Last few days, I have a bit conflict with relationship problem. Standing in the middle between to let go or to continue this journey. After a long thought and discuss about this problem, I realize that I couldn’t bear to lose this relationship of mine. Although problem still not totally solve yet but I get to learn what God want me to learn from this problem that I have.
Last few days, God did ask me, why am I so worry about my future and yet insist and want to solve this by my own without prayer? I heard it, but still I told God that I want to be alone right now. Not now….I choose to be the god of my own instead of letting God rules my life.
After yesterday night, I realize that love is pain. No matter what kind of love, it is pain. God’s love for us is pain. If God love is not pain, he won’t let him son die for us on the cross. Because God love us so dearly, that he have to suffer this pain.
He shows me that in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
From this bible verses, I know that this is what I have to learn. Always hope, always trust. To love one person is very easy. But to love him/her unconditionally is very difficult. No matter couple or not couple, our loves always come with a calculator. To count how much love have we offer and how much we should get it back in return so that it is even and fair. I thought that love can be defined with fair or not fair, but I was wrong. God show me that, his love for me is unconditional and why should I count so much about whose love is bigger and fair or not fair?
When come to justice, it always unfair because only true justice will come when God judge us. So why not I do my part to learn to love unconditionally so that when I meet God face to face, at least I bring no regret but honor that I learn and did what He want me to.
I also learn that, the
more we want and try to use all our strength to grab one thing, the more we will always lose it. Is like grabbing some sands in your hand. The more you want, the less sand you will get but is we let go and take it softly with both of our hands open up, the more we get.Humans are like that, when we lost it, then only we know how to cherish it. When we have it in our life, we will never know how much it means to it. I do hope that the decision that I made is right. Although it will be tough, I know… But I know God is there with me too. For His Grace is always sufficient for me.
1 comment:
Hmm, at last, God has been good to me. He answer my prayers. I've been praying for you everyday since you told me your problems that night. God has put such a heavy burden to me to pray for your problems. Thank God that He minister to you and now you're clearer what He wants you to learn. Be strong always as the Lord will make you strong after all suffering. The Lord is always justice wan oh, He will never test beyond your ability. If it is beyond your ability, i believe in the Lord that He also will provide a way for you. Be strong and courages to face trials ya, jus like Joshua and Jesus.
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