Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The rest day

I have a wonderful break yesterday. I manage to do something creative. Something that I never do and something that is not related to work. Hahaha… I manage to play with the clay. I always wanted to do something creative just to refresh myself from work and to rebuild again the strength. Release stress is also one of the reason and to find the moral of the story when I try new things.

Well, I manage to make a ladybird and a mushroom. Although the ladybird eyes are one big and small but still, it is a ladybird ok… not shit. I know, I know it look ugly but don't worry, the ladybird is my first creation. You can see that I improve fast when I made the second one, the mushroom. Always left some space to improve.

The moral of the whole creation thing; Wow… God is creative and he made everyone special. Luckily I am not the one that has the responsibility to create things and make things alive. Can you imagine if I create something?

God is always good, always creative, always loving and He will still love you no matter how extraordinary you are. Maybe from the one big and small eyes ladybird, God will remind me something else one day. We will never know…. But for sure, there is lesson we all should learn and willing to learn everyday.

I will still love my ugly ladybird although it's ugly but because I made it, I will love it. Imagine how much more God's love for us?

p/s: Next break, butterfly maybe… Hahaha…

**A fresh break**

Thursday, July 24, 2008


One fine afternoon, Grace phone rang….

G: Hello
Me: Can you tell me things will be ok?
G: Ok! Everything will be ok.
Me: Why it doesn't sound convincing?

When you need someone to tell you things will be ok because you wish to hear that everything will be ok but when you heard it, it doesn't sound that things will be ok. Not that the way she said is not convincing but my heart are not convinced

It’s my problem or my heart problem?
All I want to hear and wish is that things will be ok… But when I get what I want, how come I am not smiling and feeling what I suppose to feel whereby the feeling of helpless will occur.…

Please… Please Lord… Please tell me things will be ok!


Monday, July 21, 2008

Dance is an art

It is always a joy when I able to dance in front of my Lord. Every time I am on the stage, there will only one motive, one heart and one focus that to make my Lord pleased with what I am doing.

To fill His heart with joy and to visualize that He is looking at me with a smile, my heart melt like someone that I long for and deeply in love is happy. Most of the time, I failed to make Him smile. I can only confess and said I'm sorry because I am weak. But when I dance for Him, my heart will goes to His and my focus is to show Him and to express myself what words and music are not enough to explain how I feel. Body language can talk and it show how we feel. I believe that dance do speaks and dance is like a picture with a million words. When you have no word but only emotions that is the time when you feel like dancing. I feel like moving my feet just to show Him how much I feel when I am really feel happy and I feel like moving my hand to let Him know much my sad is when I am really in pain.

Some people believe that words are limited. Words cannot really express what we really want to share but music, dance and art can talk behalf of us.

**Dance is one kind of art too**

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The journey of life

Some people said, life is like a book
Some will believe life is a journey
Different books have its own story
Different journey of life have its own tale
Don’t judge a book by its cover
Don’t judge human by its appearance
No one can fully understand every chapter of your life
No one can completely recognize the path that you face
Some will comment that it's an easy path
Some will cry and believe that its a painful path
But no one knows how pain is your heart
Neither how cheerful you feel
No one knows how grateful you feel when you truly feel
Only God understand is always the comfort we carry
Only God knows every pain and laughter we walked through
For every road, God never leave us
He watched us walk slowly and closely
We run for Him when we are passionate
Felt down and cry when we are broken
Dancing on the road side when we have the happiest moment
Different journey, different breakthrough
Who we are to compare whose path is harder or simpler
Who we are to judge and comment what bring us joy and pain?
God grace sufficient for every single one, every single day
With joy, I willing to walk in the darkness with Him
Rather than in the light without Him

**Journey of Life**

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Need a break

It’s been two months now. My table started to filled up with files, paper, documents and something that I have no idea with what is that. Since my boss is back, I've not been really sit down and have a relax job. I like to just sit in from of my laptop with my feet up on the chair crossed with a soft songs playing and with a good cooling environment that won't make me sneezing the whole day. It is just nice with a cup of white coffee in front and I work on the things slowly and comfortably. These two weeks, can't even enjoy that for one day.

Trying to make myself comfortable then I've been called in for meeting or else I need to go out to collect rental or banks. Else I'll be rushing for some letters or report.

Now, I really understand why some of us long for the Tuesday break so much. I can't wait to have mine on this coming Tuesday off. I really need a break badly. Just to recharge myself so that I can again have a refresh next two weeks. A day off just for the sake of doing something that I like and my mind off works for awhile. I should start to plan my Tuesday off soon so that I can used that day fully. May God be my strength and wisdom.

**Need a break**

Friday, July 11, 2008

Frustrated week

So, other than meetings to attend and load with works I experience why Sabahan hate to go back to their own place and yet they still have to go back sometimes because that's where they belong. What I experience is about almost a week my apartment run out of water. Totally run out of water. If you know me, I hate it so much when there is no water supply. I rather no electricity but there is still water supply. I will have the whole sense of things are not clean enough when there is no water provided.

For almost the whole week waiting for be water and in the mood of frustration. I get very frustrated when no water but Thank God I guess after yesterday, things get back to normal. Hope that it will continue to be normal. Or else, I'll be all frustrated again. Learning to calm down the frustration, it's a good lesson…

**Frustrated week**

Friday, July 04, 2008


A random chat as usual…

Me: So how is you gf? Well from chicken pox? Got scar?
CL: Ya… fully recover already but still recovering from the pox pox
Me: So cham o… I actually wish to have chicken pox too but with danny beside me … please
CL: Wa… you want to suffer to have your bf beside you meh?
Me: Of course ma… then can let can let him worry me a bit… then nervous a bit… then sayang me more and care me more. Feel loved also… hahahah
CL: Hahahah… can feel you really really X100 miss him wor
Me: Hahaha…. Little bit like that la

## Take a short break from working, have a thought about the chat for awhile.

Hmm… I guess I really really miss him until I also didn't notice that I miss him so much that my words tell and people around me can feel it. God, I really miss him….I think this is the first time i miss someone this much.

Counting day by day and prayed that when he is here, time will pass slower and we can at least have some quality time together.

**Miss you badly**

A long week

It's been a long day for me this few days. Big boss is back from the holy land so as his PA that came back from holiday. Other than meeting and prepare to meeting I am busy around with preparing meetings material and to get myself ready. So this week it's all about meeting. Indeed, a tiring and stressful week.

This weekend will be a working weekend for me. Saturday work half day in the office and will continue to work in my room for the sake of preparing myself the Sunday meeting. Sunday will spend my morning in both services and serve as a dancer that lead 8 people to dance together and in the afternoon, we will have ground breaking service in some where here that we need to travel 40 minutes to reach. Continue with a thanksgiving ceremony for our new staff quarters follow up with dinner that will be provided and meeting. That will be my weekend. The meeting will continue the next day and ends before lunch time. Wow… first time I gonna attend a long meeting like this. Well, I believe I will learn so many things throughout the whole meeting.

Other than long and tiring days, Sabah maxis have some problem. My mobile keep showing that no network to access and I can't call out neither can anyone call in. I can't call Danny and he can't call me. In my mind I thought, phone is the only way we can communicate that time because I don't have internet connection when I left the office and he also have problem with internet when there are chances to meet online. I type the sms but I can't send out. We tried to call each other until our mobile out of battery and yet we can't reach each other. Man… that really sucks.

I miss him…. Miss him badly… with the bad line connection thing it make both of us cherish each other more and to cherish every phone conversation that we have.

**A long week**