It’s been 24th days. Last Friday, I got back my stuff… and when I look at the camera, my heart broke into pieces. Last time, I wanted to buy the camera so much because I hope that I can capture all “our” moment and keep it until the day is here. Now, the camera only can be own by one person and the picture inside will only have one face. Slowly, I learn to walk myself instead of God carrying me. I tell myself, it’s time to walk alone. Bleeding has stop, and I just need time for my wound to recover. Pain never left me; I still have to endure this pain. Bit by bit, I have the bravery to walk shopping malls. A lot of memories that came back to me… I can only tell my heart that, it’s over, everything is over, and I’m alone now.
Just now, I also manage to pick myself up and pack up all the stuff. As I look back all the things, there is still a smile on my face. Thinking, how nice it is if the ending is not like this. There are so many promises that are yet to fulfill and everything seems has become rubbish now. Nothing is meaningful, all meaningless.
A person that I used to love the most, care the most, appreciate the most, now has become someone that I don’t want to see, don’t want to know, don’t want to care about. It’s weird…so weird. From stranger we become friends, from friends we become best friend and from best friend we become couple that wished to spend the rest of our life together. And yet, now everything is useless. Everything is meaningless. From that moment, a couple has turn into a stranger, sometimes even worst than stranger. Last time, I can’t wait to see him, now every time I saw him; I felt that there is a knife pierce into my heart. The closer he is, the more difficult I catch my breath. I felt weird. Trying so hard to ask myself to not to act this way, but I just can’t stop the way I acted.
From this point of time, there are still thought inside my mind trying to get the answer. What I’ve done wrong that we have to end this way? 7th years… 7th years of sweet and pain, we grow together, we change together, and we fight for certain thing together, encourage each other, taking care of each other but now…everything is meaningless. MEANINGLESS. People beside me told me that this is no one fault. I know… but I just couldn’t….. I can only wish that I can get well soon. Lord, please heal me. I’m broken and lost…
4 comments:
Well, it's no one's fault. It is the situation and circumstances that changed. We grew up. We ourselve also changed without us realising it. This experience somehow told me God has decided to make you stronger. Well besides God, we also walk along with you in fulfilling the purpose God given you. Relax... God is carrying you through...
I think the best medicine you need is *LOTSA HUGS!!! Come come *HUGS HUGS
Come on my friend, u can do it by the power of god. As what u had encouraged me in the past few months and now u hav to encourage urself as well. God olwez hand in hand with u to go tru every circumstances.
Trust him, HE is doing his mighty work in u. GOD love u so much and every problems HE gave that is what u can overcome. Otherwise, HE wont let u go tru it.
Never say "GOD i have a big problem" during the difficulties time but instead of saying "Hey problem, i hav a big GOD"
Tzekin, move on and grow up in Christ. there is still lotz of marvelous things that HE wans to colorful ur life!!
Mid Sis, Be strong with the Lord. For He can heal u....
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