It’s been a week now

It’s been a week that i’ve left the place i’ve spent 6 years. Can’t believe that i’ve been here for a week. Everything started to be ok although i’m still not very sure of many things. When people ask me, are you ok? I answered, i’m ok but i doubted. Am i really ok? I am blur more than ok. Some pastors ask me, are you ok? I look at them for a few sec and said, erm... i guess so. Then i said i am ok and will be ok. Right now, just a bit blur. Then they said, it’s ok. It’s ok to be not ok and it’s ok to be blur. I guess they didn’t expect me to be ok in such a short period too. Well, i don’t wish to push myself to be ok in such a short period too.

Cried for a few days, slowly i started to get use to it. At least i know where to do laundry, where to find food, where am i working, where i sit, how should i wear, where should i go and where is the church. Started to get use to it that he no longer beside me and can’t meet him everyday. All i have is only his voice. Sometimes, i still can see him but i can’t touch him. Being in a distance love so far is still ok for me. As least i still able to cope it and it’s not as bad as i thought. Of course, we have to pray hard to reduce unnecessary miscommunication. May God guide us through.

Deep inside, i know i’m ready. Ready in a sense that whatever i’ll be facing, challenges that i will have to take and things that i will learn and to be mold. I’m excited in how God will use me in another hand, i’m blur as well. May God show me His direction. This is it... This is the land where i will be different person. A land that will mold me, train me to be a stronger, better person and closer to Him. Same journey, new chapter of life.

**A week of blur**