.17pm. I asked myself, how do I feel? Going to a trip alone, taking bus alone…. Well, my feeling is ok. I manage to borrow an mp3 player from a dear friend of mine, (Thank you dear) so that my trip will be filled with music.


Ok…My journey started. Last night before I sleep, I have this conversation with Grace. I said that will it be nice if I meet my prince in this trip because that’s normally showed in movies when they went for a vacation alone. I hope that I can meet my prince too (Of course that is not my motive, I’m just joking with her.)

Honestly, I expect to meet him if it’s God permission. With a heart of expectation, expect that I’ll sit with a good looking guy but end up sitting with an uncle that are friendly enough to make friends with this Malay guy next to him when he mistakenly took the Malay guy seat. So, their conversation last for half an hour. As for me, I pray that God are with me throughout this trip and this trip will be a breakthrough for me to find back my focus and direction and to draw closer to Him.

Around 5.45pm, I’ve reached the hotel that I’ve booked. It’s a small room and I don’t really like this hotel because it’s not as pretty as I thought. Overall, I still can accept it. I took my dinner, rest and watch TV for awhile. At 8pm, I prepare myself to go for a show called “Fly”. It’s one of the promotions that come together with the room package. So, with an excited heart I walked myself to First world hotel and take my free ticket. Low and behold, they required my ID card where by I didn’t carry it along with me. Without any choices, I have to walk all the way back to my hotel and get that ID card again. Frustrated……

About the show, of course I expected that it would be a nice show. I assume it’s some sort of musical drama that came along with a story. But who knows, this show is not my cup of tea. At the beginning, it’s very interesting but the longer the show continue, the more confuse I got. It’s neither a musical drama nor a concert. It’s more like a circus (without animal) plus magic show plus artistic dance and jump here and there and flying here and there. I don’t understand the whole story and I kept on falling asleep in the show. Hmmmm….. Interesting ha….

**I can only have such an expression for that show

It’s my first time I went to a show alone. Anyway, this whole trip is about breakthrough in being alone so everything I did, I did it alone. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t like to be alone. But this is what I always have to learn. That is to be alone, draw closer to God and experience breakthrough of being alone in my life.

Actually, this whole package thing is for two persons. When I check in into this room, breakfast is included for two and the show is for two. So, I have extra ticket for the breakfast and the show seat. One person holding two tickets it’s kind of weird. Everyone come with someone but I come with no one and yet I took two persons seat. I told myself that, it’s ok… I come with God.
About the prince that I mention earlier on, I really meet someone. But not my prince….. I meet this guy name Alvin and he is a tourist guide. As you know me, direction has always been a problem for me. As usual, friends around me will call me a dumb sheep that have no sense of direction but I can say that I am better than someone else. So, I have the problem of getting back to First world hotel after I took my ID card because I tried a new way instead of the dark and dangerous way. So, I try to get myself clearer by looking at the sign board, he came over and asked me, am I searching for First world hotel direction? I said, ya…. So, he showed me the way. We get to know each other while we were walking together to First World hotel.

**Malaysia do have friendly people

Later on, he asked me, where are my friends? I told him that I came here alone. He was like…. Ok!!! That is very brave of you to travel alone here. He commented me. As I thought about it myself, I am really brave….

After the show, I walked around in First World Hotel. Went in into the casino, would like to play but I totally have no idea how these kind of games work, so I just walk one round, bought myself a strawberry stick, and I went back to my room for a shower and rest.

That’s my first day for today. I have a good rest. Not so cold but just nice.

**First day of being alone**

I apologize

Sometimes, there is no word that can express what I wanted to said or how I feel in certain things. In this space of mine, I would like to apologize to some of my dear beloved friends that without any intention, I have hurt their feelings. I know they care and love me a lot but I am really sorry for what I have did. I have no other word but the word, I’m sorry and I truly mean it. I’m sorry for I’ve did. I promise that I will not do such a thing again. I feel really bad until it give me sleepless night. I wish I could do something to make things better between us and I will do something to make it better.

**I’m Sorry**

Praise Him

Today is Palm Sunday. Five more days, it will be Good Friday. It’s another year for us to remember that Christ suffered on the cross and die for everyone include me. In this magnificent day, I would like to use this day to praise unto God for all He has done for me in my life. For He is always worthy to be praise and worthy to be lifted up.

 ~Praise You for You are kings of kings
 ~Praise You for You are Lords of Lords
 ~Praise You with songs and hymns
 ~Praise You for You created heaven and earth
 ~Praise You for You are strong and mighty
 ~Praise You for Your mercy and grace
 ~Praise You for Your wonderful love
 ~Praise You for You are prince of peace
 ~Praise You for Your sacrifice
 ~Praise You for loving and accepting me as who am I
 ~Praise You that you are faithful
 ~Praise You for you are everlasting kind
 ~Praise You for the joy you have for me
 ~Praise You when I still have breath to praise Your name

I am who I am because of the day you die for me. There is no other word than the word thank you and no other friend can sacrifice His life for me. I love You!!!

**Praise Him for He is worthy**

Still...

After the previous title of my blog, “Am I ok?” I am still speechless… still have no ideas what have happen to me. So, I have no idea what to drop down here. I can only pray that tomorrow will be better than today, as I continue to endure and find my focus and direction back.

My heart is in pain, but not even one drop of tears can shed out from my eyes. Try to find a sad movie to watch in order for me to cry my heart out but I end up feeling nothing. I decided to watch comedy then, well… couldn’t really laugh out as well. Hmm…wondering, do I still have feeling? Can I still feel things around me? Where is my emotion? Where is Jenny Liau?

** May God be with me.
** Tomorrow will be a better day.

**Still**

Am i still ok?

I have no idea. Everyday I wake up it’s like dragging a dead body walking around without direction, without purpose, without meaning… Am I still ok?

Every songs that I listened, seems doesn’t pleased to my ears. Every thing that I do seems never going to end. Things are still the way they are and I am still standing on the spot where I am standing. Am I still ok?

Out of the blue, I will have difficulties in breathing. It’s like a big stone pressing on my lungs that I can’t breathe well and I have to take a big breath in order for me to take another breathe. Am I still ok?

All of a sudden, tears will drop down from my cheek; my emotion will control the nights and tears will lead me to my rest. Am I still ok?

Laughter and smiling face are with me, but my heart is in pain and in confuse. What do I want? What do You want? Where am I heading? Could I just go? Am I alone? Am I thinking too much? What have gone into me? Am I still ok?

Thousands and thousands questions pondering around my heart… I wish to stop this feeling, stop these questions, stop this sadness… but I just couldn’t find my secure, couldn’t find my answer, and couldn’t find my peace and direction. Am I still ok?

I am so lost… so confuse… so heavy… so breathless… so clueless… so unhappy. Please bear with me if you are around me. I need support and encouragement.

**Clueless**

Blue Day...

Already two days I came back from Sabah… Terrible feeling, awful mood. I don’t feel like working, don’t feel like laughing, don’t feel like doing anything else. I only wish that I can stop this feeling and pray that God will take this away from me.

It’s torturing…. I don’t know why, and it’s suffering. I miss my family, I miss my parents, my little brother, my aunt, my home and I miss Grace, Ah Boy, Vui Vui, Shirley, Fui Ping, and others old friends that used to grew up together with me. I miss them badly. Only two weeks, but there are big changes that I have to get used to. One of my colleague no longer works together with me. I miss her…. We used to be very good friend. We came to work together, off together, went out for lunch together, laugh for nonsense, and share each other works. But now, only left me, alone.

Going back to an empty house, the lights are not on and this doesn’t help my mood to be any better. My dear housemate went to Kelantan for working purpose and leaving me alone with my sister only is even worst. Thank God I still have my sister with me. If you know me well, you will know that I don’t really like changes in my life. If can, I would like to keep everything the same and pray that it will never change. But I have no choices but to face changes in life in order for me to grow. This is painful.

Coming back to reality, get myself back to the rat race… Back to packed schedule and busy lifestyle. I hate this kind of feeling. Anyway, I know that tomorrow will be better because each day, I learn to get used to my surrounding in order for me to keep surviving. Learning to be a joyful and a better person each day, to love and treasure everything.

I thought going back to my hometown is for one purpose but I never thought that God want me to settle something else first. That is to settled my past.

Sandakan is the place I grown up. St Michael Church is where I belong, also a place where we meet each other. From stranger, we get to know each other and we further down our relationship. Going back to my church allow many memories came back to me because that is the place our love was built and that should be the place I settle my emotion and my past. Stepping every place that we used to go, walk by streets of memories…. Only left a smile in my heart to thank God for what I’ve been through. The past no longer haunted me, for I am free because Christ dies for me.


**Settled**

Simple or complicated?

Yesterday, I have to wake up at 6 am to get myself prepared to church. Man, it’s really early. It’s been 4 years plus that I have not pushed myself to wake up so early to school or church. This is really self discipline.

Around 7.05 am, I reached church. The weather was cool and windy. It’s going to rain soon as you can see in the photo. Stepped into the church, look at the clock, 7.15 am and the church bell rang. Most of the people are half awake, half asleep because it’s really early. However, it is always a privilege to be in the house of God and the first song is sang title, “We bring the sacrifice of praise”.

The order of the service are like the normal sermon that I usual attended, hymns are sang, sermon is preached and holy communion is served to remember that Christ die for us.

After service, like what we normally do last time after every week service, we prepare ourselves to take breakfast in an old place with some old friend, eat some old menu noodle. At night, dinner is served, with the secret recipe of my dear friend. This wonderful dish called, black pearl whereby the other dish is just a simple ‘century egg dumpling (pi dan gau)’ which is quite popular in Sandakan. We have a fantastic time together. As you can see from the picture, they are actually making it so that dinner can be served while I couldn’t help them because I have a bigger calling to do that is to make new ribbon for my church dancers. My friends are considerate because they understand and help me along.

Life in Sandakan is simple, easy and people around us are kind hearted without much bad intention. “Staying here for the rest of your life is not a bad choice after all”, an idea suddenly came out from no where. Maybe different people will have different requirement. Some would like a challenging life so that they can keep on improving themselves, some would like a peaceful and calm life so that they can enjoy the meaning of life, some would like to gain more experiences to be more professional in certain field, some would only want to be with their parents and work a normal job with the same routine for the rest of their life.

These kinds of situations make me think about, what I want for my life? Do I want a continuous stressful and filled with competitor’s life to force myself to improve in the society? Or I would like an uncomplicated life where house and car are provided with an easy job that earn reasonable amount of salary? There are always good and bad in very area and in everything that you see. After all, it depends on what I want my life to be because God gives us choices. After all these thought, again I surrender myself to God. For not what I want but what He wants. Not my will but His be done. Yes, I do have choices, so I choose to follow Him.

**Surrender my all again**

Family time, family day

I’ve been given the privileged to come back to my hometown for Chinese New Year celebration, rest, and to have some time to spend with my family and friends here. For your information, my hometown is in a beautiful state name Sabah, in a big town name Sandakan. Sandakan is a place where most of the people will say that is peaceful and calm town. Employees start to work at 8am and end their work at 5pm. Some company will have lunch time for 2 hours. People will sleep at 9 or 10pm and most of the café will close at 10.30pm. So, do you agree with me that this is a calm and peaceful place? Parents will sleep early and wake up early for jogging and exercises.

Meanwhile in my house here is even calm and peaceful. My mom and dad sleep around 9.30pm, my house television only have TV1, TV2 and TV3, my brother is studying upper 6 now and my home PC is out of service so it’s in PC’s hospital for treatment now. Thank God that Grace, my best friend is kind enough to borrow me her laptop so that I still manage to connect with the world today.

Nonetheless, we do spend some family time together. One fine morning, the whole family went out for an early morning breakfast. I’ve been morning called on 7am to prepare for the morning breakfast that planned on 9am. This is torturing….

We went out for a tasty breakfast together with one of my aunt friend that came from KK. After the breakfast, the whole family went to visit the new market that located in Harbour square. This is a brand new and beautiful market. Harbour square is a new place which most of Sandakan people will be proud with and where we can see the sea and feel the sea wind. Hihihihihi….

Around noon time, we all went to complex Sibuga for a walk and jogging together with my Dad friend. We have some family time in this place as well. It considered a good place to jog and relax because it’s surrounded with green leaves and trees. It’s refreshing… the air is good, the place is clean and surrounded with birds.

Wonderful time with my friends and family back in hometown where I can only enjoy one’s a year. I’ll be going back to KL in two more days. For sure, I’ll miss them. Miss my family and my old friends here. After going back to KL, life will again become a routine where busy schedule reveal again on my table. Hmm….life still goes on. May God be with me.

**Rest and relax**

Willing?

On 20th of February, an old friend of mine has his wedding in my beautiful hometown church. Believe me, my hometown church is really pretty because it’s an old church first of all, and this church filled with memories. This is where I grew up; this is where I belong, where I meet God, where I meet most of my good friends and a place where I found things that I’ve lost. Coming back my mother church is always something excited, happy and feels like family.

This old friend of mine has his wedding in this beautiful church. The ceremony was simple and attractive. During the wedding, it reminds me about willingness. After they get married, they will have to travel to an island name Solomon Island and worked there. All these while, my friend has been working there and his purpose for coming back this time is to bring along his partner to work together with him over there.

As I tried to wear the wife shoes and stands on her point of view to think, this is something that need a big commitment, big courage and big responsibility. Throwing everything just to follow someone that he love to somewhere that she have no idea can survive or not, somewhere that she need a big courage to face, a place where might not suitable for her and a place that is totally not familiar to her. Family and friends are all around her most of the time before she is married but now she have to let go of all these and start a brand new journey with her husband, to live together in a strangers place. This is really a big challenge.

When this situation reflect back to me, a question pop up from my mind, do I willing to pay such a cost to someone that mean a lot to me? Or do I willing to let go of my all when there is time for me to let go? It again reminds me of willingness. If I have willingness, if I really love Him, I would go no matter where, I would do no matter what because I know He love me, I am not alone for He is with me. Willingness…. a big lesson and this is what everyone should have when come to certain situation. Not an easy lesson for it takes a big cost.

Lord, teach me to be willing and give me a willing spirit.

**Willingness come from inside**

Can girl and boy become best friend forever?

From the above topic, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend and keep their friendship forever without further down into another level?

A few days ago, I have this topic in mind so I take it out as a conversation with some friend of mine. He strongly agrees that guy and gal will not be best friend only. Some day, they will fall in love with each other and end up become couple. Some of my friend also said that, your best friend is your spouse. So, that actually concludes the whole topic of the above question.

Last time when I was in a relationship, I agree with different gender will never becomes best friend only but now, my stand is no longer that strong but a little bit doubt here and there. After trails and difficulties, your perspective on certain things will change. Why two different genders cannot become best friends? I personally have a few boys’ friends that consider close to me and we share everything.

Some people will agree that, if you broke up in your past relationship, and both of you become friends again and he or she might able to be your best friend forever only with the condition that one of them is attached with someone else. Two single persons will not become best friend. Do this statement valid?

Some people will said that maybe girls will be ok with it having a male friend as their best friend because most of the girls have motherly love and unconditional love to give and share with people around them. But as for guys….they will not invest something that is not his thing or no benefit at all. Is that true in guys’ point of view? Ones a guy treat you more than normal friend, it mean something more than friend and they expect something more than friend. How true is that statement?

Honestly, my point of view is nothing is impossible and nothing is certain. Like one of my friends said that, she will not choose her best friend to be her boyfriend. I asked her, why? She answered me, I have no idea but it just seems weird. As for me, I don’t think it’s weird but I will said, I don’t choose my best friend to be my boyfriend because I cherish the friendship. I don’t hope that I myself am the one that cherish the friendship a lot and I am the one that ruin the friendship at last. Maybe some other will said that it depends on how you define the word “ best friend” and others will said that it depends on what you want and how you see things. Well, what do you think? Can different gender become best friend forever that share everything without further down? Maybe can, but a very thin line. Do drop your comment….

**Can or cannot**

Happy Valentines Day

Today is the most romantic day for the whole year. Couple will meet up and share their love and time together. Some of my friends willing to travel miles just to spend this day with their love one…. Awww… so romantic. I would like to take this opportunity to greet every couple, happy valentines day. May God bless every couple that they will continue be in romance and non-stop fall in love with each other. After so many years of being attach with someone, this year I’ll spend my valentines being single again. Hmm….. The feeling is still ok, consider good. I kinda enjoy today because I got accompany by some friends, received some sms and most important is, I can feel the love of my Lord again. Nothing is more precious than the love of God. I’m being reminded how much He love and care for me. While I’m still waiting for the other half of mine, I enjoy life and spend most of my time with my friends and family.

Another joyful thing that I wanted to share is the flowers. I received these flowers from two friends of mine. Thank you… so happy because I have flowers for this Valentines Day. Every girls will filled with joy when they received flowers from someone in this special day. Although they gave me the flowers on last Sunday not on the actual 14th February but I do feel cheerful.

Just now, when I was updating this blog, my darling came over to my place and bought me a Ferrero Rocher bouquet. It was a surprise and I’m touch. I am really happy and there are tears in my eyes because I never expect her to give me anything because each of us has a tight budget and her boyfriend is here some more which means that they will need to spend a lot in dinners and gifts. I’m touch and so happy. Thank you dear…. Love you so much too.

At that moment, I really thank God. Thank Him for giving me so many wonderful people around me to be with me and to walk with me. No matter where am I, God will provide someone to support and love me. God love me so much, my friends around me love me so much and I love them so much too. I am single but I know, I never alone. 

As for single, don’t feel stress because of Valentines Day but take this chances to flash back how beautiful life is. There are a lot of people who care for you as who you are. Nonetheless, take pleasure no matter where you are, no matter you have that special someone or not. Be glad and have faith for God will surely provide and bless us.

**Valentines special**

Silent journey

There is a time when our spiritual walk with God became quiet and calm. This past two weeks, I tried so hard to walk, to laugh, to smile and do what I suppose to do. Things still doesn’t seems right, doesn’t seems like what I’ve expected. A lot of people said that we should expect more… expect more from God. I do put my expectation on God as well, but most of the time, I don’t get what I expect and I’ll end up stand alone silently before God.

Everything, every word, has more than one point of view. After all, it depends on what we want, how we see things and how we think. Like what I mention in my previous title, I’ve been busy. Busy with ministry, busy with work, busy with friends and busy with my own stuff. Packed schedule, a lot of things I have to learn, a lot of things I have to figure it out and a lot of expectation from here and there. After all these busyness, I look back and ask myself, what do I gain? Do I gain appreciation? Do I gain experience? Do I gain benefits? Do I gain stronger? Or I only gain one word, which is exhausted? I put a lot of effort and time on things that I like, on things or people that matter a lot to me…. Now, I can only stand before God silently, speechlessly. Don’t know what I want, wondering what has got into me? Am I still ok? Am I doing too much? Am I caring too much? Am I still the one that God want me to become?

Struggle here and there; difficulties lay along the entire roadside. I stand in the middle of my journey, silently, without any word in my mind, with no expression in my face and wait upon my Lord.

(Do you find yourself in a "wilderness" experience, isolated from friends and family? If so, the Lord may want to teach you lessons of faith and endurance that you could never learn in a busy crowd. —Dennis Fisher
In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.
God is with you in your most barren wilderness.) * Today’s word in daily bread – speaks to me, speaks about me.

**Cry without tears**

I've been busy

It’s been 3 weeks plus that I’ve not update my blog. Maybe I’ve get use to it with updating my blog ones in two or three weeks. Nonetheless, tonight I have the opportunity to flash back what I’ve go through in this pass two or three weeks. Required myself to flash back what I’ve been through is really something tough because if you know me well, you will know that I have poor memory. I can forget stuff easily. If you come and asked me what I wear last Saturday to church service, I will need you to give me 3 minute to think what I’ve wear to church last Saturday. So, from that example, you can roughly know how serious that is. Most of my friend will said that I have short term memory lost and they will always remind me on stuff if they required me to help. By the time they remind me, they can actually work it out by themselves. But still, they love me as who am I. Besides that, I have to set reminder in my phone in order for me to remember important things. But slowly, I have to train up myself to remember things by my own and to learn to be independent. Wait…. I’m quite independent also. Just that I don’t like to be alone, so I will always required my friends to keep me companionship. Anyway, that’s a very brief about me and my little memory brain.

Ok, let’s go back to the origin topic. What I’ve been busy about? Let me think…..hmmm…. Basically it’s nothing much about my past two weeks. I've been busy for my routine daily work and ministry. We have one public holiday on the date of 20th February, Saturday. I’ve organize a small outing for my cell group so that we can spend more time to be together and get to know one another. With the agreement of everyone voting the place that they wish to go, we end up going to a famous garden in Kuala Lumpur called Perdana Lake. It considers a pretty park but nothing much we can do over there. Nonetheless, we took some photos….


* Will upload the photo later… (As promised)

Today is another public holiday… Well, about this…I shall update it later then.

**Busy life with no word to explain**

In love

A very common discussion yet it’s a difficult topic.

A good friend of mine came back from Penang last week to pack up the things that she left behind last time. She’s now in a relationship…..So happy for both of them because both of them are good friends of mine. The guy plan to give her a surprise shock by meeting with her in pudu bus station while the girl totally have no idea about it because they planned to meet up in Sunway bus stop. When the guy found her, he sms me and said he has found her and now he will bring her home.

Awww…..so sweet. Follow up with the girl sms me and said that she was so happy that he gave her a surprise shock by picking her up in the Pudu bus station. I reply them and said, both of them so romantic that they walk together, holding hands…. Under the hot sun and by the time they reach home, they’ve already become wet chicken.

After the whole conversation, I sit there myself and have a short thought for a while. Being in love is always sweet, always happy and always beautiful. Your surrounding will become beautiful. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, things just seem to be right, thing just seems to be perfect as it is.

As I continue to ponder around and started to dream my “dream man”. A man without face (because I have no idea who should be my life partner that’s why for this certain of time, he has no face until I find him, I’ll replace the face back to my fantasy world) to be with me, stand beside me when I need him, walk with me when I need accompany, hug me when I’m sad and love me and accept me as who am I. Being in love is always sweet and comfortable.

The more I thought about being in a relationship, the more I realize that I am not prepare to be in a relationship right now. I’ve read a blog from a friend of mine title ring. He bought a new ring for her girlfriend as well as himself. In his blog, he mention about commitment. Wherever he goes, the ring will be in his finger, whatever he does, the ring is there. You open the door, the ring is there, he washes dishes, and the ring is there. In different point of view, that is what commitment means. Like it or not, the “ring” will stick with you and whatever you do, you have to do it together with the “ring”.

Right now, in this period of time…a very clear answer from God in different situations that God show me that I am not prepare to be in a relationship. I think I am not ready to step into another relationship as well. I just enjoy being who am I in this New Year, focus doing things that I’ve been called to do and enjoy life while I’m still single and available.


** Not Prepared **

Happy New Year~

Happy new year everyone!!!~~~ Yeah.., it’s new year. I feel so excited and happy because it’s new year. New year, new year resolution ( which I haven’t work it out), new style of me (still that pretty…Hihihihihi. If you notice me, there is minor changes of me. Not pimples, ok dude?) , new shoes, new….what else new again ah? I think that’s it.

Yeah….Happy New Year !!!~~~

How you spend your new year? I spend first day with, woke up early morning to go for Dim Sum in SS 2 together with my family in Christ. After breakfast, we went to Salvation and I bought myself a WOW, The Big picture, the bible in 7 minutes a day and can’t wait to start a brand new day with my brand new bible and a brand new relationship with my most love. I also bought some other books for my sister and a friend of mine. I hope they like and will read it because both books are good books that will help them out in their spiritual walk with God.

Later on, we went to Puchong because a friend of mine would like to take his stuff from someone but we got lost. Ya….I know…. how nice, first day of 2007, we got ourselves lost in Puchong.

But it’s ok. Little bit hide and seek will not tear our excited spirit down. We continue our day with going to our boss house, and spent our days there.

At night, we went for dinner in KFC. After KFC, we went to pastor’s place to play a board game name, RISK. That was a fun one. I won the battle by completing my mission in “RISK”. So happy….So happy. I never thought I could win because before they teach me to play the game, they told me that it’s quite difficult and it requires your mind technique. As I thought myself, Oh No…I am not that really good in using my mind but lo and behold, I won. Hihihihihihi…. And I reach home around 2 am. Fun first day of 2007? I think so….

**New year**