Mixed Feeling

Yeah!!!~~~ Today is Wednesday. Means that my dear housemate will come home today. Can’t wait to see her later. She’s been away for one week and this whole week, I miss her a lot. Everyday when I reach home I will look for her, before sleep I’ll talk to her and when I wake up early morning, I’ll see her. When she went back to her hometown, I find it’s hard to get use to it without her because no one knocks at my door in the morning. The feeling of the past week, came back and went into an empty house without my housemate in it, it’s kind of weird. Wish to talk to her but she’s not there, make me miss her a lot. But today, she’ll be coming back from her hometown. A few more days later, then I will have to go to the Sabah Diocese camp, and it’s her turn to miss me. When I came back from the camp, she’ll be going back to her hometown again. Wow, it’s like an on off game here. No matter where we are, we know that we’ll miss each other so much and most important is that The Lord is with us.

Talks about the Sabah camp really cause me mixed feeling. I feel excited, happy, nervous, stress and all sort of weird feeling that I don’t know how to express. I feel excited because all these while, I love to join this camp… I love church camp. For sure, you will learn something that is priceless and build up a terrific fellowship with people around you. Meanwhile, stress and nervous feeling will occur because I’ll be singing as a vocalist in the worship session that lead by our team. This is actually my first time holding microphone and sings to lead people to worship God. I heard that the camp have 400 plus peoples who joined which means that there will be 800 plus ears hearing and 400 plus peoples worshipping together. Can you imagine, me holding mic, singing? I can’t imagine that.

** Ka Seng, now i totally understand your stress before you went to Labuan until throw out.

The main problem is not about 400 peoples or 800 ears but it’s about God. I don’t really care how many people listen to my singing but I care how God think when I sing. I feel afraid that I can’t give my best to Him while He deserves all my best and He deserves all the praise. I afraid that I am not good enough to offer what I have. Please pray for me…. Lord, please guide me and guide my heart. I have nothing, but I have a willing heart.