Unspoken cry

I only want to serve You, why is it so hard?

I only want to be with You, why is it so far?

I only want to love You, why is it so pain?

Lord, may Your grace sufficient for me each day. May Your presence be with me always. May Your wisdom is enough for me and May Your comfort come when there is only tears I can shed in a silent pain, invisible burden and a quiet journey.

**Unspoken cry**

This is how it work

**How cool is this...**

Everyone knows that to maintain a long distance relationship is tough. Even people around me said that it is impossible to maintain a long distance relationship or they will said that they don’t believe in long distance relationship. I used to be one of them but things changed, so as my thought. I believe that we are separated for a reason and he thinks that too because everything happen for a reason. To be in a relationship is never easy, what more than not being around with each other.

**I'm watching American Idol from 8tv through the web cam in Danny's place**

We try to be there, try to spend more time togehter and try to endure till the times come when we will be together all the time. As for now, we will focus on what we are called to do. May God’s grace sufficient for both of us and may He be the center of us.

**It work...**

It’s been a week now

It’s been a week that i’ve left the place i’ve spent 6 years. Can’t believe that i’ve been here for a week. Everything started to be ok although i’m still not very sure of many things. When people ask me, are you ok? I answered, i’m ok but i doubted. Am i really ok? I am blur more than ok. Some pastors ask me, are you ok? I look at them for a few sec and said, erm... i guess so. Then i said i am ok and will be ok. Right now, just a bit blur. Then they said, it’s ok. It’s ok to be not ok and it’s ok to be blur. I guess they didn’t expect me to be ok in such a short period too. Well, i don’t wish to push myself to be ok in such a short period too.

Cried for a few days, slowly i started to get use to it. At least i know where to do laundry, where to find food, where am i working, where i sit, how should i wear, where should i go and where is the church. Started to get use to it that he no longer beside me and can’t meet him everyday. All i have is only his voice. Sometimes, i still can see him but i can’t touch him. Being in a distance love so far is still ok for me. As least i still able to cope it and it’s not as bad as i thought. Of course, we have to pray hard to reduce unnecessary miscommunication. May God guide us through.

Deep inside, i know i’m ready. Ready in a sense that whatever i’ll be facing, challenges that i will have to take and things that i will learn and to be mold. I’m excited in how God will use me in another hand, i’m blur as well. May God show me His direction. This is it... This is the land where i will be different person. A land that will mold me, train me to be a stronger, better person and closer to Him. Same journey, new chapter of life.

**A week of blur**

A calm night

Tonight is a calm and beautiful night. The music plays and a calm wind blow by. I hold my hands together to get warmer. Sitting in a strange place with him sitting beside me. I look around and have a thought for awhile. Time pass so fast and it only left 2 more days before I fly off. How do I really feel right now? Besides of all the busy settling stuff, handling things, meeting up with friends and catching up with books, I really didn’t spare much time in recognizing my feeling.

Can’t deny that tear is the biggest issue for me right now. I’ve been in this place and been in this church for 6 years. Feeling sad to leave is such a normal case for me. I can’t believe time pass this fast that my time has finally came. In another hand, I am excited for the new life that I’m going to face and yet I too have the problem of letting go and move on. After all, like it or not, I will still have to move on and prepare for the journey that I will meet in my coming days.

Thank you for those who remember me, treat me for such an expensive dinner, willing to spare their precious time with me and trying so hard to make things work out for me. I truly appreciate and I can’t stop giving thanks to God when I thought of you all.

Two more days... I can only pray that the Lord is with me, calm my emotion and help me to adapt to new places as soon as possible.

**A calm night**

Last day in PBHSB

Can’t believe that today is the last day working in this company. I’ve been working here for two years and seven months. Exactly two years and seven months. I started to join on 3rd of October 2005 and my last day is 3rd of May 2008.

How do I feel right now? Other than busy settling work, I felt kinda sad. Sad as in I’m leaving and when we meet again, it will never be the same anymore. It’s really my joy to be with them and to work together with them. Although gossip is around, blame is always around but when we laugh, we laugh together and when we suffer, each other is there coz they don’t really have any choice coz it’s their own responsibility as well. Hahaha…

I’m glad to know them and with every one of them and they’ve been a blessing in my life. When time comes, we all have to move on. I wish all of them good luck and all the happiness. May their wish come true.

**Happy going, happy growing**