What if?

Last night, Danny and I have this “what if” discussion. Well, it’s not really a discussion. It’s more a story telling by him. He asked me, have you ever though about what your life will be if in the beginning, you choose something else instead of the life that you have now? I answered him, hmm…. I never really thought about it because since I was a small kid, people around me taught me that my life is in God’s hand and He has everything in control and He has a plan for me. Basically, I never thought what if this or what if that. I have the mind set of God already has everything planned well.

Later on, he continued his story. He ponders around about what his life will be if in the beginning he chooses TARC instead of APIT? According to him, he might not come to FCC, might not know Christ and might not accept Him as his personal savior, might be a gangster that still hang around finding the purpose of life, might not know all his friends and might not know me and further down our relationship.

Today, as usual, I wake up early, prepare myself to work and talk to God for a while. Normal working moment while I keep my media player on with a song title, You’re everything to me by Avalon. That’s a nice song. Shortly, my mind started to wonder around and I think back what we’ve discussed last night. What will my life be if I don’t have God? If I don’t have my church friends? What will my life be if in the beginning, I choose to stay in Sabah instead of coming to KL? What will my life be? Will I stop growing in maturity in my spiritual life and my thought? Will I still be my parent’s baby? Will I still hang out with the same group of people? Will I regret of choosing to stay in Sabah? I never know what my life will be if I choose to stay in Sabah last time. I think that if I don’t have God in my life, I will be lost and living in a life that have no purpose and meaning at all.

I never know what my life will be if I choose to stay in Sabah last time. I will never know what my life will be if God is not the center of me. But I rather not to try this experience. The biggest fear that I have, not about insect or animal, but when I don’t have God with me, looking at me each day and giving me His everlasting love. The biggest fear that I have is that, when I wake up, I release that God is not with me. Anyway, I know this will not happen because God is always with me. J This is what He has promised.

Everything happened for a purpose, a reason. We’ll never know what is the reason until we step in and trust God. Step by step, He will let us see things clearer. Life darkest time happen so that you can see God brightest light that lead you over where there is rainbow waiting for you.

** Everything happen for a reason **

All for Him

Yesterday is the last day that I practice dance together with the Chinese team as they are going to Labuan and Beafort this coming Wednesday. Throughout this whole one month plus, I learn a lot of things from them and from a Chinese culture point of view. Today, I strict them to dance properly, filled with passion and concentration, and to stressed them to dance the best for God. Indeed, they did a very good job for Him. I am so happy and satisfied. As I always encourage them, we serve God, is not about the skills or talents…. But it’s all about the heart. So, I don’t really care how many talents or gift that one person has. If he or she don’t have any talents but he or she have this heart to dance for God, I believe God will used him or her, and I willing to spare time to train him or her up with patient. After all, this is what I’ve been called to do. God sees our heart. If God can use me for His kingdom, why can’t He use you for His kingdom? After all, I am no body in front of Him.

Talked about the matter of heart, today when I witness their rehearsal, God reminded me a lot of things. At first, He reminded me the issue about serving Him with our heart. Many of them are nobody; not a skillful people or a celebrity but God remind me that, what he wants from us is not our talents but our heart. A pure and faithful heart, a righteous and willing heart to be used by Him. If we compare the event that held outside the church, maybe it’s not as good quality as it should be. But if God want to choose, He would choose a humble servant that gives all the glory to Him and not to themselves alone.

I see great people with great vision and with a big heart that willingly used by God. I prayed that this trip of theirs, they able to impact people’s life and lift His name up high.

Secondly, God reminded me how much he care and love me. From the drama that they performed title, Fathers love. Again, I rededicate myself to my heavenly father and I said I’m sorry that I’ve hurt Him a lot. He never gives up and never stops loving me. I prayed that I would only love Him the most for the rest of my life because what I gain, is more than what I worth gaining.

**Bring me back**

20.07.2007

When you looked into the calendar, beside 07/07/07 is a beautiful date; 20.07.2007 also consider a beautiful date. Double figure 2007 in one day. Nice? I think it’s beautiful.

What make 20.07.2007 so special? As for me, a day to be reminded how God has bless me and bring me through difficulties that I have to go through and how much I should thank Him and love Him in return.

I’m pleased and grateful for what he has done for me, effort that he has paid, time that he has shared, joy that he brought into my life, sadness that he has shown to let me know him more, knowledge that he learn and teach me with patient, word of encouragement and affirmation to affirm me over and over again and love that he has given to prove me with every deed that he work things out.

People said that the beginning of everything is filled with passion. I prayed that this passion would continue to be strong until eternity.

Guide our heart and mind as we continue to walk in the path that you have for us. May Your kingdom come, Your will be done. Amen.

**20072007**

A reminded passage

As I watch back the previous chapter of friends (which is my favorites), again I realize that people move on with their life and things are never the same any more no matter how much I wish it will never change.

This few days, I get very disappointed the word “friendship”. As I was thinking this pass few days, what is the true meaning of friendship? What it is? What I’ve done?

I give, I paid, I spend, I loved, and I accepted… what else do you want from me?

Until a point that I told myself, whatever it is… I’ve did my part as a friend. I give up.

I know this sound very sad but I have really run out of idea. I don’t know what else I can do. No matter what I did, everything seems to be wrong. Miscommunication, my fault, I shared, no trust was gain, I loved, being comment as loved blindly. What on earth have I done? Why things that I did, people keep giving me comment that are not from me and yet from their point of view. Have problem with me, discuss with someone else. What is that? I’m tired.

Until today, the words of God remind me again when I read this passage:

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27:10-16
"Do not forsake your friend '" (v.10)

Stay loyal and loving to your friends as far as you possibly can. I say "as far as you possibly can" because they may commit and continue in some sin - such as adultery - and this demands action by the church as described in Matthew 18.

Discipline may have to be given and you have to be willing to be part of that by withdrawing from that friendship until repentance is demonstrated. Loyalty and love in this case would mean continuing in prayer for your friend - prayer, by the way, that may take hours, not minutes. The opposite of friendship is - isolation.

And how much emotional damage is the result of that? "The world is so empty," said Goethe, "if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities, but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us and, though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth an inhabited garden." God made us for relationships and it is His will and purpose that we cultivate a circle of friends. Every friend is different. No one has a double in friendship. The more we have, the richer we are. Dr. Lawrence Crabb says, "Every day we ought to move out from our base in the home and say to ourselves: Lord, help me reach out and touch someone deep in their being today, not for the rewards it brings me in terms of good feelings, but for the blessing I can be to them." Jesus lived and acted like this. Perhaps this is why they called Him "the Friend of sinners." He hated sin, but loved the sinner.
Prayer:
Father, one thing is clear - the wise are those who know how to make friends. Guide me in my future days so that in every relationship I may be able to apply some of the principles I have learned. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

From that passage, I repent and ask God to give me strength and patience to love again. What I got from the word of His is, Stay loyal and loving to your friends as far as you possibly can. I know it’s hard but very good relationship bears with pain and hurt. Every good things endure suffering. May God strengthen me again.

**Friends is my thing**

Dore birthday !!!

Happy Birthday to a lovely brother of us. May God grand you wisdom in your path, love among people around you and health that keep you strong for His kingdom. A nice and funny guy that came all the way from Labuan and speaks three language in one statement. When I listen to what he said, I can only have one word, CUTE. How can people speak all together three languages? Most of the time when he speak with “the labuan gang”, the whole conversation will include, Malay, English and Hakka. Weird right? But I think it’s cute. I am learning that as well… Hihihihi…

One thing that make everyone very happy is that, we’ve successfully throw him into the swimming pool… That is cool.

**Blessed Birthday**

Till we see again

Goodbye my dear friend.

A lovely and kind-hearted guy has just left us to continue his journey in a land that filled with chocolate and liquid. Definitely, I will feel sad because he is one of my closes friends that willing to help me when I need his hand.

I gonna miss him much. It’s kinda weird when I don’t get to see him in church and seeing him bully someone else. Hihihihih…. (Well, he is kind, but he likes to bully people too).

To be frankly, last time I don’t really have good impression about him. First of all, I think that he don’t know how to control his tongue. He talks whatever he wants without words crossing his mind. Slowly, when we get closer and I get to know him more, I knew that God have changed him and we started to give each other a chance to know one another before we jump into a fast conclusion. Well, things came out differently and now I am sad because he will leave us. In fact, it’s a joy because he leave us to do what God has called him to do and I can only prayed that he will touch many people’s life and change theirs life as well.

On 7th July 2007, a meaningful day. Many couple chooses that day to make the biggest decision in life. Congratulate to the new bride and groom, Jean and Sio Yean. At last, they are married. So happy for them. Beside a big day for couple, it’s also a big day for a dear friend of mine because it’s his graduation day. I took one day off to attend his big day because I knew that this mean a lot to him. At first, he got very upset with no one attending his convocation. His parents are not coming, and his cell leader couldn’t make it and he gets very frustrated with it. So, with a kind hearted me, I offer myself to witness this meaningful day of his.

Seeing him prepared himself in the convocation, taking the cert and coming out from the hall, it’s very meaningful and costly. Like this, he has to begin his new journey in working life. Working life is always sucks. Not as pretty as students life. Anyhow, I’m glad that he has successfully done his duty as a student and continues his life with other chapters. Here, I wish him all the best. May God guide his path and be with him. We will surely miss you.

**Never forget me**

Love with action

Love with action is something that it’s easier to say than do. Well, saying is always the easiest. Last night, I’m being reminded that love is all about action but not the word that come out from someone’s mouth.

Human is not perfect and they come with one package of weakness and strength. When you said that you love someone, you take the whole package of him/her. Good or bad, we bear for one another.

Sometimes, there are only fear and doubt in my mind when something doesn’t seem right. But last night, I’m being reminded again that, I should always remember what he did for me and hold on to it tight enough so that I able to continue to walk in faith with God and to trust him again.

After all, it’s not about word but actions and trust that keep us together.

Lord, courage is what I need as I continue my way and walk closer to your wills. Amen.

**Reminded**

After a long break

As I was browsing my blog, I found that I’ve only updated one post on June. Wow… it’s a long break.

All these while, I keep trying to find topic to write in my blog, but when I start with a blank Microsoft word, my mind goes blank too. In additional, I’ve been busy in my working place and personal life.

Well, as for working life, it’s always busy. Responsibilities have added up and sometimes I have to stay until 8pm or bring some work of mine home in order to manage the productivity of my job tasks. To achieve a goal, endurance is all I need.

As for my personal life, it’s always about serving God and having fellowship with my friends. Recently, I’ve been busy practicing and coordinating a dance with a gang of Chinese dancers that prepare themselves for a conference in Labuan. Along the process, to be one of them, I learn something throughout the journey that I walked with them. Some of them, they don’t have dancing background but they have a heart of serving and a heart that willing to learn and to be train. Some of them have dancing background but the submissive heart is a bit reluctant. Anyhow, it never stops me from serving God. After all, it’s all about God’s kingdom. The happiest part of practicing together with them is that, I see a big improvement from them. They really put in effort to dance, and would like to give the best for God and for His glory. This is always the happiest part when you can see someone improve and he/she is getting better and better. The effort that I put, they appreciate, and the effort that they put, I can see and I compliment them.

Hmm… I guess that’s something that I’ve been busy about. Hardly believe that it’s another half year already. Time really flies. Another half year it will be the end of 2007.

July is here. Well, it’s another month that I should sit myself down, and think what I’ve learned in this half-year time. What I’ve achieved and what I want to achieve again. Well, I manage to find a special someone in my life. This special someone, give me joy and laughter. At first, not many people think that it’s a good choice. But anyhow, I’ve make the first step, and it’s my pleasure to continue to walk on my journey with grateful heart and with faith in God. After all, God is in control. All I have to do, is walk with faith and trust in Him.

**Long break**

Be content

Happy Belated Birthday Lydia and Brooke Ann.

Last night my house is pack with peoples. At first, Ka Seng is back from Tawau. So, he’ll be staying at my place for a few days. Plus Lydia and Danny is there. Anyway, both of them are always there. Grace is also there and of course, Brooke is there too coz it’s her birthday. My housemates make soup, and we spend wonderful time together.

It’s been quite some time that our place not as happening as last time. Maybe because everyone is busy and we just can’t find some time to spend some crazy time together.

It’s nice when your house is filled with laughter, filled with joy and screaming here and there. People talking and making noise. You feel that the house is all alive again, and the joy of living is around again.

People playing, laughing, talking and making jokes, having fun. It’s fun.

Many times in our life, due to busyness of working and something else, we lost the fun time. We seldom stop ourselves down and think how wonderful life is. How beautiful laughter is. When you hear people laughing, very naturally, you will feel stress gone and life is fabulous again. I miss this kind of feeling.

After last night, I’m refreshed. I remind myself to give thanks to God and remind myself to count my blessing and be content with what I have. I thank God for peoples around. They color up my life when my life left black and gray in color.

**Contented**