These few days, I came across with this word willing. Is a willing heart matters a lot? To get the things done is more important or to have a willing heart to get the things done more important?
If everyone waits for a willing person to get things done, then how the work will be done? But if you are doing it with unwilling heart, you will suffer but the things are still done. Which is more important?
God gave us free will choice but in this world and society, seems like not much free will choice you can practice. Willing or not willing, sometimes we have no choice. I wonder when willingness need to come in?
When you have love, you will be willing… but when you are not willing, does that mean you have no love anymore? Hmm… I really wish to know.
** Willing? **
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
God is in control
Recently, as I browse through a friend's blog, it tenderly reminds me that after all, God is in control.
Don’t know when it started that I used to control what I could possibly control. I want things to go my way instead of His way. I take control of my work because I am the only one that has to bear responsible on my work if there is any mistake. I take control of my own lifestyle and health because I choose what to wear, what to eat and when to sleep.
With such a routine, I have slowly forgotten that there are many things out of my control. I could not control certain things. I could not control someone to be happy together with me. I could not control what people thought about me. I could not control someone to share the same sadness with me and thus, it caused me to fall. With this fall, again I am being reminded that after all, God is in control. I can love, but can never force someone love me in return. I can give, but can never force someone to sacrifice the same amount. I can walk but can never drag someone that not willing to walk with me. After all, God is in control, God gives everyone free will choice to choose the way they react, the live and their path.
** Let go, let God because God is in control **
Don’t know when it started that I used to control what I could possibly control. I want things to go my way instead of His way. I take control of my work because I am the only one that has to bear responsible on my work if there is any mistake. I take control of my own lifestyle and health because I choose what to wear, what to eat and when to sleep.
With such a routine, I have slowly forgotten that there are many things out of my control. I could not control certain things. I could not control someone to be happy together with me. I could not control what people thought about me. I could not control someone to share the same sadness with me and thus, it caused me to fall. With this fall, again I am being reminded that after all, God is in control. I can love, but can never force someone love me in return. I can give, but can never force someone to sacrifice the same amount. I can walk but can never drag someone that not willing to walk with me. After all, God is in control, God gives everyone free will choice to choose the way they react, the live and their path.
** Let go, let God because God is in control **
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Only God knows….
Most of the time, we will tend to advice too fast; give solution to fast and to say our own perspective too fast. Sometimes, someone only want a listening ear because we all grown up and go through journey of life in every different ways, experience different thing. But to find only listening ears is also this hard. Why?
Different people give different encouragement. I truly appreciate the encouragement and the effort of trying … But most of the time, I only want a pair of ears to hear my struggle, my foolishness, and my tears and yet, it's hard to find. No wonder most adults choose to keep everything themselves. They tried before to share but it become even bitter.
** Only God knows... **
Different people give different encouragement. I truly appreciate the encouragement and the effort of trying … But most of the time, I only want a pair of ears to hear my struggle, my foolishness, and my tears and yet, it's hard to find. No wonder most adults choose to keep everything themselves. They tried before to share but it become even bitter.
** Only God knows... **
Yesterday
Yesterday I have a lazy morning
Yesterday I had lunch with the Education Board Member
Yesterday I finally meet with Datuk Mary
Yesterday I was called to a wrong meeting and I stay the whole meeting
Yesterday I ate the most salty maggi because I mistakenly throw most of the soup away
Yesterday I have fun in cell group
Yesterday I experience a feeling that I never wanted to feel back
Yesterday I sleep with a heavy heart
** My yesterday **
Yesterday I had lunch with the Education Board Member
Yesterday I finally meet with Datuk Mary
Yesterday I was called to a wrong meeting and I stay the whole meeting
Yesterday I ate the most salty maggi because I mistakenly throw most of the soup away
Yesterday I have fun in cell group
Yesterday I experience a feeling that I never wanted to feel back
Yesterday I sleep with a heavy heart
** My yesterday **
Friday, March 06, 2009
What's the point?
Why do people want to know what happen and why certain things happen and when someone else explain, they seems not believe it and put someone else's reason into an excuses category? I really don't understand.
When it is sure that it is the explanation, certain people will still look at it as an excuse. Then what's the point that you ask and yet not listening? Weird believe…. Really weird…
Sometimes, we just cannot blame why people choose to be quiet than explaining because explain or not, the result will also be the same. What's the point?
** Really don't understand **
When it is sure that it is the explanation, certain people will still look at it as an excuse. Then what's the point that you ask and yet not listening? Weird believe…. Really weird…
Sometimes, we just cannot blame why people choose to be quiet than explaining because explain or not, the result will also be the same. What's the point?
** Really don't understand **
Thursday, March 05, 2009
An unhappy morning
I wake up with a heavy heart
Looking out for a reason
Why my heart is down?
Why I am feeling such a way?
I come before Him
Bringing my emotion
Asking Him to take it away
Why I feel such an emotion?
What is wrong?
I am still asking
Still searching
Still waiting
A down morning
Looking out for a reason
Why my heart is down?
Why I am feeling such a way?
I come before Him
Bringing my emotion
Asking Him to take it away
Why I feel such an emotion?
What is wrong?
I am still asking
Still searching
Still waiting
A down morning
Monday, March 02, 2009
Realization….
No 1 #
Drink one liter bottle of plain water every morning before you brush your teeth will really give good health and pretty skin
No 2 #
Emotion is the bridge to your belief
Which means that what you feel is based on the fact that you believe.
Fact 3 #
I feel that I have gain weight when I am back to hometown during Chinese New Year but most of the people said that I have slim down
Interesting?
Drink one liter bottle of plain water every morning before you brush your teeth will really give good health and pretty skin
No 2 #
Emotion is the bridge to your belief
Which means that what you feel is based on the fact that you believe.
Fact 3 #
I feel that I have gain weight when I am back to hometown during Chinese New Year but most of the people said that I have slim down
Interesting?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
God is good…
It is such a great joy when you work and you felt bored of it and a friend of yours got you coffee bean's coffee that right straight at your door steps. I feel so blessed with someone delivering great stuff like this to me when I am screaming for something different out of the routine work.
So here it is… Yeah babe… Ice blended coffee stuff…
**I am blessed**
So here it is… Yeah babe… Ice blended coffee stuff…**I am blessed**
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
When it only left scar
In certain path of life, you will look back and give thanks. Sometimes, you will stare at the scar and thought back a lot of things that had happen. When it only left scar, it means that it's been quite some time. You touch it, you won't feel pain anymore.
But when I'm being reminded of how the incident happened, I started to feel the same pain. When I see the same sign and reaction, I started to cry it out to God. A level of faith is being tested; a level of trust is a doubt. Where is my faith, I asked? Where is my trust? And yet, I stood quietly.
Many times I stood quietly in front of Him. Without a word, He knows how I felt. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I only wish He is here, just to be with Him to remind myself that He is always faithful, always loving. If one day, He tells me that He can remove my scar too, I will be glad to let Him do so. I pray that without this scar, I won't be as terrify as I used to be.
We all know that happiness is a choice. Sometimes when you have decided to be happy today it doesn't mean that you will end up happy also. Although you try so hard to lift yourself up again, but in certain times, we need more than ourselves to lift us up.
**When it only left scar**
But when I'm being reminded of how the incident happened, I started to feel the same pain. When I see the same sign and reaction, I started to cry it out to God. A level of faith is being tested; a level of trust is a doubt. Where is my faith, I asked? Where is my trust? And yet, I stood quietly.
Many times I stood quietly in front of Him. Without a word, He knows how I felt. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I only wish He is here, just to be with Him to remind myself that He is always faithful, always loving. If one day, He tells me that He can remove my scar too, I will be glad to let Him do so. I pray that without this scar, I won't be as terrify as I used to be.
We all know that happiness is a choice. Sometimes when you have decided to be happy today it doesn't mean that you will end up happy also. Although you try so hard to lift yourself up again, but in certain times, we need more than ourselves to lift us up.
**When it only left scar**
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tears
My best friend once told me that tears is a gift from God. God give us tears to express the feeling we have. Positive or negative thought, both can produce tears.
I have ones lost tears for certain period. No matter how sad am I, tears just seem can't to shed out. Not even one drop. As for now, tears seem like a little bit too much for me. I try to stop it from dropping down my cheek but it end up, even worst.
I do believe that tears are a gift from God because when you only have feelings and not a word, there is where tears will express the word.
Lord, count my tears because only you know my path, you know my pain.
**Tears**
I have ones lost tears for certain period. No matter how sad am I, tears just seem can't to shed out. Not even one drop. As for now, tears seem like a little bit too much for me. I try to stop it from dropping down my cheek but it end up, even worst.
I do believe that tears are a gift from God because when you only have feelings and not a word, there is where tears will express the word.
Lord, count my tears because only you know my path, you know my pain.
**Tears**
Saturday, February 07, 2009
When you can't breath
In any organization or company that you worked in, people expectation is something that you can never run away with because we all have expectation on certain things. Some expectation will be higher… some will slightly lower just for the sake of don't wish to get disappointed feeling deeper.
Sometimes, we didn't even realize that our expectation for certain people are getting higher and higher until they cannot breathe. Today I have the opportunity to experience it again that when you walk out from a room, you felt difficult to breathe just because of certain people expectation on you is so high that you can't say a word or should I say, you don't even know what to say.
I guess I should learn to expect nothing from anyone. After all, we are only human. Everyone have their own reasons, have their own difficulties…. Why push someone into the pool of high expectation when they don't even know how to swim?
**High expectation kill soul slowly**
Sometimes, we didn't even realize that our expectation for certain people are getting higher and higher until they cannot breathe. Today I have the opportunity to experience it again that when you walk out from a room, you felt difficult to breathe just because of certain people expectation on you is so high that you can't say a word or should I say, you don't even know what to say.
I guess I should learn to expect nothing from anyone. After all, we are only human. Everyone have their own reasons, have their own difficulties…. Why push someone into the pool of high expectation when they don't even know how to swim?
**High expectation kill soul slowly**
Friday, February 06, 2009
Let go, let God
Every early of the year, for sure that I will change the way my blog looks. This year, I would like to give brown a try. Recently, I am so in love with brown color. Still wondering why…
Though a bit late, mid of Feb is here but after the change, I just hope to have a refreshed look. i change the title as well from the previous one.
A preparation journey
*A journey that will mould me to prepare to be a faithful follower, a humble servant, a passionate lover, a supportive wife, a godly mother and a better person*
I think that my path will always be a preparation journey.
I have changed it to let go, let God. A very simple four word, let go, let God but I wonder, how far I could score if I want to put it into a test? For certain people letting go is like a piece of cake. As for me, I think I will need to take years to learn. I cannot deny that I am the kind that will hold on to someone overly tight, something too seriously. Maybe this new year, new chapter, God will lead me to see things differently when I learn to slowly loosen what I am holding on for ages.
This is it, new start, new year, new title, new path…
** Let go, let God**
Though a bit late, mid of Feb is here but after the change, I just hope to have a refreshed look. i change the title as well from the previous one.
A preparation journey
*A journey that will mould me to prepare to be a faithful follower, a humble servant, a passionate lover, a supportive wife, a godly mother and a better person*
I think that my path will always be a preparation journey.
I have changed it to let go, let God. A very simple four word, let go, let God but I wonder, how far I could score if I want to put it into a test? For certain people letting go is like a piece of cake. As for me, I think I will need to take years to learn. I cannot deny that I am the kind that will hold on to someone overly tight, something too seriously. Maybe this new year, new chapter, God will lead me to see things differently when I learn to slowly loosen what I am holding on for ages.
This is it, new start, new year, new title, new path…
** Let go, let God**
Thursday, February 05, 2009
The dark sky
Sitting in the airport, watching the dark sky. Only have the thought that my feelings is the same with the weather. I guess this feeling that will appear every time I'm in the airport, heavy dark weather that about to rain. Going back to a place which i called it lonely land. Though not literally.... Never expect that this time leaving them is this heavy for me. All of the sudden, i wish i could stay. I guess that's my only wish right now.
**Heavy feeling**
**Heavy feeling**
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Happy New Year!
Although a bit late but still... Happy New Year...
Yeah... Another new year.
~ Happy and Blessed new year~
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
I've been a blogger for 3 years
As I was trying to search back the previous post that I posted about the new phone which is the phone I am using now but it was new last time. I was trying to count how many years has this phone accompany me and I kept searching for that post and yet I didn't get it. In the midst of searching, I realize that I've been a blogger since January 2006 and from there onward, I started to write what I've been through every season of my life. The main purpose for me to start a blog is actually to drop down what I've been through and for myself to see how God has lead me through from a chapter of life to another chapter.
The previous name for my blog is Jannie's Space. Later on, I changed it to A Preparation Journey. In Jannie's Space, I still remembered that my blog is brown in color. But I didn't use this title for long. After a heart broken incident, I started to think for a change. Well, when you no longer want to remember your past, you will try to change a lot of things. I still remembered that I changed my hairstyle, my blogspot title, most of my clothing, my watch, and my lifestyle. I thought about delete the whole blog and create a new one but no matter how I would like to forget my past, I know that I will not able to make it because my past will always remain my history because it is in me, it is with me and it is what I've been through. So, some people asked me, why do you still keep your blog after you have a broken heart? I will only smile and answered, because this leads me to become who I am today.
Later on, I change my title to a preparation journey because I believe that the journey that I am walking now is a preparation journey. That's why I put the description as a journey that will mould me to prepare to be a faithful follower, a humble servant, a passionate lover, a supportive wife, a godly mother and a better person. With this title, I change from brown to blue and from blue color to now orange. Next year, I was thinking to change the color again. With changing colors, it shows that it's another new year, another new chapter of life again.
Previously, many people will drop by my blog to read. I guess when there is something interesting happen in your life, people will want to know more. Later on, people that drop by my blog is lesser.
My best friend said that, "I bet you won't write long" but low and behold, I became a blogger for 3 years and will continue in the coming 2009. I see people blog, I thought they will be a faithful blogger too, well… I guess you can't judge a book by its cover after all.
p/s: With browsing through the past post will always motivate myself to take more photo and make my blog interesting again. Can do it or not, it's another story.
** Blogger for 3 years**
The previous name for my blog is Jannie's Space. Later on, I changed it to A Preparation Journey. In Jannie's Space, I still remembered that my blog is brown in color. But I didn't use this title for long. After a heart broken incident, I started to think for a change. Well, when you no longer want to remember your past, you will try to change a lot of things. I still remembered that I changed my hairstyle, my blogspot title, most of my clothing, my watch, and my lifestyle. I thought about delete the whole blog and create a new one but no matter how I would like to forget my past, I know that I will not able to make it because my past will always remain my history because it is in me, it is with me and it is what I've been through. So, some people asked me, why do you still keep your blog after you have a broken heart? I will only smile and answered, because this leads me to become who I am today.
Later on, I change my title to a preparation journey because I believe that the journey that I am walking now is a preparation journey. That's why I put the description as a journey that will mould me to prepare to be a faithful follower, a humble servant, a passionate lover, a supportive wife, a godly mother and a better person. With this title, I change from brown to blue and from blue color to now orange. Next year, I was thinking to change the color again. With changing colors, it shows that it's another new year, another new chapter of life again.
Previously, many people will drop by my blog to read. I guess when there is something interesting happen in your life, people will want to know more. Later on, people that drop by my blog is lesser.
My best friend said that, "I bet you won't write long" but low and behold, I became a blogger for 3 years and will continue in the coming 2009. I see people blog, I thought they will be a faithful blogger too, well… I guess you can't judge a book by its cover after all.
p/s: With browsing through the past post will always motivate myself to take more photo and make my blog interesting again. Can do it or not, it's another story.
** Blogger for 3 years**
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
My phone broke
Sad incidents happen because my phone has turn to white screen only. Although it can still operate like normal but all I can see is only white color. So sad… coz that phone is an answered prayer from God and a gift from my best friend. Feel sad because after I have spend so many years with it, I have to let go because it's time has come.
** Sad… **
** Sad… **
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Girls night out
In this holiday season, everywhere is decorated but seems like Kota Kinabalu decoration is not as pretty as what we expected. Anyway, last night, i have dinner with ex-classmate and we have fun. Well, what else girls will do when we talk about fun?
We go almost every where to search for nice Christmas decoration and take photo. Though not many nice picture but we still enjoy the time of being together. Although we can't celebrate Christmas together but dinner together is also about spending time with someone that you love.
So here we have, Sutera Harbour Resort Christmas tree....
And the girls..
The girls again...
This picture... Oh ya, i put it in coz both of them look nice and it is a nice picture. It is always a beautiful moment when you can hang out with old friends, laugh at the past when this and that used to happen and who and who got nick name... In a beautiful cold and christmas feel restaurant while some chistmas song is in the air and we laugh and talk, it really make our heart felt warm. But one of us will further her study soon. Maybe the moment like this will not be that often anymore.**Girls night out**
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
It really make me think…
After 3 weeks of busy life, I guess life started to slow down. Not so slow but slower than the previous weeks. There are still stuff need to rush, things need to follow up and done before New Year comes. Can't believe that in less than one month, I have to settle most of the things. Did I just say that life is not as busy as previously? I guess I'm wrong. Life is still busy coz I forgot that New Year is coming. Sometimes, I just wish that time can stop for awhile. I am rushing for time which everyone is doing so and most people also think that it is ridiculous.
It’s been a while now when both of us are busy for our own work and also ministry. Both of us have a team of people that we have to take care, work that are never ends and different time of working. Most of the time, I have to rest early due to the culture and the early schedule of the next morning, whereby he has a different schedule of life. He can sleep till late morning, but have to work till midnight. Well, basically I also have to work till midnight but only on special occasion and event. With this, in turn out that I am the one that always wait, always staring at the phone wondering when will it rang again and always I am the one that accidentally felt asleep and the hot topics of how was your day had just pass by without really put it into a conversation. When the new day came, new topic we would like each other to know and the previous one, seems have left so far. And when certain things happen, then only each of us realized that; oh ya, I didn't tell you this. When the 'oh ya… I didn't tell you' this statement come out, seems like it's been ages we didn't spend time to talk.
Sometimes, it will feel a bit weird. Weird that why I don't know? But always the same reason will be given that is, ooo… I forgot to tell you. And when the statement 'forgot to tell' come out, it really shows that we spend lesser time now. Sometimes, it will really end up a thought of what do you expect? Both of us are really busy. Not those fake busy but we all have our own responsibilities, our own burden, our own lifestyle and sad to say, our own gang of friends.
A day pass…. And another day pass… it's been like this for three weeks. Long distances sucks? Or communication breakdown? What else is new?
**It really make me think**
It’s been a while now when both of us are busy for our own work and also ministry. Both of us have a team of people that we have to take care, work that are never ends and different time of working. Most of the time, I have to rest early due to the culture and the early schedule of the next morning, whereby he has a different schedule of life. He can sleep till late morning, but have to work till midnight. Well, basically I also have to work till midnight but only on special occasion and event. With this, in turn out that I am the one that always wait, always staring at the phone wondering when will it rang again and always I am the one that accidentally felt asleep and the hot topics of how was your day had just pass by without really put it into a conversation. When the new day came, new topic we would like each other to know and the previous one, seems have left so far. And when certain things happen, then only each of us realized that; oh ya, I didn't tell you this. When the 'oh ya… I didn't tell you' this statement come out, seems like it's been ages we didn't spend time to talk.
Sometimes, it will feel a bit weird. Weird that why I don't know? But always the same reason will be given that is, ooo… I forgot to tell you. And when the statement 'forgot to tell' come out, it really shows that we spend lesser time now. Sometimes, it will really end up a thought of what do you expect? Both of us are really busy. Not those fake busy but we all have our own responsibilities, our own burden, our own lifestyle and sad to say, our own gang of friends.
A day pass…. And another day pass… it's been like this for three weeks. Long distances sucks? Or communication breakdown? What else is new?
**It really make me think**
Friday, November 28, 2008
The previous weeks - Part 2
Talk about Ellel training, it is a good training. To put aside all the busy stuff, I personally learn a lot from there. The most impact topic that I learn is about healing the human spirit. Well, we have some topics such as bitterroot judgment and bitterroot expectation, ---
In this training, it again reminds me that everything is spiritual. Sometimes we thought that things are not there but things are there even though you believe it with all your heart that it is not there. Sometimes, things are not only about your mind. Rev Titus, one of the speaker repeated many times about ---- the devils is like a hungry lion that come
It really stirs up my spirit to pray more and find more time to be with Him. It sound scary and it is scary when we treat things lightly. On the first or two sessions, I do doubt about it but after the whole training I guess what they said are right. Sometimes, it's not only about the mind.
As for children worship conference, wow… this is really excited. We have about 300 ++ kids and in my workshop, I have about 60-70 kids. In the morning, we all are like so excited and full of energy to jump, play and entertain the kids. But in the late morning, most of the staff started to feel tired. It really put me into a consideration that I should get a child soon so that I can have the energy to play with my own son and daughter. They are so cute… Watching and hearing them praising the Lord really make our heart melt. I think it melt God's heart the most. Some are so small, some are so naughty, some are so shy coz when I said hi to them; they are just too shy to say hi back to me and some cannot stop running. Wow, indeed it is a tired conference but watching them learns how to dance and do action for God is just sweet and speechless. I guess I am blessed by them too.
** Enjoy**
In this training, it again reminds me that everything is spiritual. Sometimes we thought that things are not there but things are there even though you believe it with all your heart that it is not there. Sometimes, things are not only about your mind. Rev Titus, one of the speaker repeated many times about ---- the devils is like a hungry lion that come
It really stirs up my spirit to pray more and find more time to be with Him. It sound scary and it is scary when we treat things lightly. On the first or two sessions, I do doubt about it but after the whole training I guess what they said are right. Sometimes, it's not only about the mind.
As for children worship conference, wow… this is really excited. We have about 300 ++ kids and in my workshop, I have about 60-70 kids. In the morning, we all are like so excited and full of energy to jump, play and entertain the kids. But in the late morning, most of the staff started to feel tired. It really put me into a consideration that I should get a child soon so that I can have the energy to play with my own son and daughter. They are so cute… Watching and hearing them praising the Lord really make our heart melt. I think it melt God's heart the most. Some are so small, some are so naughty, some are so shy coz when I said hi to them; they are just too shy to say hi back to me and some cannot stop running. Wow, indeed it is a tired conference but watching them learns how to dance and do action for God is just sweet and speechless. I guess I am blessed by them too.
** Enjoy**
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