Silent cry

Everyone have their own struggle, their own difficulties. The same goes to me.
I sometimes walk through a journey whereby I found myself screaming for a friend, screaming for an attention.

It is always easy to point at so and so saying that oh… he/she just need some attention. Then we will label him/her as someone that lack of love. In the actual fact, everyone is screaming for attention and everyone is craving for someone to love them, someone to understand them. Who are we to say so and so lack of love when we ourselves are also begging someone to take a look at us?

Sometimes when someone need a friend, as simple as a friend and yet we point at them saying that should blame back yourself for not spending enough time with us or should blame yourself because you didn't take the effort to make things work.

Where is the compassion heart that God placed it in? Where is the love from God? Where is my heart? Where is my love?

** Silently I cried out for love and attention**

The power of music

Last time I used to listen to certain songs and repeated it because I loved the song and I just loved to repeat it. So, every time certain songs are played, it will bring me back to the moment and also the thought. If I used to listen to this song and think about so and so… after a few years later, when I heard back the song, amazingly I can still remember this so and so and I will remember vividly why I used to think about this so and so and it bring me back to the moment. I guess I should call this the power of music.

As some of the old songs are played, my mind wondering around and my feeling go back the moment of my past. Hmm… should I say enjoying the moment? I guess every moment is precious. Even though that might not be a long lasting moment but still it is precious that time.

** The power of music **

Good news...

Yesterday I heard a great news. Well, there is a saying that no news is good news because when you have good of it, for sure you will also have the bad side of it too but then I will still prefer to look at it as a good news. I become someone's auntie already… Well, not blood related but still….Hahaha… Happy right… i just felt like screaming it out when I heard that because it's really a great thing. We used to talk about, when you will have a baby and what will you do when the baby comes and all these will because so real.

Aw…. i do wish to be with her in the process of nine month as a friend but then distance limited us. I still remember vividly the day they got married and the day she tried on the wedding gown. She even warned me not to cry coz she thought that I am over excited. Well, I nearly did but then I didn't cry on their wedding day. Hahaha… a bit over emotions some will say but I am truly glad and joyful for them.

This news really brightens my day. Have no idea why but I am happy for them. To see someone that you care happy sometimes will bring joy to you too… coz their laughter sometimes is what you need to make yourself happy again.

** Happy for them **

I love rainy day

This morning before I walked out my house, I heard the rain drops. It's another rainy day….

I love rainy day. It makes me feel comfortable. Other than felt like sleeping, it also make me feel cold and good. Imagine with some romantic music on, a cup of coffee or hot chocolate on the table with an interesting book and with someone that you love dearly holding you close to his arm as he whispering some sweet words to your ear. How wonderful that moment will be.

Wow, I can just stay in his arm forever, stay in that room forever, stay in this kind of weather forever….

Can't believe that after I finish writing this, the rain stops… Argghhh…. I guess it's good to dream a bit and to miss him a bit…

** Rainy day **

I have fun

Wow…

Tonight was a happy night for me. I just had a almost 3 hours chat with a long lost old friend that we used to be so closed when we were small and somehow, things change with the busy schedule and with the meeting up with new friend. We have so much fun in catching up with each other and we forgot that we actually study the same secondary school which both of us also forgotten and can't seems to find each other in or memory. But it was a joy to able to keep in touch with her again and meeting backs some old friends. Can't believe myself will join facebook but I did and I have fun in searching back all the old friends. The whole night we were like… oh no… she changes a lot… and he look so much handsome now those kinda talk. We really have fun. We even doubt one of our old classmate did a plastic surgery. Hahhaha…

Meeting back old friends are fun. I guessed joining facebook is not that bad after all. Other then trying to keep yourself up-to-date and can blend into any conversation, you can catch up and find back old friends. Not bad… not bad…

** Have fun**

It only left me breathless

In a beautiful occasion, amazing dress is put on, make up are on, hairs are all set up and jewelry are all around.

In the office, professional image is being presented out, laziness is the last thing you want your colleague and boss to notice it.

In a fellowship gathering, happy face is needed because no one wants to share your stress and problem when a happy gathering is on.

In a church service, a gentle and polite attitude is required to present on the table to reduce unnecessary gossips and pointless complaint.

In the ministry that you attend, friendly and open spirits are the expectations. Members of the church ministry will always want to see a joyful you, a beautiful soul that walks with God.

At the end of the days, who will love your weaknesses? Who will bear with the pain that you have? Who is willing to walk with you?

When certain expectation is required are not fulfilled, people coming in and out to say and comment what is needed to improve and what is need to put more effort. When effort is given, people will still point out mistakes saying that need extra effort and comforted with a continue statement behind God is with you, walk with faith.

It left me breathless… Why commented is given when you are not even in my life? Why expectations are requested when you are not there to walk with me? Where are you when I need a friend?

** It only left me breathless **

Differences Point of View

As I read through a book titled, winning with people by John Maxwell, I read through something like this;

It's said that a friend is someone…
Who knows you don't know what you're talking about but will let you reach that conclusion independently.

Today I have a conversation with a friend of mine. We have a different point of view on the above statement. I would says that it is always right to not hold on to someone so tight that he/she cannot breath even though it show that we care for him/her a lot. But her point of view is slightly different from mine. I won't say that we carry a wrong motive but I would say that we have a different character.

She stand strongly on we should do our part to take care and to remind certain people about certain issue whereby I think that it's no point holding it so tight where he/she cannot take it and we are just forcing him/her to change or reach the level of maturity that he/she has yet to reached. Her perspective is correct as for our discussion is no right and wrong but exchange information of how we see things.

As we are serving in this atmosphere whereby culture and generation are differences, it really burden people to serve. After all, we are all here for one purpose is to serve Him. Why certain people have to be over controlling whereby we all believe that God will also play his part to take care of us? Why do God gives free will choice and yet man force to become no choice? Am I over reacting or they are over reacting?

I know that this is a good place for a character mold as well as shaping our life to be more like Him. But why push too hard when God is in control? Why not give some space that we all learn to draw strength and faith from Him? After all, we all have given a choice to choose. I would say it's good that you care and remind but after all, the choice is still in my hand. It's not so much about disobedient issue but about the choice each individual will make when it comes to different things.

Difference perspective, differences method but one heart for God's Kingdom. There is no such thing as one ruler to measure everything.

**A different perspective to reach an ultimate goal**

Is falling in love only are more than enough?

This question comes across my mind today. Will that be enough for each couple to sustain the tolerance level, the spark to keep things alive, the problem that occur that they faced and the comments that people will gives? Is being in love would be enough when two person from different school come out with different kind of thought?

Today I heard about problem that we all will face when we can't check the "single" box anymore. Problem with the parents in law, problem with staying together, problem with tolerance and problems with sharing and giving. Although these are not new problem and we all know about this. But who really felt the pain when we are not in the list of those problems. We all know that these are the things that we will face but how many are ready to face and prepared to face before the wedding bells?

I wonder my heart knows about this when my mind already accepts the fact? … I guess only time will be the greatest helper as I grow every single day.

In love… enough?

Fruitful week

Today,4th September 2008 will be a fruitful day, not only a fruitful day but an excited day. I woke up with an excited heart knowing that I have a whole day off that I can at last spend some time to be alone, drop down some of my thought and some time to rest and relax.

It's been a busy week for last few days. I've been working for 16 hours non-stop in the office. And this is my first time ever since I came out to work. I have never worked that hard and long hour before. Wow…. Now I really know how it feels when you become workaholic and all your time is only work and sleep. Eat also not much time, can you imagine that? I even watched the fire works while I'm on my way walking home when they are celebrating the countdown of Merdeka. Anyway, it's a really busy and good past few days. Although quite numbers of minor mistake I did but it give space for me to improve and I offer to God a thanksgiving heart that overall its ok. This is my first Synod and I know what is Synod meeting means now. Hehehe…

Please enjoy the picture for the opening service of Synod that held on 31st August 2008, 6pm. From the whole process of getting ready for the meeting, in the meeting itself and out of the meeting I really thank God for what I have learned, what I have experience and what i am going to improve. I see myself clearer. How do I react when I am really stress, what will my respond be when I have to rush and work faster than time and yet I am bound by time, what will my attitude be when people complain more than appreciating the hard work and who is the supportive friend and who will remember me. I learned more than I expect and I gain experience. This is the way we all learn and from this whole process and the result. I really thank God that he gave me the opportunity to see myself clearer than before and how to improve myself to fulfilled a greater purpose of His. I know success doesn't come overnight but through failure and endurance

Sometimes things doesn't go the way we all planned, do we still give thanks and work without complain? A good questions to meditate on.

** Fruitful week*